LPN with Battery Charge on Criminal Record-Help - page 4

I need some advice, but first let me give you some background information......... I've been married for almost 14 years, in the process of getting a divorce. My daughter (15) has -never- gotten... Read More

  1. by   LPN_mn
    14yearLPN, I have to say that I know exactly what you are going through with your daughter. My son who is 18 years old has been out of control for a year or so. He was a time bomb waiting to explode. It was all due to drugs and alcohol and yes I have lost my temper with him and smacked him. He is now in a very good in house rehabilitation program where he is getting help with his substance abuse, anger management, and being able to finish high school. He has been there for 4 months and we can already see a difference. We get to see him every weekend and spend time with him. He earns holiday leave where he can come home for certain holidays. He will be coming home for the 4th of July holiday and it will be his first home visit since he entered into the program. I would strongly advise something like this for your daughter. She is out of control and it is not going to get any better if left alone. I am not sure that I can post the program name of where my son is but if you would like more information feel free to message me and I will give you the name of the program. They have a very high success rate. I am sorry that I don't have any advice about your license situation. Keep your chin up and drop me a line.
  2. by   LPN_mn
    By the way we have 3 other children. I have to say that the house has been very quiet for the past 4 months. He is getting the help he needs and the other children who are home are getting the counseling and the help they need. Our 16 year old was contemlating suicide because he felt he could not take the abuse from his brother anymore. We found this out after he was in the program and the other kids started counseling. So it is not just the users problem, it effects the entire family and has to be dealt with as a family.
  3. by   RN auditor
    James, I agree with you. And as a manager, I could not hire someone who made such an impulsive move as to slap their teen child twice in the face. I have a teen child who has been "trying" to say the least and I guess my question is "was that the right way to handle the situation"? and as a manager I would have to question how a "trying" situation would be handled with very difficult patients.

    That said, best of luck with the daughter and I hope this all works out for you.
  4. by   FutureNurse2005
    I have not read all the posts, but i am a very firm believer that there is NEVER a reason to hit/slap/hurt a child...even a teenager!

    No matter what they have done, as the adult, you need to control your emotions/temper and deal with it in another way. By physically hurting them or even emotionally hurting them, you are only making the situation worse.

    I was abused as a child, and absolutely refuse to hurt my kids the way i was hurt. Heck, I dont even yell at my kids!

    If you need ideas on how to handle those situations better, find a local parenting class. They also have them for parents of teens.

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them.

    Best of luck to you
  5. by   a_chaz
    I will not pass judgement for I have walked in your shoes! The facts of the case are that you were charged w/a battery on a minor. The definition for battery is: Intentional or wrongful physical contact w/a person w/out his or her consent that entails some injury or offensive touching. There is also criminal battery: the unlawful application of force to the person of another that is devided into (3) basic elements:(a) the defendants conduct (act or omission), (b) the mental state of the accuser, (c) the harmful result to the victim. There is also aggravated battery (felony)-Unlawful act of violent injury to the victim, accompanied by by circumstances of aggravation, such as the use of a deadly weapon, great disparity between the ages, (example: the perp was 20 yrs old & the victim was 60yrs old) and physical conditions of the parties. Simple battery (misdemeanor): One not accompanied by aggrevation or resulting in grievous bodily harm. O.K. now that I have given U the definitions of battery I have left one out & that is Battered child: A child who suffers serious physical or emotional injury fresuting from abuse inflicted, or from neglect. Due to the fact that your child was a minor & you, the parent was her natural guardian, they may have placed this label on you in the charge. I don't know. If it it is a simple battery w/o aggrevating factors I am sure it doesn't take away from your state's Nurse Practice Act in that if a person is charged w/a battery there are sanctions imposed & requirements that must be met by the offender (nurse). Most HC facilities, esp. those dealing w/the elderly & children do background checks-they must in order to protect their patients. Unless I know the complete facts of the case I don't know w/what type of battery U were charged w/& what restrictions were placed upon U.
    Next I will address a Waiver: There are many type of waivers, the one's that may apply to your case would be a basic waiver or an implied waiver. Bottom Line it refers to an intentional & voluntary relinquishment of a known legal right.
    I know post is long, but I wanted to throw some definitions your way so that U could get a better understanding. I feel for U & truly think that counceling would be advantageous- just my thought. I am by no means a lawyer, but I am an LNC w/experience in the law. I can not give out "law" advice but can be of assistance in other ways. A lawyer would be beneficial in your situation. Take kare. Charly
  6. by   Tweety
    Originally posted by FutureNurse2005
    I have not read all the posts, but i am a very firm believer that there is NEVER a reason to hit/slap/hurt a child...even a teenager!

