Need advice After Giving Notice: Should I Lay it all on the table?

  1. Am I crazy? I have decided to finally leave my job of 6yrs that pays very good money. It's not a stressful job, per say, but my DON is crazy. I can't put up with her nonsense and backstabbing anymore. She is quite new and has been with the company for about 3 yrs and has been in management for 1 yr. She is very unprofessional...talks to other nurses about other nurses and plays favoritism. She writes up some nurses for the same things that her "favorites" do but the "favorites" don't get written up for anything. Even our brand new supervisor talks about this and even talks bad about our DON and other nurses as well so I feel I can't trust her either. I'm on my phone as I type this so I don't think I can break for a paragraph so I apologize in advance. --- Here is where I need advice. My human resources director wants me to confide in him about why I'm leaving. I want to be honest but also don't want to burn my bridges as I would like to return to work there in the future after she's gone, if she ever will be. I'm assuming he wants to talk with me bc she's had several complaints. I plan on working there PRN. Should I lay it all on the table and be honest or just tell them I've accepted a new position and leave it at that?
    •  
  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   FLArn
    You say what you think of the DON and supervisor's character but not the HR person if you can trust that person you may want to be upfront. It may be the nail in the DON's coffin if others have left because of her. But I'd watch my back any way 'cause that supervisor will still be there.
  4. by   GHGoonette
    So how much do you trust him? If it's in confidence I don't see how it can rebound on you, but if you suspect he's one of her "friends" then you should be wary.

    As a matter of interest, what's the staff turnover like? Have there been a number of other resignations since this DON was appointed? If so, you can bet HR is trying to find out why.

    You don't mention where she was working before her appointment to this position. You can try nosing around the department(s) where she worked to find out if others have had similar issues with her.
  5. by   canesdukegirl
    Hmmm...I see your dilemma. On the one hand, you feel that you need to let the HR director know what a jackwagon this new DON is and give factual info to support your view. On the other hand, if you are totally frank with the HR director and your words somehow are communicated by him to either the DON or the new sup, you could have just cooked your own goose. Am I correct in my assumptions?

    So I would talk to the HR director with the understanding right from the start that you would like complete confidentiality. Get him to verbalize that understanding. Make it Oh So Clear. If you feel comfortable, lay it out, but do it in a factual manner. If this DON is compromising the unit in some way (like a definite and measurable no-no), the HR director may ask you to report what you have witnessed, but it is YOUR choice as to whether you will fill out a report or not. They can't make you do it. He will probably tell you that he can't do anything about this obnoxious DON without written documentation from those who have complained about her. That part is kinda true. You can probably do it anonymously via incident reports if you choose, but I am sure he will let you know your choices.

    I feel for ya! I have been in this position myself and it is never easy. Most of the time, the jerks tend to hang themselves with no help from us. Hopefully she will be gone soon. I am sorry you are having to change jobs because of her. I wish you the best.

    BTW, you had me at "I don't think I can break for a paragraph, so I apologize in advance". LOVE IT!!!
  6. by   BabyLady
    Quote from skittlebear
    Am I crazy? I have decided to finally leave my job of 6yrs that pays very good money. It's not a stressful job, per say, but my DON is crazy. I can't put up with her nonsense and backstabbing anymore. She is quite new and has been with the company for about 3 yrs and has been in management for 1 yr. She is very unprofessional...talks to other nurses about other nurses and plays favoritism. She writes up some nurses for the same things that her "favorites" do but the "favorites" don't get written up for anything. Even our brand new supervisor talks about this and even talks bad about our DON and other nurses as well so I feel I can't trust her either. I'm on my phone as I type this so I don't think I can break for a paragraph so I apologize in advance. --- Here is where I need advice. My human resources director wants me to confide in him about why I'm leaving. I want to be honest but also don't want to burn my bridges as I would like to return to work there in the future after she's gone, if she ever will be. I'm assuming he wants to talk with me bc she's had several complaints. I plan on working there PRN. Should I lay it all on the table and be honest or just tell them I've accepted a new position and leave it at that?
    My advice?

