Marriage to a Nurse-- Need HELP - page 7

Hi everyone. I am nto a nurse, however I am in a serious relationship with a Student Nurse. We have been talking marriage for some time now but she needs to graduate school. She will be done with... Read More

  1. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from AnnaN5
    The relationship between doctors and nurses isn't any different than working relationships in other careers. Of course some doctors and nurses may have personal relationships but that is because they are interested in eachother not because doctors go around saying 'hey there is a nurse, lets get with her/him' or nurses saying 'hey there a doctor, lets get with him/her'. Most people don't look for spouses/dates at their jobs just for the the fact that you don't want to spend 24/7 with someone at home, at work, etc.
    So doctors are not the same scum you find at a bar or dance clubs that just want one thing from you... Most of them probally are married and have better things on their minds?
  2. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    Good points.... really good points...You see you husband works from home.. Which is what I should try and do... Somehow Someway... If you work nights he can set time for when u get home or during the afternnoon or whenerever your not working or sleeping.... Plus he can handle any issues with any children... like getting sick at school or getting picked up from school or even taken to after school sports... I work in NYC and I get home around 7 and if she had a 3-11 shift... It would be hard to figure out how to help the kids out with picking them up or taking them to practice...
    BTW.... I am really going to piss you people off now... I work at New York Presb Hospital.... However, i tried to talk to the staff and noone ever had time for me... even for a lunch to discuss this stuff... they recomended this site... If only they knew!!
    anyway... my girl wouldn't feel confotrable with that stuff.. she told me she made a huge mistake before she started schooling... The school had a night session for the S/O of the nursing students... they were their to talk to you to tell you life was going to get hard and so on so forth... there was also a q/a afterwards for any concerns.... She kicks herself everyday because she thought I could have used it..
  3. by   cinrn68
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    NOW THIS IS A POSTING.... LETS TEACH EVERYONE HERE HOW TO WRITE A POSITIVE POST.... I appreciate this... I really do... I want to cut and paste the good points u made but the entire post makes sense... Your right I am young enough that its going to be 3 years or so before we get married.

    See my entrie orignal post was about the relationship.... I didn't want to lead her on telling her Life is grand and i have no concerns.. I don't like lieing to her.. I never did..never will.... The worst thing is... I don't want to make rash decisions on someone I care about soo deeply... This posting makes more sense then the rest...everything excpet the part of agreeing with everyone's posting.... Thank you for breaking down the typical life of being a nurse in the er cinrn68. By stating their are busy and slow days... I do understand what you mean by being an individual... but their has to be similarites.. Like hours ever got in the way...or hours were perfect because... Alot of people talked about standard precautions when you got someone comming in with have the body torn off.. Are there certain procedures that require eye protection or sheilds when in a certain area... This will give me an insight of what happens around the ER... rather then trying to watch it on Hollywood.

    One more question......do doctors really try and hump all the nurses?
    Heh heh... from my experience, no, the doctors are not trying to hump ALL the nurses (just the cute ones! JUST JOKING). Seriously... I've been nursing for 7 years (and attached the whole time ), and although I have had some interest from a few doctors, they have not tried to hump me! You have to understand, we work with the doctors on a daily basis. If one is so inclined to have relations with the doctors (or other nurses for that matter) it can make life rather uncomfortable when things don't work out. If you're concerned about your girlfriend, then it won't matter what profession she is in. It's a question of trust. If you're in a loving, trusting relationship to begin with, then it won't be an issue for you.

    As far as the universal precautions. This means gloves for every patient in a normal medical setting. Working in the ER, it depends on the level of trauma that the ER deals with. The trauma that you see on TLC is mostly in urban settings where they have huge trauma facilities. In this case, it's gloves, gown, and protective eye gear. You have to understand that the hospital will not put a nurse at risk -- that is why gloves are all over the place and if we have patients on isolation for whatever reason, we have gloves, gowns (if there's a risk of being soiled) and masks (if there's a risk of airborne disease). And the most important thing of all is HANDWASHING. Your girlfriend will prevent bringing home a lot of crap if she gets into the habit of washing her hands repeatedly!
  4. by   AnnaN5
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    So doctors are not the same scum you find at a bar or dance clubs that just want one thing from you... Most of them probally are married and have better things on their minds?
    Its a professional environment, most people don't try to date people they work with just for the fact that it can be uncomfortable after a break-up. If you weren't attached, would you go around your place of employment and try to get with all the girls that work there? I doubt you would since most people don't go to work expecting to get a date. After working for awhile with someone you may grow into a relationship but places of employment including hospitals aren't singles bars where everyone is looking to get some.
  5. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from cinrn68
    Heh heh... from my experience, no, the doctors are not trying to hump ALL the nurses (just the cute ones! JUST JOKING). Seriously... I've been nursing for 7 years (and attached the whole time ), and although I have had some interest from a few doctors, they have not tried to hump me! You have to understand, we work with the doctors on a daily basis. If one is so inclined to have relations with the doctors (or other nurses for that matter) it can make life rather uncomfortable when things don't work out. If you're concerned about your girlfriend, then it won't matter what profession she is in. It's a question of trust. If you're in a loving, trusting relationship to begin with, then it won't be an issue for you.

