keeping a straight face

  1. The other night as I worked triage (which I hate) in our ER, a patient came up and signed in "sexual matter emergency." I had a sick baby in triage at the time so I elected to let him wait for a couple of minutes. When it was his turn, I thought, this better be an emergency (we were slammed with mva's and an ami. This gentleman proceded to explain how he had a large lug nut stuck on his penis:roll :roll secondary to sexual experimentation suggested by his girlfriend. He proceeded to explain how it had been on for 12 hours. He had attempted to remove it with a metal grinder My problem, I literally had to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep from falling in the floor laughing (which I and the whole er staff did later do). Anyone got any ideas how to be professional in the face of such agonizing emergent trauma?

    p.s. we sent him to a university hospital for surgical removal (of the lug nut:wink2: ) and no, I couldn't keep a straight face calling report either.
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  2. 18 Comments

  3. by   l.rae
    hey kiddo, l work for the Jerry Springer Show too,..l have had to excuse myself before just to get a grip...hope he didn't have a "flat" on his way to University.....hey are you close to Cinci?...LR
  4. by   renerian
    Would have been tough for anyone. I usually bite the inside of my cheek.....

    renerian
  5. by   BBFRN
    Originally posted by defib queen


    p.s. we sent him to a university hospital for surgical removal (of the lug nut:wink2: ) and no, I couldn't keep a straight face calling report either.
    OMG- I work at University of Louisville Hospital, but I've been off for a few days....Did you send him to us?:kiss
  6. by   jnette
    Dang !

    Believe it or not, there was a guy here who did the SAME thing (on a drunken bet) a few years back ! Tried everything to get it off.. was too embarrassed to go to the doc.. waited a couple DAYS.. by the time he finally decided to go to the ER (in so much pain...) it was B-L-A-C-K !!! Couldn't get it off, saws, you name it.. nothing. They ended up taking his precious tool off... Pshew!!!
  7. by   Agnus
    :roll :roll Good thing I don't work in ER.
  8. by   BadBird
    ROFLMAO, too bad Sears was closed I am sure they would have the correct tool to remove it. That idiot, I don't think I would even try to keep a straight face. hahahahahahaa
  9. by   JonRN
    I agree with badbird, keeping a straight face was never one of my strong suits. I usually said "you did what"? Bwaaahaahaahaa, hey guys look what this idiot done. Like the fool that stuck his penis in a vacuum cleaner, the first words outta his mouth were "I'm a Jehovah's Witness and I won't take blood under any circumstances." I resisted the urge to ask him, "if you are a Jehovah's Witness, what are you doing sticking your d*** in a vacuum cleaner?" Still cracks me up.
  10. by   nursedawn67
    Where's Tim 'The Tool Man' Taylor when you need him!!! LOL
  11. by   nursedawn67
    Excuse the pun...but these guys must have been f-ing nuts!!!! LOL
  12. by   shannonRN
    Originally posted by greer128
    Excuse the pun...but these guys must have been f-ing nuts!!!! LOL
  13. by   mattsmom81
    Sometimes the only thing that prevents me from showing my mirth (or horror) regarding the situations folks get themselves into is to remind myself of how embarassed they must feel.

    And if they're NOT embarassed by their goofy antics, I pity the fools and say a silent prayer they don't reproduce.

    I remember as a young nurse the gerbil er-- carriers, the lightbulb/electrical experimenters with painful burns and 'stuck' apparatus'es...I got a real sex education in the ER of the 80's..LOL.
  14. by   indynurse
    I work with a former EMT who told us about a woman brought in to the ED with a German Shephard "attatched" to her and she couldn't get herself unattatched.

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