My husband works for me- is this ever going to work? - page 2

I just wanted to get opinions... I am the RN supervisor on the 11-7 shift at a LTC facility. My husband is an LPN. He now works here on a PRN basis, and he works the night shift also. Let me first... Read More

  1. by   ceecel.dee
    I would avoid this situation. Something is bound to come up and complicate/compromise your position.
  2. by   Q.
    I think at most organizations this isn't allowed because of nepotism. I wouldn't be comfortable with it for long and I'd either find a new position or transfer.
  3. by   imenid37
    It is probably okay. If there's an incident, you'd have to be careful handling it and just hand things over to the DON or other supervisor. Shame on his co-workers for their sour grapes. I wish you both luck. I go to work to get a break from my husband. No chance in any universe of him becoming an RN on maternity or me becoming a computer scientist! LOL!!!
  4. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Thank you so much everyone for your responses, it really helps me to put things in perspective. I am glad that he doesnt have this job as a full-time position, I don't think I could ever be comfortable with that.

    The responses did make me put something into perspective though... only 3 people have a problem with it, and dozens have voiced their support for this situation after working with him. So you can't please everybody. I guess that because I was not comfortable with the idea at the beginning, I put more weight on anything negative that I hear. I need to stop doing that! I don't do any of his evaluations and I don't do his assignments, so basically I am just here in case he needs assistance. I do feel a bit uneasy about the situation, but I guess that is natural. And if anyone wants to cry "favoritism" they will have a WHOLE lot of people stating otherwise. And if it starts to be too dicey, he's only PRN anyway, and its not exactly hard to find a job nursing in this city- 57 positions open in one hospital alone! So worse case scenario is still not that bad. Maybe I just worry too much.
  5. by   ZASHAGALKA
    well let me be number 4.

    As a leader, the morale of those under you is your obligation. The appearance of wrongdoing isn't just a technical issue. This situation may be fine for you, but you are not looking at it from the proper perspective - the perspective of those that stand to lose should you ever decide to play favorites (and how could you not, from time to time, either play favorites or appear to play favorites).

    There's no easier way to breed discontent than the appearance of using your position in a way that benefits you (and any benefit to him would be a benefit to you) at the expense of your chargees. Units have come completely apart over the infighting and hurt feelings that can develop.

    This is EXACTLY why this situation is prohibited in most places.

    You're right, you can't please everybody. But you have an obligation as a leader not to be in situations that could unfairly compromise that leadership.

    If it's a PRN job, he should work PRN elsewhere. Or you should take a staff position.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Nov 3, '05
  6. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    I honestly do not consider you #4 as you are not working here and seeing the situation. I do understand the idea that favoritism exists. However, as I have stated, I don't have any WAY to show favoritism. I didn't hire him, can't fire him, can't schedule him, can't make assignments for him, etc. All that is done by the 3-11 supervisor and/or the DON since his shift starts at 7pm and mine doesn't until 11pm. Since he is PRN I don't even evaluate him in any way. My DON and the facility administrator both are happy with the situation. I just want to be able to convey to those who disapprove (one LPN and two CNAs) that this is a nonissue. I don't want to have to defend my position or my fairness. After all, there is nothing I can do to favor him even if I wanted to (which I don't.) I guess that since this is the first job I have had with this much responsibility and this many staff members that I am oversensitive about wanting to please everyone. After all, my approval rating (yes, we have those here, isn't that silly?) is higher than that of anyone else, and the employee satisfaction surveys, which are filled out anonymously, showed no problems. The three that I am talking about haven't approached me with any problems but I have heard that they made snide comments. I don't know if I should meet with them and let them talk it over with me or not. I'm not mad at them for the way they feel, but I do want them to adequately understand the situation.

    Lori
  7. by   Tweety
    Probably not a good idea. I would be uncomfortable with that.

    In the meantime. What do you care what they think and say? But yes, absolutely confront those who are spreading rumors of favoritism and find out what they are thinking and get it out in the open.

