Is Nursing Killing You or Making You Stronger?

Is nursing killing you or making you stronger? Three ways beyond the love hate relationship with nursing. The love hate relationship with nursing is something most nurses come up against at some point in their career. This is a point of no return because either you get through it and move on or it takes you down. This article takes you through the dilemma and offers 3 suggestions. Nurses Announcements Archive Article

Is Nursing Killing You or Making You Stronger?

These comments are from the same nurse just days apart.

"I came home and could not wait to tell my roommate about the day I had. The doctors took my suggestions and my patient got better!"

"I could not wait to go home and crawl under the covers. I cannot stand my job. What am I doing in nursing?"

Do you struggle with this love hate conflict as a nurse?

In this article I want to talk about this very common dilemma and offer a few suggestions to go beyond it. Stacey (not her real name) is very proud to be a nurse and for the most part loves what she does. She knows she is helping people and making a difference in their life. She enjoys the intimacy she has with patients and families and the trust they have in her to help them during the toughest times in their life. And at the same time, she worries frequently she will make a mistake or miss a medication or a warning sign and things could go bad for the patient. Caught in this space of loving her role as a nurse and the reality of having this responsibility, Stacey struggles to find balance.

At work, she enjoys her coworkers although is frustrated with many of the policies that come down from above. She often feels lost in all the demands and doesn't understand the constant urgency that goes along with these demands. "If only they would talk to us so we can understand what they really want."

A nurse by the very nature of the role solves problems. Working independently yet as part of a team, a nurse has to find a happy medium between being the one to take care of it and the one to communicate the need to the doctor or manager or administrator. Nursing is more than a job and for most nurses, it is an identity. Stacey represents many of the nurses I have mentored over the years and reflects the conflicts and emotional dilemmas that are so typical.

Nurses are constantly observing, doing, managing for everyone else that tuning in to one's personal needs is tough. So when disillusionment creeps in it can catch a nurse by surprise. Nursing as a calling is glamorous when you think about holding the dying patient's hand or saving the patient from death by initiating a code. Nursing as a job is anything but glamorous.

All the talent in the world doesn't protect you from humiliation from coworkers, violence from patients or the degrading feeling of being overlooked by management because the focus is on the new building campaign and not the hard work at the bedside. Gallows humor can save you from this reality and over time it can also harden your heart so that nothing gets in!

When the reality of nursing comes up against the calling of nursing, feelings of insecurity can creep in as nurses wonder, what was I thinking? Stacey wonders about this and goes to work looking for ways to be validated. She asks herself, "Do I try harder or stop trying?" At some point we all face this question because life is unpredictable and by itself a challenge. One way to build resilience to be able to keep going is to clarify your goals. What do you really want your life to look like?

If you always wanted to be a nurse, what does that mean today? A 6 year old and a twenty five year old have a different vision of what it means to help someone. What is meaningful to you today?

Nursing has many ways to "be" a nurse and this may be the time for a career move.

Another way to build resilience is to work on your attitude. If you have become sarcastic in order to get through the day without being disappointed, you are missing out on simple pleasures that escape your cynicism. Shutting down actually increases burnout rather than protects you from it. By tuning into what you really need and setting up a plan to get those needs met you empower yourself and build confidence. Confidence means "with faith."

Faith is the third way you can move beyond the gap between expectations and reality. If you stay focused on the gap and what you and not getting you begin to expect to be disappointed. Faith in something bigger than yourself, God, means you are destined for something better. Faith in God, exercising prayer and remembering that God today is the same God as yesterday helps you to recognize that what you may be going through is temporary and the bigger vision for yourself is possible. Just do not quit.

Mentor to Healthcare Leaders; from US Specialty: 36 year(s) of experience in Leadership Development

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sirI, MSN, APRN, NP

17 Articles; 44,729 Posts

Specializes in Education, FP, LNC, Forensics, ED, OB.

Excellent. Thank you.

My mother told me when I became a Nurse, "Congratulations on your accomplishment, sirI, I am proud of you. I want you to always remember this day and look ahead. The day you become disillusioned and un-caring because of the weight of this career is the day you need to revisit your passion and make a decision about where you are today and into your future".

gzussu

37 Posts

Nursing has made me much more assertive. And cynical in a good way. Before I trusted people too much. And I was gullible. My patients do not view me as a b**** bc I can balance compassion and care with assertiveness and limit setting. So nursing has made me a stronger person.

Except the borderline. Can't win with them.

Guttercat, ASN, RN

1,353 Posts

Another fantastic set of observations from you, CynthiaHowardrnphd. I get a lot out of your posts, and again you are spot on.

Regarding this topic specifically, is this conundrum the reason why you went on to your PhD? Either way, you have tapped into primary concerns and frustrations of modern nurses by reading about it, or living it. Or both.

At first read it seems (to me) that you are diplomatically nudging nurses caught in the crossfire of modern (corporate) medicine to make a decision.

