Male coworkers harrassing female staff... - page 3

Hi ya'll! I have a problem... My male coworkers are like a pack of wolves. One member of the pack was recently fired due to his terrible attitude. OK. So that's one down and two to go! I have... Read More

  1. by   albymangel
    you should not have to put up with this kind of stupid behaviour. You need to warn him that this touching and sexaul comments must stop and stop now. In Australia this guy would be in big **** for this and is the employer does not take action then they can be held responsible. If your NUM has doen nothing and not dealt with this then you need to go higher.
    regards and good luck from Albert a male student Nurse

    Quote from Sgt_Chunk_Spelunker
    Hi ya'll! I have a problem...

    My male coworkers are like a pack of wolves. One member of the pack was recently fired due to his terrible attitude. OK. So that's one down and two to go! I have another one who won't keep his hands to himself. One day he was stroking my hand, putting his hands around my waist, etc... I told him to stop and keep his distance. He is not easily redirectable. This has been a recurring problem ever since he began working there.

    Then there's a third one. I can deal with him for the most part because he is all words and no touching.

    Back to the coworker whom I'll refer to as "hands". I've spoken to my nurse manager and staff has talked to him regarding this behavior. He was calm for a while after that but still insists on talking to me like trash. Tomorrow I want to give him a letter from my husband and myself outlining the behavior I expect from him in the future. My husband is extremely angry and so am I. This is my last time telling him to stop before it gets ugly.

    What should this letter say?

    This guy is such a creep. He tells me that he can see through my pants and that I have a nice a**. Inapprpriate to the highest degree...and unacceptable to say the least! I feel sick thinking about this. Before I break his face and/or his fingers I need to do something...
  2. by   Ruby Vee
    [QUOTE=Sgt_Chunk_Spelunker]Hi ya'll! I have a problem...


    Back to the coworker whom I'll refer to as "hands". I've spoken to my nurse manager and staff has talked to him regarding this behavior. He was calm for a while after that but still insists on talking to me like trash. Tomorrow I want to give him a letter from my husband and myself outlining the behavior I expect from him in the future. My husband is extremely angry and so am I. This is my last time telling him to stop before it gets ugly.



    You're a professional, aren't you? Why does your husband need to be involved with this at all? Go talk to someone in human resources and handle this like a professional!
  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Quote from kmsrn
    the biggest problem in my mind is not the sexual harrassment (although that is an issue). i think this guy is potentially dangerous. if your manager or hr won't follow up, i agree with calling the police - he can't put his hands on you! also consider a lawyer - it will cost you some money but your personal safety and career are worth it.
    thank you....please think of what this may mean to other people when thinking of what you will do next. this won't stop with you. how badly would you feel if a coworker is harassed or worse, assaulted----and you walked away?
  4. by   Mister Chris
    I can understand the problem (sexual harrassment on females by males) up to a point......I commenced nursing over 30 years ago in UK South London and found that I was branded Queer, Gay etc and also Wimp - why don't you get a real mans job! This abuse came from both women and males (Not Nurses). Within the Nursing world I only experienced a few occasions when I suffered sexual harrassment - from the opposite sex - Women! I am still nursing and enjoying the company of working with females and males. Sometimes you will run across the idiot who harrasses sexually, thankfully they will only be in the minority.
  5. by   colleen10
    Hi there,

    I just wanted to add that I have had some experience working in HR for a large tech. company.

    I wanted to say first, do not send that letter. It can easily be used against you later on or may even make this guy go over the edge. Also, your husband has nothing to do with this, best not to get him involved. It could appear that your husband is threatening this guy and cause more problems for your husband, not just you.

    Document, document, document, everything he has said and done and what you said and/or did to him so that he would know that his actions were inappropriate. Also, document your conversations with your nurse manager and what, if anything, was done. Read over your companies sexual harassment policy and give a call to your corporate HR department. Just even mentioning the word sexual harassment should make them jump into immediate action. Make sure at the end of the conversation that they tell you what course of action they will take, ie. interviewing this guy to get his side of the story, etc. You may also want to follow up with a brief letter outlining your conversation with HR, ie. that you contacted a particular person on a specific date/time and that you explained the situation to them and that you hope they will contact you by a specific date of what their plan of action will be.

