Just a Little Ray of Hope for Nurses
For all Filipino Nurses! and For all Nurses around the World! "The Flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and Beautiful of all"- MulanLet me first say thank you for not ignoring this article and for letting this little art piece of mine reach your mind.
Today, I spent 3o minutes of my time trying to join the contest "Write a Nursing Article and Win a Cash". I have put so much effort clicking the join the contest button but regardless of the efforts I made, I failed. Nevertheless, the contest didn't stop me from letting this article be read by so many nurses around the world. I feel that I have the responsibility to let them know the story of my nursing career.
My name is Marie, I graduated BS in nursing in one of the most reputable school in the Philippines. I came from a middle class family and we are a family of lawyers. My father, two sisters, uncles, and cousins, all of them are lawyers. Yes, I grew up from a home where everything is all about law and order. And even if I grow up from a family with lots of discussions and debates to talk about, I grew up valuing peace and quiet above everything else.
So probably you're wondering why I chose nursing?
The answer isn't too hard.. I had no choice..
My dad persuaded me to become a nurse and work abroad. He even tricked me of the idea that I can go to law after finishing nursing.
I hate nursing...
I really do...
After I graduated from nursing and passed my board exam, I got pretty lucky if you can call it that way and was offered a job to one of the most prestigious hospitable in our country. I was one of the firsts to get a real job in our batch. Friends would often call me lucky, I wasn't sure about that.
And to make things worst, I was assigned to one of the most irritating ward in the hospital, the oncology ward.
In an oncology ward, I get to see a lot of dying and in pain patients. To think that the only satisfying feeling that I can get from nursing is when my patients are happily discharge and well. With cancer patients, most of them they go back for another chemotherapeutic treatment and when they go back they are weaker, helpless, hopeless and unhappy.The worst feeling is when you assist a patient in signing a document that tells if everything comes to worst: DNR, do not resuscitate me.. Just let me go... or something like that. At the end of the shift, you're physically, emotionally and spiritually tired.The next duty is another story to tell.
After years of battling emotions, I resigned from my job. I took the NCLEX exam and IELTS and had it visa screen. While waiting for my petition, I decided to take relevant health courses online in preparation for my job abroad. I was managing a family business at the same time. After a year of waiting I got denied.
Yes I got denied. 4 days ago I got denied. I spent 1 day of my life crying, I wanted to stop crying as it is already crushing my heart literally and figuratively. I even heard my pop saying: all wasted time and efforts.. Nursing is a complete failure. No comforting words could ever comfort me.
I was torned at the fact that I might start all over again.. Where do I go from here? Looking for a nursing job here in my country is as good as nothing.
Nothing.. I'am mad because my parents let me rule my life.. and my life now.. all empty..
I'am not alone and there are so many passionate nurses out their whose only wish was to be given a chance to practice their profession, something that I had been given for. For so many years I have been refusing the idea that nursing has given me a sense of fullfillment. The emotions that has gotten on me the past few days has been a wake up call for me, probably I'am upset because I love my nursing career and there is nothing that I want to do but nurse a patient.
Sometimes blessings comes in a very surprising way. The emotional torment I have felt the past few days have given me enough time to assess what really is important to me. I realized I haven't been observing myself all this time. I feel my patients more than anything else in the world. I feel their pain and anguish.. and yet I've tried avoiding that kind of feeling because I feel sadness for them.
I have lost all hopes that I could think of yet i know.. and you know.. there is really no such thing as giving up hope... This rough course I'm now going through made me realized that I've got two passions.
I will never give up my career as a nurse..
and I will never give up the hope of becoming a lawyer someday..
I'm heartbroken and yet I know something new was born inside of me..
I gained a lot of lessons, wisdom and strenght from all of this things...
Probably not the best happy ending you've read, that wasn't my goal anyway.. Just a little ray of hope...
Cheers to all passionate nurses!
"The Flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and Beautiful of all" - Mulan
If you're hurt, find a nurse! I'm sure she knows what to do!Last edit by cdc_56 on Mar 3, '11 : Reason: Blog link removed as per Terms of service
2Mar 3, '11 by Kooky KorkyKeep steppin', girl. one foot in front of the other. you can do it. I believe in you. Keep a-goin'. keep on keepin' on. you'll get there.0Mar 4, '11 by lenovothanks for sharing your story. Just dont give up and move on... you can do it!1Mar 4, '11 by silverbat, ASN, RNi am not sure about the Phillipines, but inthe States we have nurses who combine legal/lawyer type work into one speciality. They are legal Nurse Consultants. Seems like the best of both worlds, combining 2 of your favorite things---nursing and being a lawyer?? Best wishes and keep your chin up!5Mar 4, '11 by nursel56 GuideThank you for sharing your story of personal growth through adversity. You are so right - that if you are able to walk through the fire you will learn many things. If you avoid it and spend the time shaking your fist at the sky, all you have left is the pain. It's awful to suddenly have everything you accepted as truth be shattered.
I really understood the part about hating nursing and then learning to love it. I can't say I ever truly hated nursing, but I spent many hours wondering if I had what it takes, why I didn't feel like a "real nurse" and I thought everyone else knew some secret to it that I didn't know. That's why allnurses is such a great thing. It can take away the isolation you feel and wondering if anyone else has felt it. Now I know they did, and do, and we can be there for each other.0Mar 4, '11 by cdc_56Quote from nursel56Thank you for sharing your story of personal growth through adversity. You are so right - that if you are able to walk through the fire you will learn many things. If you avoid it and spend the time shaking your fist at the sky, all you have left is the pain. It's awful to suddenly have everything you accepted as truth be shattered.
I really understood the part about hating nursing and then learning to love it. I can't say I ever truly hated nursing, but I spent many hours wondering if I had what it takes, why I didn't feel like a "real nurse" and I thought everyone else knew some secret to it that I didn't know. That's why allnurses is such a great thing. It can take away the isolation you feel and wondering if anyone else has felt it. Now I know they did, and do, and we can be there for each other.
I almost cried after reading your comment. Thank you for that inspiring words. I've been feeling awful the past few days and its so comforting to know that someone halfway around the world feels what I really feel! it made me realized I'm not alone after all. thanks!1Mar 9, '11 by keepleaRNingYou sound like a very intelligient and smart person, with good blood in you from a family of hard-working people! DO NOT give up on your dreams...turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones and keep stepping...before you know it, you will be there. God bless ya
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