new development to unsolicited reference

  1. Since I posted this, there has been some interesting twists. I went to speak in person with the medical director of the place I worked about these events. The conversation went very well. Today, I was contacted by that administrator to set up a lunch meeting to discuss this matter further. They said they were "sickened" by my bosses behavior and would like to discuss what action I would like them to take and what they could do to make me feel "whole". What the heck do I suggest? (I included the original post)

    "I would like to get some perspective on this situation. I resigned a position about a year and a half ago because my supervisor made no secret of her hatred toward me to my face and behind my back. The situation had just become intolerable. Over the course of four years with that company, my preformance evaluations were favorable. I chose not to use this boss as a reference.
    Now, I am in a new position and met yesterday with my present boss for my first year performance interview. During the conversation, my new boss tells me that old boss, who she new casually, contacted her (between the time I had accepted the position and my starting date. The conversation went something like this.
    Old boss: Hello, is this the XYZ department?
    new boss: no, you have the wrong number.
    old boss: gee, this sounds a lot like my old friend, *****
    new boss: yes, this is she.
    old boss: well how have you been? I heard through the grapevine that *****, my former employee is going to be working for you.
    new boss: well, yes she is, she will start in a couple of weeks. what do you think?
    old boss: well, I really shouldn't say, but you'll find out soon enough.
    New boss and I have a great working relationship with mutual respect. She gave me an excellent evaluation. She did not say this to cause me grief, but, it just came out in the conversation talking about my last year with the new company. Now, I am mortified and cringe at the thought of a former boss stalking me through the rest of my career. When I left old boss, it was six months before I accepted my new position and now a year has past since the conversation. What am I dealing with..a psycho?"
    Last edit by ageless on Jun 20, '02
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   Stargazer
    ageless, the admins are sweating this big-time, because what your old boss did is incredibly illegal per existing employment laws in every state I'm aware of, and you would be well within your rights to sue (her individually and/or the institution).

    Think carefully about what you'd like to have happen--because you are in a position of considerable power and influence right now. Kudos to you on not taking this lying down.
  4. by   l.rae
    I think l would sue her....l bet this is not the first time this has happened, but it can be the last....LR
  5. by   2ndCareerRN
    I think I would have to side with l. rae on this one.

    If you think this old boss is going to go away, you are dreaming. For some reason she seems to have developed a pretty intense dislike of you, and is attempting/has attempted to use her limited power and influence in an attempt to cause you harm.

    You may be dealing with a psyco, as you suggested. If I were you, I would talk to someone in the legal profession, outside of your present place of employment and see what they have to say.You may not have any type of recourse.........then again you may be able to make life very unpleseant for your former boss.

    bob
  6. by   Brownms46
    I don't think I would sue her. I won't even go into why...because I don't think it's would be of any benefit to do so. But I would request that she have no further contact with you, and is unable to give out any other references on you or anyone else. This is a provision that may injure her in more ways then one, in her position.

    I will say that anyone in this day an age who didin't realize they had crossed the line, and something like this could, and would come back to bite them...isn't playing with a full deck!

    I would also do as the above poster suggested, and seek an expert in this field.
  7. by   canoehead
    I don't see that she said anything negligent...the message was there, but "you'll find out" is pretty self evident. Are we saying that supervisors can't talk to each other about mutual acquaintances at all? They didn't talk about specific performance issues, no confidential info was exchanged...I'm not saying it's fair, but I don't see anything illegal.
  8. by   teeituptom
    Howdy Yall
    From deep in the heart of Texas

    You really have to choices, just ignore her or punch her running lights out
  9. by   mattsmom81
    I know firsthand how aggravating this is....and have had good luck by being the first person to bring up the problem on an app or interview. That way YOU get your spin on the situation...and take her power away.

    Be the bigger person...be matter of fact, avoid outright putdowns of this person, but make it clear there was a personality conflict and focus on selling yourself.

    To win a civil suit you must prove actual damages: so you must lose jobs and be able to specifically prove she is the cause...it gets tedious. I have friends who have had their attorneys draw up a 'cease and desist letter'...sometimes this scares them off.

    Most HR's and managers realize 'personality conflicts' do exist, and will give you a chance to overcome the bad ref.

    Best wishes and don't let this person bring you down!!
  10. by   ageless
    Thanks for all your support. My meeting is tomorrow at 10:30. I am a wee bit nervous. I am relieved that they are taking my concerns seriously and are very supportive. I shudder to think of how many positions I might have been offered except for this nut!Most important is that they totally believe me. Makes me think that this person's unorthodox behavior may not be news to them.
  11. by   shay
    Been there, done that, had it happen to me. Satan b*tch from the depths of hell----er----my old nurse manager was the type who did this. She did it to me. I found out from my NEW mgr that she did.

    Snake. I can tell you, though, snakes like that....well, they're slippery. And it's pretty darned hard to make anything stick to them, if you get what I'm saying.

    Don't waste your time or energy. You won't be able to touch him/her, I guarantee it.

    Just cut your losses, be glad you're gone, and move on.
  12. by   caroladybelle
    Ageless,

    I'm so glad the advice worked out - hopefully it will help someone else - and make that manager think twice about pulling that on someone else

    Caroladybelle
  13. by   Sleepyeyes
    Hi Ageless,
    Been a couple days since we heard from you on this; so how'd it go?
  14. by   ageless
    Met with administration and they are going to follow through on this. They sounded sincere. I ask that this be documented in her file and mine so there would be a permanent record. As far as the four years of terror...they said they wished I had come to them sooner, before I felt I needed to leave my former position. (I was too embarassed and humiliated to say anything at the time...felt like an abused spouse must feel) They also said they would call after they speak with her in case of her retaliation. I'll keep you posted!

    sleepyeyes, I love your avatar!!!

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