Male Urologic Dilemma - page 5

First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of... Read More

  1. by   pannie
    YEA!!!! There are many PCPs who DO go the extra mile for their patients and if yours is not willing to do this....find one who will. Or find out what system your hospital is affliated with and go straight to the top, to their PR department (where I live it would be Baylor, Presby, Tenent, etc.) and I'll bet they'd be competing to accommodate you.
  2. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from 58flyer
    Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire
    Just a stern, "Look, if you can't provide what I need, can you at least refer me to someone who can?"

    ... while you rifle through your wallet...
  3. by   58flyer
    Quote from Ophelia78
    I can totally understand how you feel. In dealing with my infertility, I had a hard time getting over my extreme distaste about being examined by a male. I've always seen female GYNs because the thought of a strange man touching me was just unbearable. No reflection on their competency, I just couldn't bear the thought. Since all the Reproductive Endocrinologists in my area are male, I finally caved and saw one. I was surprised by how kind and concerned for my privacy he was. I have since seen both male REs in the practice and feel the same about both of them. I am now glad that I faced my fear and went through with it. Is it possible to meet the assisting staff beforehand to increase your comfort? Your feelings are valid, you will feel them whether or not others agree that you should have them. I hope you can work through them if other solutions don't work out.
    Ophelia, I am inspired to see that you overcame your fear with your infertility problem. As a result of my experience I have a sperm antibody problem so DW and I have been down the infertility road several times (without success). Fortunately, the wife does not have a modesty problem and in fact actually prefers men performing her care, and not just docs but nurses and techs as well. I am all for whatever she is comfortable with. I can truthfully say that I have met some really wonderful female nurses whom I felt I could be comfortable with if it really came down to being cared for by them. I can only hope that if I was faced with such a situation that a professional of that caliber was performing my care since I think it would make or break my future ability to accept it. I like your suggestion about meeting the staff beforehand, it would let them know what my thoughts and feelings were and how they might be better prepared for a patient like me, that is, if they will take the time to listen.

    Good luck, I hope you have success with the fertility issue.
  4. by   bigsyis
    I would again suggest that you get yourself referred to the nearest University College of Medicine. Either Mister PCP with the soulful eyes can do it, or you can self-refer. Best of luck, and please let us know how you're doing.
  5. by   Ophelia78
    flyer58,

    It just occurred to me as well that you may want to explain to the assisting personnel your discomfort before the procedure. That way, they may be more self-aware and apt to put you at your ease. When I had an HSG it was the 1st time I worked with the male RE. I told him about my discomfort beforehand and he allowed my husband to be in the room with me. I also took a Benedryl beforehand, since it makes me too sleepy to care. However, I like the previous poster's suggestion of Ativan. That would be even better!

    I wish you and your wife luck on your IF journey as well...
  6. by   58flyer
    UPDATE:

    Saw my PCP yesterday. The IVP and ct showed no problems with kidneys and labs show great numbers. Still moderate hematuria though. Only issues are the blood in the urine and a nagging ground zero cough (but I chose to go there so I'm not complaining), other than that perfect health.

    PCP says gotta do the scope. I presented the idea of going the hospital route, and he agreed that it is a place where I would find more male assistants, but he thinks that a doctors office would be a more comfortable and private environment. This time I really got after him. Since I was the last patient of the day he was in no huge hurry like docs usually are. He sat and listened and I laid out the trauma experience. It was tough to get started but once I got rolling it just came out. Now he understands that this is not just a modesty problem but a real trauma issue. But he also said "I wish I had known that before." I guess I wasn't forceful enough...my fault I suppose. Now he is all determined to do what he can do for me. He agreed to personally approach the local urologists with the problem and said if nothing else he would go and assist if they would allow it.

    His ARNP was sitting right outside the door and heard the whole exchange. As I was leaving she said to me that she would make sure he would address this issue and she knew a couple of the uros personally/professionally and might be able to help. Gotta love those nurses! Should know something early next week.

    I really appreciate the thoughts, prayers, suggestions, and social advice many of you have given on this forum. You all have really helped a ton already. A big :icon_hug: to everyone. I will let you know how it goes.
  7. by   pegbord
    Hey Flyer!!! I am so pleased for you!! This is such a huge hurdle to overcome and you have got the ball rolling, taking action and on the path to making sure you receive the kind of care you need. I am indeed inspired both by your courage as well as the sincerely concerned people on this forum who have your best interest at heart and seem to have formed a sort of "love-energy-net" around you.
  8. by   cardiacRN2006
    Awesome news!!!
  9. by   Dolce
    Good for you! I am so glad you were able to address the whole issue with your urologist. You may find that if you actually have a positive experience getting this scope done that it may ease some of the fear and pain from what happened in the past.
  10. by   bigsyis
    58Flyer, I am SOOO glad that you got the attention of your doc. I think that, most likely, you both learned something from this. Hopefully, he learned to listen a little more closely, and be more attentive, and hopefully you found what good can come of being more assertive (without being aggressive). I think you have opened the eyes of several people, and hopefully expanded some minds, too. I abhor the fact that you had to experience the trauma that you did. Hopefully the people who have been reading this thread have found that it doesn't really matter what reason it is that you are uncomfortable with a provider. We should always try to be as accomodating as possible, because we have no idea what some other person has experienced in their life, on the way to where they are right now.
    BTW, by accomodating, I mean the milk of human kindness-type of accomodation. That does NOT mean that Nurses need to play human doormat for every nut and weirdo that would certainly try to take advantage of us. Believe me-I've met my share of those folks over the years!
    Please continue to keep us updated.
    Last edit by bigsyis on May 25, '07 : Reason: spelling
  11. by   58flyer
    Quote from bigsyis
    58Flyer, I am SOOO glad that you got the attention of your doc. I think that, most likely, you both learned something from this. Hopefully, he learned to listen a little more closely, and be more attentive, and hopefully you found what good can come of being more assertive (without being aggressive). I think you have opened the eyes of several people, and hopefully expanded some minds, too. I abhor the fact that you had to experience the trauma that you did. Hopefully the people who have been reading this thread have found that it doesn't really matter what reason it is that you are uncomfortable with a provider. We should always try to be as accomodating as possible, because we have no idea what some other person has experienced in their life, on the way to where they are right now.
    BTW, by accomodating, I mean the milk of human kindness-type of accomodation. That does NOT mean that Nurses need to play human doormat for every nut and weirdo that would certainly try to take advantage of us. Believe me-I've met my share of those folks over the years!
    Please continue to keep us updated.
    I am definitely in agreement with you. After being on this forum, I certainly have a greater appreciation of nurses. For as long as I live, I will never take nurses for granted. Promise.
  12. by   58flyer
    Quote from Dolce
    Good for you! I am so glad you were able to address the whole issue with your urologist. You may find that if you actually have a positive experience getting this scope done that it may ease some of the fear and pain from what happened in the past.
    Thanks, that's a good point. If this thing goes well that should be the case.
  13. by   matchstickxx
    58flyer, I'm happy to hear you were able to open up to your PCP and that he actually heard what you were telling him. I'm also glad to hear that he has office staff who are willing to make sure he follows through with you.
    I wish you the very best.

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