nurse lost baby to SIDS

  1. I am an LPN and mother of five. On OCT 11 I lost my 3 month old to SIDS. No warning. No sickness. He was extremely strong and vibrant. Just had a check up two weeks prior. Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? I hated my nursing experience due to the fact that as soon as I found him that morning I knew he was gone and I could do nothing about it. I haven't gone back to work yet and I am terrified to. If anyone else out there has been through this please talk to me.
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  2. 52 Comments

  3. by   preciousbaby621
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences go out to you and your family. You have to be stong for your children.
  4. by   ebear
    ANG,
    I AM SO SORRY!!! I can't imagine your heartbreak. Just know that we nurses are here to support you. There is NOTHING any of us can say to ease your pain right now. You will be in my prayers.
    ebear
  5. by   ANG_LPN
    Thank you your prayers. Another concern that I have is how people view me and my reaction. When in public I tend to switch to what I call "nurse mode". I have heard some people say that I am in denile (I am NOT in denile), I am bottling my emotions (I have cried out in agony in private every day), I am handling this better than I should be (what?). I keep catching myself thinking of that day as an observing nurse. I openly cursed my knowledge of what was happening. I am also terrified of CPS. We are very good parents. We don't do drugs, beat our kids, or torture them. Everyone keeps telling us how such good parents we are.
  6. by   nuangel1
    ang i am sooo sorry for your loss.
  7. by   SakredStrega
    I'm so sorry for your loss.
  8. by   HM2VikingRN
    Thinking of you in a very sad time....
  9. by   justme1972
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. How terrible to lose a child.

    There is an article here that I found online on SIDS that I think should be of some consolance. I see these types of articles from time to time and think that some of these doctors are out in left field scrambling for research dollars on research that won't go anywhere, but this one is very promising.

    It is an Anesthesiologist (interesting...b/c he's not a Neonatologist), that noticed that infants that were later victims of SIDS whose hearing was tested prior to leaving the hospital, were showing a hearing loss in one ear...and you think, "Ok, what in the world does that have to do with SIDS?". What his research has found, is nothing short of astonishing.

    I sent the article to my former Anatomy professor because it makes so much sense, I think this physician, if he can further prove his theory, will solve a mystery that has escaped doctors for years....and most importantly, that SIDS may not be preventable in the majority of cases...which, if I were the parent, would be of some small comfort.

    http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/...S-theory_N.htm
    Last edit by justme1972 on Oct 23, '07
  10. by   Diary/Dairy
    I am sooo sorry for your loss. I hope things get better. Can you call Employee Assistance and see a therapist??
  11. by   loricatus
    Quote from ANG_LPN
    I am an LPN and mother of five. On OCT 11 I lost my 3 month old to SIDS. No warning. No sickness. He was extremely strong and vibrant. Just had a check up two weeks prior. Has anyone else ever had this happen to them? I hated my nursing experience due to the fact that as soon as I found him that morning I knew he was gone and I could do nothing about it. I haven't gone back to work yet and I am terrified to. If anyone else out there has been through this please talk to me.
    I am so sorry for you and your family. I, too, lost my son, David, at almost 3 months of age to crib death (as it was called then). Although it was over twenty years ago, his precious memory stays with me forever. Truthfully, you never really lose your child-you will always 'feel' that bond even though you do not share the physical presence anymore. Although I was not in nursing at the time, I do know that you need time to grieve and heal. When you do go back to work, you will see that you have increased your ability to comfort the seriously ill and dying patients.
    Could you please share your son's name so I can personalize my prayers for you and your family?
  12. by   shearernurse
    So sorry for your loss. (((((HUGS))))). No one can tell you how to grieve or your response to the loss. Nurse mode is a form of self-protection, but it sounds like you have your own personal moments of agony. Yes, be strong for your other kids, but just know we, other nurses are there for you.

    shearernurse
  13. by   Sabby_NC
    Dearest Ang,

    I can offer you my shoulder to cry on and my prayers that your loss is dealt with by a higher power.

    Your son touched your heart and your lives in a very special way and will always be there with you.

    I thank you for your post as you will reach out to others in the same situation and get them thinking/ speaking about their experiences. This will allow healing for you and them.

    You are a tough lady but you know it is alright to show your vulnerable side when you go back to work.

    It is hard going back after any death in the family. I held it together for as long as I could but with my closer nursing friends I would 'lose' it.

    No right no wrong hon just be yourself and take one step at a time.

    I pray for such a strength and growth time for you.
  14. by   CT Pixie
    I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved and precious baby. I cannot fathom the deep pain you and your family must be going through. I would never be so bold to even *think* I could now. All I can do is offer my condolences to you and to offer my thoughts and prayers.

    There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You will do it in your own way and in your own time.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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