LITERALLY EATING THE "HELL" OUT OF YOUR YOUNGS

fergus51 · Feb 28, 2001

One of my old nursing instructors told me it is because nurses are an opressed group and an oppressed group always starts infighting because they see eachother as competition... I just thought they were b**s....Just ignore them and try to find the nurses who are a great support(they are out there).

petulip in Alabama · Feb 28, 2001

yes, it does indeed sound like the intiation process has begun for you...I have been a nurse 10 years...and with each new area I went into, I found the very same thing. The new one gets the worst pts.,the worst schedule, and seems to be the hot topic. What I have come to realize is indeed, you are being analyzed and tested by your peers...to see if you "can handle it" ..to see your weakness..and your strengths. Hang in there...in 6 months you will know who can be trusted, who the troublemakers are, who thinks they are "the Queen" , and most importantly..who really cares about being a nurse. After all is said and done, we all came from the same desire..to help others. Next time you feel tested by someone..try to think of it that way. Good Luck!!

JulieW · Feb 28, 2001

I feel for you. I, along with a few hundred others on this board , have gone through the same type of thing. I agree with fergus on the oppressed group theory.

My orientation as a new grad was awful. I was nothing more than fresh meat for these awful vulture nurses to attack!! I, too, am quiet and keep to myself. Our personality type is probably the kind nurse-eaters look for.

My advice- find somewhere that you can enjoy your new career and blossom into a great nurse. There are so many fantastic, wonderfully supportive nurses out there that will make you feel at home. Keep looking until you find it. You deserve it.

Doc · Mar 1, 2001

We have all been there, whether as a student, a new grad, a person entering a new field of nursing or someone who is going back to the profession after a long break, as you are. I strongly recommend you check these two websites out. They deal with the concept of "horizontal violence" in nursing, which explains why this sort of thing is so pervasive in nursing. It was also very therapeutic, as it validated my feelings and made me realise that so many people are going through the same thing. Her are the two websites:

http://www.nurseadvocate.org/hv.html

http://www.uniontalk4nurses.org/horizontal_violence.html

And here's another one on what you can do about it: http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/nurses.htm

Take heart and try your hardest not to let it get to you. Find people who have been through this that you can "unload" to, and do something relaxing after every shift, be it taking a bath with aromatherapy oils, cross-stitching, tai-chi, yoga, fishing, meditation...whatever suits your style.

[This message has been edited by bshort (edited March 14, 2001).]

sharann, BSN, RN · Mar 1, 2001

Good question. I myself have this very question. I left a job as a nwe grad because the "nurses" (read neurotic and paranoid young-eaters) drove me insane.They were not just "testing" me, they were almost saboutauging my work! It was really sad. My preceptors were nasty and burned out. They really made my life a living hell. Then they'd compain that there was a staffing shortage on the floor! Hmmm, I WONDER WHY!!! So,I am 5 weeks into my new job (different hospital) and though there are so undertones here and there (those types are everywhere), I must truly say these nurses are MUCH more positive and nurturing to the new nurses as well as to one another. Yes, some gossip, but most gossip is about RN's who give poor pt care. I love nursing, even with all the crap we have to go through. Even though the pay could be much better and the staffing sucks dearly..... I still love it. Ignore the backstabbers and whining paranoid types. Enjoy the positive aspects of patient care. Remember, no one is forcing those who hate it to stay......

Shar

Lynn Casey RN · Mar 2, 2001

Hi angelnurse!Great and unfortunately true posting about our poisoned work environments.I am an outgoing RN and love my patients.I may as well take neon paint and put a target on myself.Patients ask about me when they are readmitted and you know where that puts me?....Top of the dart board!In the same gossipy situations I like to smile and say....if they are not talking to you you are not important!Don't let it get you down...let it pick you up and focus on who's day you are going to make today!

Mijourney · Mar 3, 2001

Hi angelnurse. We nurses can be brutal towards one another in the workplace. I agree with previous posters on some of the reasons for this. I also agree that you should take things in stride and try very hard not to take anything personal. Don't make the problem of someone else's gossip your problem.

I have learned the hard way that it's best to simply come to work in a civil, pleasant manner and keep relationships superficial until you really learn the staff and know who you can trust. Another poster pointed this out. Even when you find allies, you will want to keep things at a certain level, because nurses are also bad about completely turning on one another from time to time.

Welcome back to nursing practice and best wishes for finding peace in your employment.

cargal · Mar 3, 2001

Originally posted by Doc:
We have all been there, whether as a student, a new grad, a person entering a new field of nursing or someone who is going back to the profession after a long break, as you are. I strongly recommend you check these two websites out. They deal with the concept of "horizontal violence" in nursing, which explains why this sort of thing is so pervasive in nursing. It was also very therapeutic, as it validated my feelings and made me realise that so many people are going through the same thing. Her are the two websites:
http://www.nurseadvocate.org/hv.html
http://www.uniontalk4nurses.org/horizontal_violence.html

And here's another one on what you can do about it: http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/nurses.htm

Take heart and try your hardest not to let it get to you. Find people who have been through this that you can "unload" to, and do something relaxing after every shift, be it taking a bath with aromatherapy oils, cross-stitching, tai-chi, yoga, fishing, meditation...whatever suits your style.

It has a name- BULLYING!!! "What is bullying? Bullying is persistent unwelcome,behavior, mostly using unwarranted or invalid criticism, nit-picking, fault-finding, also excludion, isolation, being singled out and treated differently, being shouted at, humiliated, excessive monitoring, having verbal and written warnings imposed, and much more. In the workplace, bullying usually focuses on distorted or fabricated allegations of underperformance. Source-- "Online Bullying:What is it?"

This is very helpful, Doc! Thank You so much for bringing it to our attention. Like people who suffer from conditions that are consistently misdiagnosed or not diagnosed, the suffering is eased when the disease is named. It is then treatable.

Unfortunately, this disease is an epidemic in nursing, and needs to be addressed immediately. The nursing profession is suffering and losing nurses because of the reprehensible behavior toward new, inexperienced, or "different" nurses (usually those with integrity and whose performance may divert attention away from the bully's inadequate performance or feelings of guilt d/t subperformance)

These websites are extremely valuable. I have printed off nearly 40 pages of information to share with some colleagues who are now the targets in the facility where I am working. It is soo dysfunctional. All nurses who read this should check out these profiles on the horizontal abuser and see if YOU or a manager fit the profile, or are one of the abused. As a former housewife and waitress and getting my degree in my early forties, this type of behavior nearly destroyed my career, my marriage and my family because I was so despondent. Thanks Doc , I am now armed and dangerous ( or at least confident)! I am now planning on my meeting with my boss, who is a "pair bully."

"I believe bullying is the single most important social issue of today." www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/bully.htm

angelnurse · Mar 4, 2001

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you guys sooooooooo much for your supportive and kinds words. You all just don't know how out of place I feel. I am strongly considering terminating my employment at this facility. It is a sad situation. Will keep you all posted.

Again, thanks

challis · Mar 4, 2001

As a recent victim of bullying, I thought I was so alone. I have had a look at the web sites that Doc has mentioned and have bookmarked them for future reference.

Thank you all.........I feel so much better now..

cargal · Mar 23, 2001

This is for you RAY. See Doc's great post with links. They are invaluable.