    No matter what they have done, as the adult, you need to control your emotions/temper and deal with it in another way. By physically hurting them or even emotionally hurting them, you are only making the situation worse.

    I was abused as a child, and absolutely refuse to hurt my kids the way i was hurt. Heck, I dont even yell at my kids!

    If you need ideas on how to handle those situations better, find a local parenting class. They also have them for parents of teens.

    I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them.

    Best of luck to you

    To say that all teenagers go through this phase I hope is not true. Rebelliousness yes. Smart mouth and talk back yes. Pushing the limits and disobeying, yes.

    But an out-of-control drinking and drugging teenager. is not normal. The best of parents can find themselves in this situation.

    My sister and I were goodie two shoes. I was a straight-A student, worked at McD's and stayed out of trouble. My sister was a star in sports.

    My brother was a drinking and drugging out of control smart ass that caused extreme emtional distress on my parents. Especially my poor mother. My mother got so angry she practically destroyed his bedroom one day. I know if he got near her, she would have physically harmed him. To hit him of course would have been a crime. I don't condone any kind of physical or violent reaction. But quite frankly I felt like harming him myself. Perhaps you don't realize how these kids cause such extreme emotional distress. How they provoke it.

    Please say it isn't true that all teenagers go through this.

    post script: parents and child got counseling, mom got sedated, child eventually got arrested and put in treatment, now is in his 40s, has gotten 4 dui's but seems o.k. at the present.
  7. by   babies
    14Year, Speaking to a lawyer knowledgable in nursing issues would be a good start. The suggestion for therapy is good but can cost lots of money. The best thing that happened to me was Al-Anon. I too have resorted to physical contact. It was not the solution and only made things worse, as you have experienced. when I finally went to Al-Anon I learned how to work out my problems and my relationships improved. I am not saying that everything is wonderful but I am better. Addiction is a disease that affects the whole family. Al-Anon is free, you can talk to others that have fought this disease and learn there is hope. I wish you well in this endeavor. I will be glad to share with you off site if you wish. Howell7@prodigy.net. My prayers are with you . Babies.
  8. by   FutureNurse2005
    No matter what a child or teenager does, they do not deserve to be hit or hurt in any form. I'm terribly sad that so many people use the excuse of "they provoked it" or "they just pushed my buttons". Whatever happens, you need to be the adult and seek the help that is most likely needed. If your kid is pushing your buttons...walk away! Dont give in to them!
    True, not EVERY teenager behaves this way, but the majority do go through a rebellious phase. Obviously some situations are more serious than others, but they should be dealt with in a helpful manner, not a hurtful manner. Most of these kids are doing this for attention (they are reaching out for help), and hurting them is only going to push them further away. Sure, its a sucky way of reaching out, but the effort is being made.

    I apologize if my opinion is offensive to anyone, that is not my intention. I just truly believe that there is always another option other than hitting/abuse/whatever.

    As I said earlier, I grew up in an abusive home. I luckily got help and have a future ahead of me. My sister on the other hand....

    she is headed for the grave.

    Parents/adults need to reach out and use the resources that are now available to us. Dont inflict further pain to a child/teenager who is already hurting.

    Hugs to everyone
    Last edit by FutureNurse2005 on Jun 17, '03
  9. by   KaroSnowQueen
    .
    Last edit by KaroSnowQueen on Jun 17, '03
  10. by   nursedawn67
    Ok here is my 2 cents....why is it an adult (meaning someone over 18) can get in your face and cuss you out, and be under the influence and verbally assualt you and if you haul off and slap them then people say "You are just defending yourself." Now if your pretty much fully grown teen does the same thing and you hit the breaking point and slap them one time...not repeatedly...day after day....but a one time incident people start screaming abuse? Was 14yr right for slapping her kid...no but was 14 yr abusing her...heck no! If she has tried everything she can to stop this kid, and this kid continues to push and push and push...day after day after day...yep I think I would finally break and slap my kid too. That's the problem now days, kids know that they can do whatever they want, because the law is on their side. Now don't start flaming me and get me all wrong I don't agree with beating a kid and abusing them. But come on what is going to stop this kid? Time in jail..yeah right...tv...freinds and 3 square meals....other kids egging things on and encouraging even worse behavior. I think 14 yr should get some counseling to see if there is a reason her daughter is acting out, and find out about that waiver.