    Please don't let this guy get away with this. If you just walk away it means he'll just pull the same thing on the next unsuspecting RN that walks through the door. Since they have allready fired one employee for poor behavior they do the same to thig guy.
  6. by   missmercy
    Great advice on this thread!! Avoid the letter thing!!! Hubby can be your support -- AT HOME!! If you let him come into work -- there goes your crediblity as a professional adult! DO document evry situation and conversation both with the Jerk and your manager!!! Sexual harrassment is not a joke!! They HAVE to do something about this guy!! Sounds like he's been getting away with it for a while -- TIME TO STOP IT!!!!! Like someone else said: don't let it happen to someone else!! Follow protocol, go up the correct chain of command! Make sure that you are doing things by the book and then throw it at him!!!!
  7. by   BRANDY LPN
    Instead of writing a letter to this jerk write a letter to the corporate office, request a meeting. Talk to an attorney, you can find one who won't charge you for an initial consultation. Make sure you include in the letter that you have spoken withan attorney and include the words "hostile work environment" and "sexual harrassment" this is not a time to be wishy-washy. Dont say thing such as "I feel...." stated that you ARE being harrassed, and that this IS creating a hostile work environment, ect. Also this bozo, under our laws, must be informed that you consider this to be harrassment, so set up a meeting with your manager and inform him with your manager as a witness, also include the talking one, there is no reason you should be verbally abused either. Like several other people stated keep a journal, this should be a bound journal so that the courts can tell if any pages have been removed, do not remove any pages, as this will cause them to wonder what was on the removed pages. You need to stand up and fight for yourself, when you include your husband it will further perpetuate you as the weaker sex in this jerks eyes.
  8. by   Agnus
    I fully agree with the advice of Colleen10.

    DO NOT SEND THE LETTER. You say some things in it that I would quickly use against you. For example you state in writing that you consider this resolved. IT IS NOT RESOLVED. I understand you qualified that statement but it will be taken out of context you can count on that.

    DO not send any kind of letter. Keep your husband completley out of this.

    If you do not get satisfaction form Management and HR get a lawyer. Better yet. Get a lawyer as you work through this with them. You can hire one on a contingency basis so that you have not out of pocket expense if $$ is an issue for you.

    A lawyer will assist you to resolve this.

    As has been already advised DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Keep details such as dates times, places, circumstances, who else was present. Keep documentation of all conversations with management and HR.

    Don't threaten as I have seen too often when a lawsuit or legal action was threatened or that they understood you kept good records and were ready to use them the victim ends up loosing her job. It is not supposed to happen that way but when they discover you are smart enough to keep good documentation and might cause some legal trouble you become a threat.

    It is TRUE that they cannot fire you for this. So this is what happens. They allow time to pass. Then down the road they 1. create a situation where you quit. 2. Find or fabricate a reason to let you go.

    If you are an at will employee (i.e. no contract) they can fire you at any time without cause. But as I said they will usually give some time so to remove your ability to proove the real reason. and that the reason they give is false.
    If they do it too soon suspicion automatically falls on them. If they waite the burden of proof is on you.
    Last edit by Agnus on Apr 19, '04
  9. by   PMHNP10
    Quote from Sgt_Chunk_Spelunker
    I've complained to my manager about this already...and nothing was done. Most likely scenario: I'll move on to another job. I wish we had a HR dept. Our facility is this company's bastard child. Corporate only visits us right before state surveys...or if the building burns to the ground. I'm going up the chain of command. I'm considering other job opportunities...
    Wanna bet the nurse manager (or hospital rather) would listen to a lawyer. I certainly hope this guy never gets your letter, and it was just a way for you to vent your feelings.
  10. by   Good_Queen_Bess
    I agree with most people; DON'T send the letter. This creep doesn't deserve to be let off so lightly, he'll just move onto his next victim. I understand why you want your husbands help, but getting him involved could be interpretted as a threat.
    Document EVERYTHING he does or says. This is sexual harrassment, even if he is "only" saying nasty things to you. Persist in your fight for justice the proper way. This bastard wants dealing with.
    I wish you luck.
  11. by   mattsmom81
    Sometimes these sexually innappropriate guys are just jerks, but then again some ARE scary. I recall a really bizarro case where a male nurse first claimed HE was being sexually harassed by the females(he twisted facts). In retrospect this man had psych problems; probably borderline or something. He tried to involve me with his problems by claiming I was a witness to a sexual harassment by a female coworker...but that is NOT what occurred. He then threatened me subtly...knew where I lived, where I parked my car, etc. A bunch of us finally went to the risk manager and eventually the hospital got rid of him, but we worried for a long time what he might do. We called the cops but they just laughed at us...trouble is they can't respond to threats. (which of course is why women get killed by their abusive partners so frequently.)

