I am a new grad in the MICU. I have a love hate relationship going on with nursing. Some days I feel really good about nursing. Some days I come home in tears.
On my days off, I find myself stressing about the last shift I worked if it went bad. I'm still in orientation and trying to develop my nursing judgement. I try to stay on top of my time management. Sometimes, I try to "do it all" because I'm so terrified of when I get off orientation, so I tend to "overwork" myself so I can get used to working alone. This is not a good thing. I'm working on learning how to delegate and ask my co workers for help.
The night could be going great. I'm caught up on all my meds, I've given my night bath, I've drawn my labs. And then my pt starts to crash. Then I become thrown off track and try to run around and get my pt stable again. I'm learning to relax. I'm also learning to be flexible because anything could happen at any time. Nothing goes as planned.
I love nursing because I am a giving person. I love seeing a pt come in circling the drain, and my care has helped keep them alive. I love seeing them become stable again and leave my unit. Then I hate nursing. I hate all the politics, all the paperwork, all the stress of worrying about making a mistake that may kill someone, and not being able to relax on my days off.
I'm constanly learning and growing each night I go into work. I'm starting to let go of the "perfection" attitude, because there will be some nights I can't do it all. I will have to delegate some things to my coworkers and the day shift. I ask tons of questions and I will never stop asking them. If there is something I don't know, I'm looking it up. I spend my downtime reading over protocols.
Does it ever get better? Will the anxiety let up a little?
Thanks for listening.