    As far as the universal precautions. This means gloves for every patient in a normal medical setting. Working in the ER, it depends on the level of trauma that the ER deals with. The trauma that you see on TLC is mostly in urban settings where they have huge trauma facilities. In this case, it's gloves, gown, and protective eye gear. You have to understand that the hospital will not put a nurse at risk -- that is why gloves are all over the place and if we have patients on isolation for whatever reason, we have gloves, gowns (if there's a risk of being soiled) and masks (if there's a risk of airborne disease). And the most important thing of all is HANDWASHING. Your girlfriend will prevent bringing home a lot of crap if she gets into the habit of washing her hands repeatedly!
    I am surprised how many people talk about the gloves.... One of my thoughts was...wow the only things from your and the person is a piece of latex... I guess I underestimate the value of latex..Is it that impenratrble??(sp)
  6. by   cinrn68
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    Your right I am young enough that its going to be 3 years or so before we get married.

    See my entrie orignal post was about the relationship.... I didn't want to lead her on telling her Life is grand and i have no concerns.. I don't like lieing to her.. I never did..never will.... The worst thing is... I don't want to make rash decisions on someone I care about soo deeply...
    If you're only getting married in 3 years, then don't sweat it just yet. Why don't you wait and see what it's like once she's working. I can understand your concerns, and trying to deal with them now is a good idea, but maybe you presented yourself in a bit of a self-centered position. If your concerns about her health and safety are your number one concerns, then that's very commendable on your part. But don't start out saying that your concerned that you'll never see each other, etc. That just pisses a lot of people off from the get go! I work with 60 nurses on my unit and at least 3/4 of them are married with kids and are managing just fine. I'd say 99 percent of the husbands work "normal" hours, and between the 2 parents they manage with the kids with no problems. The great thing about nursing is it's flexibility. If your girlfriend (wife) is working on a unit where the hours are no longer conducive to your life situation, she can find another unit that better suits her needs. And if bedside nursing is no longer appealing to her (and if she has her bachelor degree) she can work for medical/pharmaceutical companies, she can do research, she can do many other things that don't necessarily mean that she's stuck with shift work for the rest of your lives together.
  7. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from AnnaN5
    Its a professional environment, most people don't try to date people they work with just for the fact that it can be uncomfortable after a break-up. If you weren't attached, would you go around your place of employment and try to get with all the girls that work there? I doubt you would since most people don't go to work expecting to get a date. After working for awhile with someone you may grow into a relationship but places of employment including hospitals aren't singles bars where everyone is looking to get some.
    Well that makes me feel alot better.... Its not that i don't trust her ...i do... i just don't like it when i hear her tell me how some dude was snarling and drooling over her when she went to a bar or something.....Thats when I really become overprotective...but i let her deal with that stuff... or i will go insane
  8. by   cinrn68
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    I am surprised how many people talk about the gloves.... One of my thoughts was...wow the only things from your and the person is a piece of latex... I guess I underestimate the value of latex..Is it that impenratrble??(sp)
    Actually, they are non-latex gloves these days since so many people have developed allergies to latex. However, there aren't many organisms that can cross through the gloves. (think about a condom -- those little swimmers can't get through that thin piece of plastic either!!) The gloves protect from blood borne pathogens (if you happen to have a cut on your finger, etc.), and other secretions that we may come across, but again, the most important thing is handwashing, even you wear the gloves.
  9. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from cinrn68
    Actually, they are non-latex gloves these days since so many people have developed allergies to latex. However, there aren't many organisms that can cross through the gloves. (think about a condom -- those little swimmers can't get through that thin piece of plastic either!!) The gloves protect from blood borne pathogens (if you happen to have a cut on your finger, etc.), and other secretions that we may come across, but again, the most important thing is handwashing, even you wear the gloves.
    Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??

    I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient
  10. by   cinrn68
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??

    I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient
    It can happen that they rip, but if the patient is that questionable, a lot of nurses double-glove for those occasions. And like I said, you're really only at risk if you have cuts or what-not on your own hands, and if you're really paranoid, you can wipe yourself down with chlorhexidine antiseptic or rubbing alcohol if you do come in contact with an iffy patient. Yes, the gloves are intended to be discarded after each patient (and then you wash your hands before going on to the next one).
  11. by   gypsyatheart
    OK, NeedAdvice1234, after reading the last couple of pages (especially post#62), I am going to revise my advice to you. You, not you and your fiancee, but you, need to seek some professional counselling. It is clear you have issues, issues with women, issues with trust, issues with relationships. You haven't read half the postings offerred to you. All you've done is picked up on a few "funny"/sarcastic comments. It sounds like you want reassurance and someone to tell you "everything is gonna be OK"...guess what, no one can tell you that, because not one of us knows what will happen in our lives. Suppose you two do actually progress and get married, and she does become a nurse. Suppose something did happen to her...an exposure or on the job injury? What would you do? Leave her? I'm not saying that any of that will/would happen, but it is possible, and you need to know that. But you know what? Injuries can happen anytime, anywhere. What if, God forbid, she were in some kind of accident, what then, are you gonna walk out on her because you weren't prepared for it? Just giving you some food for thought. You really do have issues,like I said..feelings of abandonment, I think this is maybe where a lot of this coming from.... Please seek some counseling for yourself, then perhaps the two of you together.
    I think you will find, that no matter what woman you end up,you will have these issues,until you recognize them and work on them.
  12. by   bukko
    Quote from NeedAdvice1234
    Don't they ever rip?? If so do you have to resanitize yourself no matter how fatal the injury is??