    Don't...b/c if the DON ever gets fired and you ever want to go back to that facility, that is when it will come back to haunt you.

    This is a common HR ploy and what will happen is that they will con you into pouring your little heart out to them and the DON will still keep her job. If the want her gone, chances are the HR department can wage a campain against her to get rid of her. Don't let them tell you that they need "evidence" from employees that are leaving to get rid of them...b/c they don't.
  7. by   pedicurn
    I would say move on without laying it all out .... be careful about burning bridges or restricting your future opportunity in some other way.

    IMHO there are some nurse managers who behave like this because they lack professional skill ....not because they are nasty.
    Much of nursing still doesn't insist on the full package - nursing skill and experience PLUS those skills in common with other professions.
    Having lots of clinical skill and knowledge about the organisation can overshadow the lack of professional skill ..... that's why these ones are often promoted. And having lots of organisational knowledge can make them very insular .... another problem.
    And once there ....they stay there because their opportunity is limited elsewhere, especially if they lack the scholastics.
  8. by   Hotnurse06
    I, personally, wouldn't say anything. Like the previous poster said, it may come back to bite you. Even if you did say something to H.R., they probably wouldn't reprimand her because of what you said.

    I would just part ways on a peaceful note and stay PRN.

    My $0.02
  9. by   BettyBoop01
    Never trust HR, they will use you and it will get back to her. It will make your days as prn unbearable. If she leaves, then take a job back there, sometimes things can be very clear without you having to say anything at all. If there is a mass exodus under this DOn and then everyone comes back when she is gone, there you go! Telling HR is not going to help you at all, it can only hurt you.
  10. by   littlemammanurse
    I personally would not say anything when leaving.I wouldn't even explain to them why you are leaving and going to PRN.Do what you need to do you
  11. by   Been there,done that
    I have dealt with the same type of manager. She eventually lost her position because 50% of employee grievances filed, were against her.
    It took Years.... for administration to act on her outrageous behavior. I thik you should break all ties,,, you are hanging on to a no-win situation. I would not trust ANYBODY there with your thoughts on this subject. Crazy DON is still ruling the kingdom.

    You are articulate, consider an anonymous statement to HR, in a about a year!

    Best of luck.
  12. by   madwife2002
    Just keep your dignity and leave quietly.

    This manager is not abusive just inconsistant so you are not saving anybody by being a hero.

    You must think of yourself and know you can always go back should you need to!
  13. by   skittlebear
    Quote from GHGoonette
    So how much do you trust him? If it's in confidence I don't see how it can rebound on you, but if you suspect he's one of her "friends" then you should be wary.

    As a matter of interest, what's the staff turnover like? Have there been a number of other resignations since this DON was appointed? If so, you can bet HR is trying to find out why.

    You don't mention where she was working before her appointment to this position. You can try nosing around the department(s) where she worked to find out if others have had similar issues with her.

    He's been in HR for a long while and don't know him on a personal level, but he "seems" very professional. I don't know what he's like behind closed doors. The previous DON we had was great! She was so professional. I'm probably comparing too much. It is what it is though, you can't look past an unprofessional DON. I can't, at least.
    Last edit by skittlebear on Dec 18, '10 : Reason: Edit: Too much information
  14. by   skittlebear
    Quote from Been there,done that
    I have dealt with the same type of manager. She eventually lost her position because 50% of employee grievances filed, were against her.
    It took Years.... for administration to act on her outrageous behavior. I thik you should break all ties,,, you are hanging on to a no-win situation. I would not trust ANYBODY there with your thoughts on this subject. Crazy DON is still ruling the kingdom.

    You are articulate, consider an anonymous statement to HR, in a about a year!

    Best of luck.
    I really like that advice. I think I will do that instead. Thanks to all who have given me great advice. I felt as though I should say something because so many nurses have complained to me about her and though I was venting, I did just the same. I'm sure that she will hang herself. I'm going to leave on a positive note and keep in touch with the many friends I've made there. Once I find out she's gone, I may just come back. I've been miserable for the past year and feel it is finally time for a change.

close