Male Urologic Dilemma - page 4

First, let me say that I am not asking for medical advice. I am under the care of my PCP and am paying the big $$ for that. I guess I am just looking for social advice, a shoulder to cry on, words of... Read More

  1. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from 58flyer
    Zoe, yes, I had blood work on Thurs and PSA was ordered. Will get the results on the 24th. Thanks for your concern!
    Awesome!
  2. by   shellsincanada
    Quote from TazziRN
    I'm sorry.....how in the world does that compare with what Flyer is asking????
    If he chooses to do nothing until there is nothing that can be done or what needs to be done is even more invasive I doubt the hospital or hospice etc... will be able to provide an all male team.Nurses... Can your hospital provide a male for every shift? 2 for those procedures that require 2 people( turns, other 2 ppl things)

    Granted this could turn out to be nothing. But flyer you NEED to be treated for this both from the psychological the medical/physical elements. You deserve to have your life be YOURS. Do not let this rule your life anymore then it has already done. Trust me I know of what I speak... I am in therapy now and while it can be painful and leave you feeling raw at times, it is worth it ( as am I - i have decided)
  3. by   TazziRN
    He's not talking about male staff for everything including turning, he's talking about during a procedure. And with your history of your own trauma, I would think you would have a little more empathy for him.
  4. by   canoehead
    Folks, I have a similar issue to the OP, and dammed if I will ever put myself in a position where I don't feel safe or at least able to make the decision to leave at any time. Trust me when I say that for some it is better to die than to break a promise made to ourselves, and what happened once will never happen again. Disregarding our right to decide (even if we make bad decisions) is a huge trigger point.
    Please respect his decision.
  5. by   Tweety
    I did some pruning of this thread. Several of you will get PM's about posts being moved. They are in an area you can't access. This helps to keep the thread more on topic and supportive of the op. It's been a good discussion with overwhelmingly positive support in most cases. We can't let a negative post or two, or a post we don't agree with overshadow the positivity.

    Also note some might get a pm that your post was edited. It's mainly because you referenced a post I deleted.

    Please carry on, sticking to the subject of supporting and advising the original poster. Thanks!
    Last edit by Tweety on May 20, '07
  6. by   Ophelia78
    I can totally understand how you feel. In dealing with my infertility, I had a hard time getting over my extreme distaste about being examined by a male. I've always seen female GYNs because the thought of a strange man touching me was just unbearable. No reflection on their competency, I just couldn't bear the thought. Since all the Reproductive Endocrinologists in my area are male, I finally caved and saw one. I was surprised by how kind and concerned for my privacy he was. I have since seen both male REs in the practice and feel the same about both of them. I am now glad that I faced my fear and went through with it. Is it possible to meet the assisting staff beforehand to increase your comfort? Your feelings are valid, you will feel them whether or not others agree that you should have them. I hope you can work through them if other solutions don't work out.
  7. by   shellsincanada
    Quote from TazziRN
    He's not talking about male staff for everything including turning, he's talking about during a procedure. And with your history of your own trauma, I would think you would have a little more empathy for him.

    He is talking about a female assisting with a procedure. What if he has something serious and requires care and treatment that is more invasive? Do most units have the ability to ONLY have males assist with all procedures? Seriously- think about this if flyer has an issue( and I don't doubt the trauma behind it) with a female assistant being in the room for the scope- do you think he will be okay with a female nurse catherizing,irrigating, providing peri care, assisting with tolieting, bathing, changing, doing dressing changes etc? ( the list is endless) By waiting until he feels ready to take on this challenge he could be compounding the extent of illness and actually be requiring more care by females anyway.

    And my history is my history - I know what I speak of and supporting a decision not to get treatment (both mental and physical treatment) isn't empathy. If you read my posts - you'll see that I am strongly encouraging flyer to get treatment. Avoidance doesn't help. As a previous poster has mentioned- and I also know from experience that it actually makes things much worse. The issues build and build until they come to a head where you wish you had done something earlier.
  8. by   TazziRN
    Shells, read Canoe's post, #43.
  9. by   shellsincanada
    Quote from TazziRN
    Shells, read Canoe's post, #43.
    I did. No one is taking away his choice. Tell me where I am doing that? I am not disregarding his choice not to be treated. He has that right. Although I will not support or encourage that. And respecting? umm no - sure it is his right to make bad decisions for whatever reason- but no one has to respect that. I could decide I want to take all sorts of substances , slice myself up, hit my head against a wall - whatever for whatever reason- my decision- but I wouldn't expect someone to RESPECT that. It would be my decision and I would bear the consequences as I have pointed out. If flyer chooses not to be treated because he is unable to find an all male team and it turns out to be serious- he will be the one to suffer the consequences.He is welcome to make the choice to die as canoe says- if he thinks that will be a better situation. It would be a sad situation that could have maybe been prevented.

