I see myself as a new grad in your post, so I know that feeling and have a few questions/pointers/tidbits of advice. They say free advice is usually worth what you pay for it, so please feel free to pick & choose what might be useful to you out of any of these ramblings.
1) How long have you been working? It is perfectly normal those first few months -- sometimes up to a couple years -- to have some trepidation, anxiety and yes, fear that you are going to do something wrong. That is healthy. It keeps you on your toes, and makes you check and recheck to make sure you DON'T do something to harm someone. You are not alone in that feeling.
2) That said, if this is something that is debilitating, you might be looking at some deeper mental health issues. You might want to get checked out by an MD to make sure. Have you done that? If you are worrying day and night about making a mistake, you might want to at least consider this, if you haven't already.
3) Accept the fact that you WILL make mistakes. You are human. We all do, we all have, and if you meet someone who says they haven't, they are lying or delusional. We all miss meds. Years ago I hung the wrong post-op abx on someone. Thank God they weren't allergic, because they did have another antibiotic allergy. I felt about as low as whale poop. But they survived, the doc was cool about it, and I moved on. That's just one of MANY mistakes I've made.
I work OB/nursery, so I understand how you feel about your babies. (I'm guessing NICU is neonatal, not neuro.) I'd rather cut my arms off than hurt one of them. And parents can deal with you screwing something up on them
, but don't mess with their babies. I know that is something always on my mind at work. Believe me, I know.
4) If NICU is something you really enjoy doing, you might want to stick with it. It's not for everyone but if you like the actual patient care part of it, you might try and stick it out. If you're not sure, maybe something working with babies but not critical care is an option until you have a little more experience.
My own story: I too had a contract that went with my $2000 sign-on bonus. I hated where I was, and after 9 months, paid them back what I owed and moved on. I knew it wasn't for me. I switched to a job that I loved and woke up every morning rejoicing that I got to go to work every day.
Whatever you decide, I do wish you the best.