    I also guess you swap out gloves after every patient
    Needy -- I've given you some smirky replies, not to be insulting, but to try and inject some humor. All smirkiness aside, let me add a few points.

    1.) People here have read extra meanings into your comments because that's part of what we do on the job. When we question a patient, we never get the whole truth immediately. They may forget things, be embarrassed to tell all, or have psychological problems that prevent them from opening up. But we have to learn the truth. For instance, we have to know that this person drinks a quart of vodka a day, because they're going to go into delerium tremens and we need the doctor to prescribe drugs to alleviate that.
    So we pick up on words, gestures and hesitations that indicate things unsaid. Most nurses have great B.S. detectors. I haven't read things into your previous posts like other nurses because it hasn't been important enough to analyze that deeply. But your choice of the words "fatal" and "resanitize" indicate a deeper fear-of-germs issue. Am I right? If so, analyze your attitude toward the situation in light of that. And don't forget that more people get hepatitis from slobbo restaurant workers than ER needle sticks.

    2.) As far as being married to a nurse, maybe this can give you some comfort: there are hundreds of thousands of people who are married to nurses in America. My wife is one. (She frequently makes me shut up at the dinner table when I tell disgusting job tales.) And somehow, these hundreds of thousands make it work. Don't you think you're just as capable as them?
  13. by   NeedAdvice1234
    Quote from bukko
    Needy -- I've given you some smirky replies, not to be insulting, but to try and inject some humor. All smirkiness aside, let me add a few points.

    1.) People here have read extra meanings into your comments because that's part of what we do on the job. When we question a patient, we never get the whole truth immediately. They may forget things, be embarrassed to tell all, or have psychological problems that prevent them from opening up. But we have to learn the truth. For instance, we have to know that this person drinks a quart of vodka a day, because they're going to go into delerium tremens and we need the doctor to prescribe drugs to alleviate that.
    So we pick up on words, gestures and hesitations that indicate things unsaid. Most nurses have great B.S. detectors. I haven't read things into your previous posts like other nurses because it hasn't been important enough to analyze that deeply. But your choice of the words "fatal" and "resanitize" indicate a deeper fear-of-germs issue. Am I right? If so, analyze your attitude toward the situation in light of that. And don't forget that more people get hepatitis from slobbo restaurant workers than ER needle sticks.

    2.) As far as being married to a nurse, maybe this can give you some comfort: there are hundreds of thousands of people who are married to nurses in America. My wife is one. (She frequently makes me shut up at the dinner table when I tell disgusting job tales.) And somehow, these hundreds of thousands make it work. Don't you think you're just as capable as them?
    Maybe i lashed out wrong in this forum maybe i didn't...all i know is that I came to seek advice and help in understanding what nursing is about...
    I know i was off track with a lot of my concerns but I had no opposing information to make me belive otherwise.. I understand humor is a part to elivate the circumstances...however this was a very difficult and importnat subject to me. Generally speaking I felt it was off color to make fun of a situation thats been stirring in my head since she started Nurseing school. I am trying to be the best guy for her..and with that takes understanding and to understand something you need to tackle the fears.

    Your post makes alot of sense... I am not sure If I would benifit from professional help since this is just one bump in MY world of romance. I would think if i needed any professional help then other areas would have surfaced as problems in my relationship...Not trusting... Stalking .... or even reading mail or something.. This is just me being overprotective of myself... It was hard getting hurt so young...but instead of pushing people away..I over anaylize all pssiblities and the stuff that i get stuck on for an answer I research...

    Your posting is interested... you got me thinking... Like I said the germs and diseases scare me..and why am I focused on it..... well this might sound stupid but its kinda like... If you knew that driving to work today would end you up in a fatal crash and paralyze you or make you into a veggie state would you take the ride or call out of work????

    Same here... if she was at a great risk for contracting a disease for the rest of her life or even shorten the life maybe its a topic of conversation needed to be addressed.... WHICH IT WAS..knowing that over 2milion nurses on 35 got infected by something in 2003 makes me feel alot better...

    Now... you asked me... thousands of people are married to a nurse and am i just as capable as them....

    I never thought about it that way.... I guess because I was so wound up on it failing i never thought about how it could work...Your right... if they can why can't I?

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