Moving home with the parents for school- better than debt?

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in psych, ltc, case management.

Hello my friends!

Here is my situation. I am starting nursing school in the end of August (this will be my second degree). I am 25 years old, and I have been living with my boyfriend happily for the last 2 years. Before that, I lived at home and was absolutely miserable. I hated it. A large part of this is due to my dysfunctional family (there is alcohol abuse involved), and since I have moved out I have been much more emotionally healthy.

I thought I would have some help from other relatives to go back to school and to put towards my living expenses, but just found out that I will not get any help towards living expenses at all. My boyfriend has his own things to pay for, and I wouldn't expect him to pave my way anyway- this is my career, not his.

If I try to stay where I am, I will have to borrow about $50,000 total in student loans. If I move home, the number will be drastically reduced to $30,000 total (maybe less).

So..I am at a complete loss as to what to do. Is my emotional sanity for 2 years worth the $20,000+ interest I will have to pay back for the next 10-30 years? I know that nobody can know the answer but me, but I really am at a loss. I've made pros and con lists and I just don't know what to do. I could really use some ideas, advise, or stories about what other people did (or are doing) in school.

Thank you!!:redbeathe

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Specializes in SICU/CVICU.
Hello my friends!

Here is my situation. I am starting nursing school in the end of August (this will be my second degree). I am 25 years old, and I have been living with my boyfriend happily for the last 2 years. Before that, I lived at home and was absolutely miserable. I hated it. A large part of this is due to my dysfunctional family (there is alcohol abuse involved), and since I have moved out I have been much more emotionally healthy.

I thought I would have some help from other relatives to go back to school and to put towards my living expenses, but just found out that I will not get any help towards living expenses at all. My boyfriend has his own things to pay for, and I wouldn't expect him to pave my way anyway- this is my career, not his.

If I try to stay where I am, I will have to borrow about $50,000 total in student loans. If I move home, the number will be drastically reduced to $30,000 total (maybe less).

So..I am at a complete loss as to what to do. Is my emotional sanity for 2 years worth the $20,000+ interest I will have to pay back for the next 10-30 years? I know that nobody can know the answer but me, but I really am at a loss. I've made pros and con lists and I just don't know what to do. I could really use some ideas, advise, or stories about what other people did (or are doing) in school.

Thank you!!:redbeathe

I had trouble with the whole financial thing and I live with my boyfriend as well. Even though my family situation is probably more desirable than yours, I still wouldn't (and didn't) leave my life and home with my boyfriend to save money. True, I would save money, but my relationship was more important to me.

I think going from living with someone to moving out would be pretty damaging to the relationship. It's a big step back, or could possibly ruin the relationship. That is just my opinion though (since you asked).

I chose to take out loans and work part-time. So far it's going just fine. Nobody wants loans, but sometimes you have to do it.

Plus it sounds like the environment you would be living in if you moved wouldn't be very calm and study friendly....

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Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.

Nursing school is really challenging. I wouldn't want to do it while living in a bad home environment unless I had no other choice.

If the issues are mild - then it might be worth saving 20k. But it sounds like they aren't mild.

You don't want to be psychologically labile due to stress during school. Sure, some others have successfully done it. And some others haven't successfully done it (i.e. they failed out).

I suspect you know what you need to do, but just feel badly spending the money to do it.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I've been living away from my parents for the past 5 years, and I wouldn't voluntarily return to live with them unless I was a paycheck away from living under the local freeway overpass. As much as I love them, I have found more peace and serenity by living on my own.

In addition, my parents' personal habits clash with my own. My father abuses ETOH, and both parents are cigarette smokers. I cannot stand the sight or smell of a drunkard, and the smoking has bothered me for years. Mom and Dad are also very social people who become energized by being around many other people. I, on the other hand, become annoyed and drained by their social gatherings.

I could be saving loads of money by living with my parents, but my sanity is worth the higher price I'm paying to live alone.

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i would stay with your boyfriend because your time with him will be limited once you start school. i was just discussing this topic the other day with friends. we decided to move home to go to school because everything is so expensive. only in america is the stereotype prevailing where your a dead beat if you live at home. my friend in france lives with her mom and saves money to summer in other cities with friends where they rent a house.

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I think you might be setting yourself up for failure. "Home" sounds like it could be toxic to your emotionl and mental health....and in the end school would suffer. Realize the $$$ borrowed is an investment in YOU!

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I would move back with my mommy in a heart beat...I love that lady even though she is rude and drives me crazy and bosses me around...never mind, I will stay out on my won. ;)

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Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.

I would try and avoid moving in with to a toxic environment while in school. That is scholastic suicide. However, to put a spin on what else has already been mentioned; how secure is your relationship with your boyfriend? Nursing school can put a person through scales of emotional, physical and financial strain. Relationships can become neglected; the house may not be so clean, no time to go out, intimate time may be limited, significant others feel envious and neglected and a host of other challenges. Do you think that your boyfriend is mature enough to withstand this? I am not trying to say that one cannot enjoy school and successfully balance their lives.

I have seen situations where a spouse impregnated another woman (these three people work at the same job) while she was in nursing school. This was not her boyfriend...this was her husband and they have children together. The jerk used the excuse that she had no time for him...meanwhile, she was trying to better the lives of herself and family. I am not saying to anticipate something that does not exist...if you have a secure life with this man, then, fantastic. But, while attending nursing school, one can become unintentionally self absorbed.

I still say to go to school because this is for YOU. Just keep your finger to the pulse in case things get a bit wavy and you have to jump ship to save yourself.

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I would agree with everyone else here. Living at home is not a good idea with a dysfunctional family. It will inadvertently affect your school.

What if because of your dysfunctional family, you have a really bad day the day before a major test, cant study at all that night, don't sleep that night, can't concentrate the next morning, and end up failing.

Don't live with people who won't support you a 100%. You deserve better.

I went through the same mess with my first degree, then decided to move away for nursing school ( to another city), so i could concentrate on school, my life, and my successes.

The debt is not a happy part of the deal, but anything is better than going back to being miserable

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Specializes in Peds, PICU, Home health, Dialysis.

Absolutely not. Like other have said, nursing school is tough enough. Putting yourself in an environment you are not comfortable in will probably hinder you from doing the best you can.

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I would stay with your boyfriend and not go back to a toxic environment. Better to have peace of mind and less stress at home when school is already stressful enough.

Can you go to a community college and get an Associates at a fraction of the cost before going for another 4 year degree?! You could then work on your 4 year nursing degree at night while employed. And chances are you will have most of the pre-reqs done already for community college. Just a thought to save you some money and stress.

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Specializes in Pediatric Intensive Care, Urgent Care.

i would much rather have the debt and good environment. You may not make through nursing school in "your" family home environment!

Mex

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