    I heard a few years back the BNE had taken his license and he was driving truck OTR.

    So I understand why the OP wants to 'mention' (altho probably better to let this slip out in a casual conversation vs a letter) she has an upset husband..cuz a little fear on the part of the perp is a good thing. Protective hubby type guys tend to know how to settle up in back alleys.

    There's some people out there who respond best to this type of justice. And I work with a few guy nurses who admit they have had to deal with abusive uncooperative docs and coworkers in this way...subtle physical threats. "What's your problem? We can take this outside right now...".

    Sometimes the guys know best how to settle stuff quickly...and can put a bully or harasser in his place. Schoolyard justice? Maybe but like I said some understand this best.
  12. by   movealong
    I agree with the majority, don't send the letter.

    Keep a detailed list of the date, time and specifics of each incident and report to HR. Keep a copy for your own records and note when and to who it was sent and what response you received. Start a file. Does he do these things when others are around to witness them? Note to yourself who saw, who observed this guy's conduct.

    If there is no response, go up the next step on ladder as far as the person you contact.

    There is a professional way for these things to be handled, and you must conduct yourself as a professional and try to keep the emotional side out of it, as far as how you choose to respond. Most companies do not want these type of situations to exist.

    They should have written policies on record for how they handle complaints. You need to find them. Are they mentioned in your employee handbook? What training do hires receive on this issue? Request to see the training video again, it might give info on who to contact.
    If there is no training video, was there a written policy that emplyees had to sign off on? Dig yours up, again, it may mention who to contact for complaints.
    Ask to view the P&P ( policy and procedure) manual for your workplace. It should be in there.
  13. by   missmercy
    [QUOTE=mattsmom81]Sometimes these sexually innappropriate guys are just jerks, but then again some ARE scary. I recall a really bizarro case where a male nurse first claimed HE was being sexually harassed by the females(he twisted facts). In retrospect this man had psych problems; probably borderline or something. He tried to involve me with his problems by claiming I was a witness to a sexual harassment by a female coworker...but that is NOT what occurred. He then threatened me subtly...knew where I lived, where I parked my car, etc. A bunch of us finally went to the risk manager and eventually the hospital got rid of him, but we worried for a long time what he might do. We called the cops but they just laughed at us...trouble is they can't respond to threats. (which of course is why women get killed by their abusive partners so frequently.)


    It is SO important to be sure that you are SAFE! mattsmom is right -- he may be just a jerk -- but then again.... maybe not. I learned the hard way that you can't ASSUME someone isn't going to hurt you or that they won't take things too far. Also, the police are not going to be able to do much until there is action on his part -- in our case, complaints were lodged and "lost" -- it was a very frightening time. Now, I know that I can protect myself from goons like that, but sure felt helpless at the time!! REMEMBER: Protect yourself BEFORE he does something even more unacceptable. Iwas too ashamed to tell anyone about my stalker for a long time and that just enabled him to get away with it longer. The jerk's behavior and innappropriateness are not a rflection on you!! Don't stay a victim -- tell your boss, tell the corporation, tell an attorney -- if you have established the pattern, then IF he escalates, you are already started in the process!

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