As it is today, it is not a nice time and place to practice. Either one rides the wave, is crushed by the wave, or gets out of the ocean.

I'd say the former. I feel like I've aged at least 5 years in the 2 years I've worked at the bedside. Now I am looking for desk jobs which involve more computer work. Only nurses with children and soon to be retired look for those jobs. I don't have children and I'm way too young to retire. But a desk job with regular hours would be heaven. I never thought I would say this.

KelRN215, BSN, RN

1 Article; 7,349 Posts

Specializes in Pedi.

Neither for me. It's my job. After seven years, I've gotten pretty good at leaving it at work. It's the only way.

anon456, BSN, RN

3 Articles; 1,144 Posts

Neither for me. It's my job. After seven years, I've gotten pretty good at leaving it at work. It's the only way.

I agree! I put my whole heart into my patients at work, and try to do a good job and be compassionate and all that. Then I clock out and leave it behind.

ceccia

269 Posts

I'd say the former. I feel like I've aged at least 5 years in the 2 years I've worked at the bedside.

i do as well, and it scares the **** out of me.

the funny thing is, last year i took 6 months off because i had a nervous breakdown and couldn't even think about going into a nursing job without shaking and crying and having a panic attack...and after being away from nursing jobs for about a month, i was back to getting mistaken for a college student. And when i went back to it, it only took about a month to look horrible again. Stress not only kills, it ages you.

JayHanig

149 Posts

Specializes in Orthopedics, Med-Surg.

I spent 18 years at the bedside in a hospital setting on a variety of units. As a float pool nurse, I worked all of the ICUs, step down, med-surg and even pediatric units. Most of my career was spent in orthopedics, specifically joint replacement units. I've worked all three shifts: mostly days, a few years nights and less time on evenings. I came to see my job as a threat to my well being. I switched from full time to weekender to minimize my exposure while still earning an acceptable living.

It wasn't exposure to disease; it was exposure to administration that I feared and despised. If there was a way to create obstacles in my quest to complete my workload, management found it. I am convinced that most of the changes we endured were generated by administrative types who had to show some justification for their own existence, hence they changed policies frequently and without thought. How is it that a nursing assistant with a GED can see the flaws in an idea that a MSN can not? Well, they'd eventually learn but it was always at our expense.

I watched most of the experienced nurses on my unit fired over some BS complaint. We were given the responsibility of charge but not the authority that ought to accompany it. Every decision was second guessed by a "nurse" who couldn't do the job themselves due to a lack of ability. You know the kind: they graduate from nursing school, spend a couple of years on the floor if that long, then run off to grad school to escape the floor. Anyhow, once they fired the unfortunate charge nurse, they replaced them with new grads for significantly less pay. The few remaining experienced nurses such as myself began to refuse charge duty as we didn't want to get fired over some decision we made during our shift. Then they started forcing us to take charge duty. I got out before I got written up for anything but I could see the writing on the wall. They would get around to firing me eventually. Well, no thanks.

My father developed liver CA and I came home to care for him to the end of his days will taking advantage of the Family Leave Act. Rather than come back to work, the thought of which made me slightly nauseous, I retired at the age of 55. I haven't done a day of nursing since. Don't miss it though I keep up with my friends from work. If one of them hadn't posted this article on Facebook, I wouldn't be here now to post this.

I didn't sign up for what nursing has become. Those of you who are still trapped in it, you have my complete sympathy. I know you are doing your best with grossly inadequate resources and excessive micromanagement. It's a sad thing to say but I can't trust a member of my family to a hospital today without making sure they have a family member present to advocate. There was a time when we did that for our patient. Now, nobody has time. 14 hours worth of work in a 12 hour day.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide

VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN

22 Articles; 9,987 Posts

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Truer words were never spoken, JayHanig. Your post contains the essence of my own feelings on the matter, as I too retired at 55 even though I never intended to. My problem was that I just got to the point where I couldn't handle the stresses of the job anymore; I also had a couple of catastrophic meltdowns that eventually led to job losses. I didn't become an educated professional to be micromanaged and given impossible workloads that endangered not only my license but my health. I didn't sign on to be a corporate puppet or a glorified waitress. Even if I hadn't become ill, I would have had to leave anyway because I have principles and boundaries, and the way "nursing" is done nowadays is in direct conflict with them. There is very little "care" in healthcare anymore. It's sad.

SmilingBluEyes

20,964 Posts

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Good article. Attitude is everything. But I see the other sides too. Sometimes no matter how we try, how we try to have good attitudes and positive thoughts, they get crushed by what nursing has become. that is just a fact. Those who have been able to retire, my best to you. I hope not to be too far off myself; it's getting tougher everday to keep on the positive side. the main thing I do, is leave work at work, period. Boundaries save my mind.

SmilingBluEyes

20,964 Posts

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

PS: It is NOT either or.......not for me anyhow. It' s neither.