    Please no flaming for my opinion...thanks....and good luck 14 yr
  11. by   FutureNurse2005
    hey, i'm not saying she is abusing her kid! All I am saying is instead of hitting, why not find a positive approach? I'm sorry that this situation has happened, but it could have been avoided.

    Please enlighten me on how hitting a child/teenager is helping the situation??

    And yes, I have lived with a teenager screaming in my face and hitting me and throwing knives and chairs at me. It wasnt my kid, but that makes no difference. I've lived with it and dealt with it in a positive way.

    Life aint always a bed of roses, but why the need for a negative approach?

    And thats my 3 posts. I'm out of this one now.
  12. by   nursedawn67
    No this is not a flame...just another opinion.

    I am not saying beat the kid, but what is a positive approach? "Hi honey I love you...please stop verbally abusing me" as the kid continues to berate you. What should you do walk away? The the kid/teen/young adult, thinks "cool I got away with it". That's what I mean, I got spanked..and in no way am I a bad person or abusive. But I knew what I could do and what I couldn't and I knew right from wrong. I really wish people would stop saying "there are other ways"...been there done that. I went through a phase of not wanting to spank my kids when they were littler (i'm not talking beat the cr** out of them, but just a tap on the rear), one of my daughters did something wrong and I told her "your having a time out" she would look at me and say "good I'm tired anyways". I'm not saying too that ALWAYS should your FIRST response be to spank/slap whatever...but to keep your kids out of trouble ...you may have to take drastic measures. Please don't flame me...I swear this is only my opinion...and no matter how we try none of us are going to agree. That is what makes us human...our diversity...our opinions. Have a great evening ya'll!
  13. by   Tweety
    Originally posted by FutureNurse2005
    hey, i'm not saying she is abusing her kid! All I am saying is instead of hitting, why not find a positive approach? I'm sorry that this situation has happened, but it could have been avoided.

    Please enlighten me on how hitting a child/teenager is helping the situation??

    And yes, I have lived with a teenager screaming in my face and hitting me and throwing knives and chairs at me. It wasnt my kid, but that makes no difference. I've lived with it and dealt with it in a positive way.

    Life aint always a bed of roses, but why the need for a negative approach?

    And thats my 3 posts. I'm out of this one now.
    Hey why get out of a conversation that is going well. No flaming and a good discussion, it may end with an agreement to disagree, but at least we can discuss all sides. Huh?

    I didn't mean to imply that hitting the child helped the situation. Just that I could understand.

    I only took exception to your statement "I'm sorry that you have to deal with this behaviour, but its a part of parenting. All teenagers go through this stage! Just do your best to be there for them and not hurt them. "

    I'll say once again, hitting it wrong. There are many positive approaches that could be used.

    You're coming from a standpoint of being in an abusive home.

    I'm coming from the standpoint of being in a family with an abusive (not physically, but emotionally and verbally, totally out of control) teenager. He was a good kid, just got hooked on drugs. My parents went through a lot of guilt and shame over this, blaming themselves for his behavior and drug addiction. Many other parents who don't understand blame them as well.

    Before my mom's breakdown, (major depression, guilt, shame, suicide attempt, and the trashing of his room, ever see a 35 year old mom in anger lift an entire bed and throw it across the room?) they went through YEARS of hell. This included interference from law enforcement, school counselers, phychologists, etc. They tried all the "positive" approaches. The only thing that worked was him turning 18 and kicking him out of the house. Neither of my parents laid a hand on him, so from my standpoint I would have whupped his butt. (Not really, but felt like it).

    It wasn't just a rebellious teenager pushing buttons one time. And I don't think the original poster's child was either. We all have our breaking points. Yours is different.

    I'm so empathetic to the original poster. Again, I don't condone the slap, and the consequences of that must be dealt with. But I understand reaching a breaking point. It doesn't happen the first time, it doesn't happen over night, but it festers and accumulates over many months or years.

    O.K. I've said my peace. Am always willing to discuss and listen. Please don't take this as a flame. One thing we can both relate on, we both come from dysfunctional families and it affects us still today.
    :kiss
    Last edit by Tweety on Jun 17, '03

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