    I wouldn't respect the decision to ignore his health. I respect the other stuff he has done( law enforcement etc) but not this decision. If he gets treatment( either/or therapy or this test) I will respect the fact that he is taking care of himself and not allowing this to own him( as he has mentioned in another post- being held prisioner of this experience and allowing this ) I respect that he is trying to find a solution as opposed to not just fully ignoring the problem.

    And I believe by asking this question and being open to solutions flyer is looking for help. Again- flyer seek the appropriate help.
  10. by   Tweety
    shellsincanada, you make some a very valid case for your opinion, and you've stated it very well.

    I tend to think he should conquer this fear however necessary to get treatment for his conditions. I don't have to shove that down is throat but in this forum I should feel free to express that.

    Ultimately we can agree to disagree with whatever road the op decides to take.

    We in health care have to allow people their choices. I had to allow the choice one of my trached patients with pneumonia to exercise his free will and smoke. (He was uncuffed and could put his finger over his trach and inhale normally.) Do I respect that decision? No I don't. Do a respect his right to make that decision. Sure I do. Two different scenerios of respect and not respecting.

    Not that I have any right to get on a soapbox either.........god knows I've made some poor choices, particularly in regards to my own peace of mind, and my physical health as well.
    Last edit by Tweety on May 20, '07
  11. by   a21chdchic
    I'm sorry for your past experiences, it is sad.
    But it's time to bite the bullet and do what needs to be done for yourself. You are ultimately responsible for yourself and the state of your health. Putting off finding the problem is merely prolonging treatment that could potentially come to late to do you any good. This is not an option. Take care of yourself now, while you have the chance. Early treatment makes for the best prognosis.
    I would simply be honest with everyone where you are treated and let them know your fears, what you are and are not comfortable with, and ask thier patience with you.

    a21chdchic in AZ
  12. by   58flyer
    Quote from shellsincanada
    I wouldn't respect the decision to ignore his health. I respect the other stuff he has done( law enforcement etc) but not this decision. If he gets treatment( either/or therapy or this test) I will respect the fact that he is taking care of himself and not allowing this to own him( as he has mentioned in another post- being held prisioner of this experience and allowing this ) I respect that he is trying to find a solution as opposed to not just fully ignoring the problem.

    And I believe by asking this question and being open to solutions flyer is looking for help. Again- flyer seek the appropriate help.
    Shells, rest assured that I will get treatment for this. You have made many good points which I truly appreciate. Your comments have made me think long and hard about what I am getting into. I know you understand that it is difficult to have to turn back to the very community that caused the trauma in the first place. That's the biggest hurdle. It doesn't help that docs don't always take the time to listen to their patients, or brush off their concerns. It doesn't help that my own doc said "I know what you mean, I have other male patients with the same problem" and then give me his best soulful look. Looks, words, and wishful thinking mean nothing unless it is turned into action. I asked him to speak doc to doc with the urologist and he agreed that that was a great idea, but I doubt he followed through with that. It didn't help that the urology clinic didn't answer my email. It didn't help that the person at the urology clinic, when I asked about male assistants, just said "Sorry, we can't help you, goodbye...". She probably wasn't even a medical professional, just a scheduler. When I meet with my primary doc this week I am going to remind him that he needs to advocate for his patient. I am going to present many of the ideas shared on this thread and tell him I want to get the ball rolling NOW. No more words of sympathy, no more soulful looks. Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire
  13. by   NurseyBaby'05
    Quote from 58flyer
    Any advice on lighting a fire under my docs fanny? :angryfire

    :roll If I could figure out a mathematical formula for this I would offer to split the Nobel Prize money with you. We could patent it as intellectual property and use the proceeds to get you the healthcare providers you need.

    In all seriousness, I would try to speak directly to the urologist instead of the office staff. See if there's another urologist (male) or even a resident or med student that would be willing to assist. Unfortunately, in this society, men seem to be expected to buck up no matter what.

    That being said, if it comes down to having female staff assist or you not getting the procedure done, ask for ativan and insist on someone you trust (significant other or close friend) remaining with you. That goes for you having to wait x amount of months to get it done with the providers you want/need. You can't delay something this serious. It could be the difference between Stage I of a disease and Stage III or IV (much harder to treat). Also remember when it comes down to it, it's an hour of you life and then it's over compared to the hours it would be if you need somehting more drastic done. Prostate cancer is not something to mess with.

    (((((((HUGS!!!:icon_hug: )))))))))

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