last october of 2005, i started an or program here in vancouver canada. i came into a situation where the instructor bullied me, criticized me, ignored me, laughed at me. it was a horrible 5.5 months of dreading going into class/the or, crying, feeling stupid, questioning myself. to make things worse this instructor put me into an or room with her two friends who always yelled at me, belittled me, and made nasty comments....right in front of the doctors and other students.
i was told things such as, "you've had it easy haven't you? you've had it easy all of your life" (implying i'm spoiled), she laughed at me with her favorite pet student, made things up about my performance or had expectations that she did not for the other students, she was sweet to the other students and ignored me in conversations, she would hug the other students and chat/laugh with them, even at one point went for dinner with them...minus me of course.
even when i did very well or knew things the other students did not, my failures were highlighted instead...right in front of the other students. i would receive feedback right in front of the other students, "...you really need to improve ...you're lacking...bla bla bla ". in front of the other students, she even told me that the instructors and her feel that i am arrogant...when i started crying she changed the topic. the list is so long, needless to say, my confidence was down to 0.
two weeks before graduation i was blamed for an incident that happened in the room....for a mistake the anesthetist and the circulating nurse made...because i did not notice this mistake, i was informed i would not get my certificate at the same as the other students did, but instead receive it sometime during my year commitment to the hospital. (this wouldn't even be a guarantee).
that same week, two weeks before graduation, my instructor put her friend into my room, an instructor from another school who didn't work in my or or ever interact with me. this woman started yelling at me, she delayed surgery while all the surgeons stood sterile watching as i had to prep a patient over and over again. at one point the doctor himself said its enough, the prep is done, however this woman wouldn't budge telling everyone i had to do it the right way. with tears in my eyes i looked up at the or door and saw my instructor standing there with a smug grin on her face. she was enjoying ever moment.
at that moment, i looked her friend in the face, stated the following, "i do not deserve to be treated like this, you are a cruel to me and i've had enough of this, i quit" ....and i left the or that moment and never returned.
it was a horrible experience, two other students out of 12 also quit this program one finding her instructor difficult and the other simply did not want to be an or nurse after everything she went through. i should have gone to the union. however i was so unhealthy and sad after five months of hell, i had to get my sleep back on schedule, eat healthy, workout, and start feeling good about myself.
after much thought, i realized that that particular or and instructor were not right for me. it wasn't me; it was the whole situation and instructor.
after quitting i took six months off, was accepted into a masters program in a area outside of nursing, but decided that i couldn't just start something new without doing my or certificate...proving to myself that i can do it and am good enough....the woman, the instructor made me feel like a complete failure.
so i went back and did a three month course on my own. in fact, i moved to a whole new city across the country to do this program. everyone there loved me and treated me so well. it validated to me that i am not stupid (as the or teacher had told me) and that i can be an excellent or nurse.
i am so proud of myself. i just got the certificate in the mail. 14 months after i had started the original or program. to anyone out there, students and nurses alike ...never give up, don't let one or two nurses/instructors decide what your future will be like and please, never let anoyone tell you who you are.
never give up, only you know what you are capable of. love yourself and respect yourself, others will too if you set boundaries in the way you want to be treated. also, always document document document situations and report situations...even if it’s off the record...so someone more objective and outside of the situation is aware.
never give up.