    Good luck.
    Last edit by Tweety on Nov 3, '05
  8. by   madwife2002
    Can I just run something by you a position I found myself in recently In the Uk I am what we call a deputy ward manager, which means I run a ward and have control of rotas staffing problems etc. I am always in charge because the other DWM works alternate shifts and our Manager is hardly there.
    A couple of months ago one of my Nurses had a problem on the night shift withan agency prn nurses aid and came to me to solve it on the morning hand over, this PRN nurse was my close friend at home. I had to deal with the situation and it has eroded into my personal life because my friend felt I had not handled it as she would have wanted, and we now no longer speak. There was nobody else on hand to deal with this situation I had no choice but to deal with it then and there and I could not show favoritism as everybody knew she was a personal friend. I never thought in my wildest dreams that things would turn out this way. Just be aware this could happen to you. I am a mature very experienced manager I dealt with the situation correctly but the outcome is different when you have a relationship with that person out of work.
  9. by   Thunderwolf
    There is truth to the saying...never mix work and outside together...unless you have a home business (which I guess is the exception). Have to agree some of what folks are saying. Makes for a bad place to be when bad things are happening. There is no way you could be honestly objective. However, I do want to say that maybe you could see this for yourself as a couple and decide from there what needs to happen next or to be put into place. But, it is a tough spot to be in...it has come to your own mind as well as evidenced by your needing to obtain feedback from us.
  10. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Thunderwolf
    There is truth to the saying...never mix work and outside together...unless you have a home business (which I guess is the exception). Have to agree some of what folks are saying. Makes for a bad place to be when bad things are happening. There is no way you could be honestly objective. However, I do want to say that maybe you could see this for yourself as a couple and decide from there what needs to happen next or to be put into place. But, it is a tough spot to be in...it has come to your own mind as well as evidenced by your needing to obtain feedback from us.
    There is a lot of truth to that... and I guess part of what I wanted to do with this board (which I LOVE and have learned more from than in all my years of nursing school) was to see if him going to fulltime would be a good idea. Now I see it would definately NOT be a good idea, that as it is I'm treading on some gray areas. :uhoh21:
  11. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from madwife2002
    Can I just run something by you a position I found myself in recently In the Uk I am what we call a deputy ward manager, which means I run a ward and have control of rotas staffing problems etc. I am always in charge because the other DWM works alternate shifts and our Manager is hardly there.
    A couple of months ago one of my Nurses had a problem on the night shift withan agency prn nurses aid and came to me to solve it on the morning hand over, this PRN nurse was my close friend at home. I had to deal with the situation and it has eroded into my personal life because my friend felt I had not handled it as she would have wanted, and we now no longer speak. There was nobody else on hand to deal with this situation I had no choice but to deal with it then and there and I could not show favoritism as everybody knew she was a personal friend. I never thought in my wildest dreams that things would turn out this way. Just be aware this could happen to you. I am a mature very experienced manager I dealt with the situation correctly but the outcome is different when you have a relationship with that person out of work.
    What a horrible situation to be in... I hope you realize that if the "friend" based her friendship contingent upon special treatment at work that she was never much of a friend anyway. Fortunately, I am not in a position where I would have to take disciplinary action against him, and if a situation happened where I did have to somehow, I would defer it to my DON ( I asked her if I could do that when she wanted to hire dh PRN and she said it wouldn't be a problem.)
  12. by   madwife2002
    Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
    What a horrible situation to be in... I hope you realize that if the "friend" based her friendship contingent upon special treatment at work that she was never much of a friend anyway. Fortunately, I am not in a position where I would have to take disciplinary action against him, and if a situation happened where I did have to somehow, I would defer it to my DON ( I asked her if I could do that when she wanted to hire dh PRN and she said it wouldn't be a problem.)
    It was horrible and I realise now we could never have been friends, I just put it down to another lesson in life. I am sure you will be ok, you have thought it through, and are aware of potential problems. Good Luck
  13. by   ZASHAGALKA
    You might not be in charge of his evals or staffing, etc., but if something needs to be handled during a shift, you are it.

    Be in their position for a moment. If they had a problem w/ your husband, could they bring it to you to solve? No really. I'm not asking if you are an open person, I'm asking if the situation itself lends to the thought process that you would or could not be there for them.

    Or let me put it this way: suppose a patient suggests that your husband was abusive to them or under the influence. Whether true or not, could you deal with that, or would you just blow it off because you know it isn't true. Could you be or be perceived to be a fair arbitrator on the spot? Isn't there an inherent reason to fear that you couldnt' be - if you were the person taking a side against your husband, wouldn't you feel the odds were stacked against you?

    Could you order your husband to take a drug test?

    And this has only been discussed along the ramifications of work. If you made a decision your husband disagreed with, how would it affect your home life?

    I would def shy away from this situation. There's reasons it's frown upon elsewhere. And there are reasons you have doubts about it. And they are good reasons.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.

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