Is my husband being unreasonable?

Nurses General Nursing

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I currently work a med-surg position that is 12 hour days with no weekends. We all know how hard and challenging med-surg is and I have no great love for it. In fact when my required six months is up I'm looking to change to a specialty floor. The problem is all the specialty floors require nights and weekend rotations. My husband also works nights and weekends at times and is not comfortable leaving our kids home alone all night without an adult there. My kids are 18, 14, and 11. My 18 yr old is a very responsible student who does not party, stay out late, date, etc. However, with my husband being a cop he sees the worst and worries more about our kids protecting themselves than anything. I really don't want to be stuck in med-surg forever. Does anyone think it's unreasonable to have my kids home alone all night at their ages? Does anyone have any advice? My kids already stay home alone at times during the day when they're off school and we have to work and they do fine. They also do fine occasionally getting themselves off to school. Am I crazy for considering this? What does everyone else do?

This I know, I'm just curious what job "she" is trying to obtain, that's all. I for one know there is no such thing as "the perfect job." As a matter of fact, nothing in life is perfect. Also, no where did she mention that she was being abused at her current job, she just doesn't care for med-surg, not sure where you came up with that statement. We all have different outlook on life and our jobs, I for one do work a lot, I work a great deal of over time as well, that is what works for me, I know it doesn't work for everyone. She can do whatever she wishes to do, that is her business, I get that. I'm just wondering what type of job she is looking to obtain, I'm just nosy I guess, lol.

I was only clarifying my "dream job" comment . . . hoping that people wouldn't interpret my comment as saying there is no dream job and you must stay at a job where you are mistreated, etc.

I did not think she was being mistreated at her job.

Sorry if I was not clear.

I too am curious about what job she is looking for and that is a legit question.

I took a job that works for our family. Very part-time for hospice and part-time for the school district. I'm at my son's school 3 days a week. I'm usually finished when he is finished with school.

I love hospice but school nursing is not my dream job. But I get medical insurance and I get weekends and summers and holidays off, just like the teachers.

That's worth it to me.

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Have not read many responses but as a mother of 2 now grown sons who were left alone for a couple hour after school until I got home from day shift I vote NO. Too many bad things can happen even while you are there. Kids make bad decisions, even the most responsible give in to peer pressure. You do not want to look back with regret.

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I loved working on OB. I wasn't trying to hide anything-just didn't think it really mattered to the discussion. As it is now, my kids get home at 3pm and I don't get home until 8pm. That's a lot of time by themselves. I don't like it. Of course, my husband is off some of those days or is getting home around 6pm or leaving at 6pm for work. If I worked nights I would get to see them after school, help with homework, and get supper before I left. I felt like that may be better than getting home in time for them to get ready for bed. I'm also looking for jobs out of the hospital but until I find something I want my time there more bearable. I'm not being abused but I'm tired of working short-staffed, having 7-8 pts by myself, being made to work more than I was hired for, etc. Will the other job in a different area be perfect-of course not. I was not expecting it to. I know exactly what it's like and it can be very stressful too but at least I would enjoy the patient population more. Like I said, I'm still trying to figure out the best plan of action.

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It's been awhile since I've had that many patients. I understand your wish to change, I really do.

There's one member here on AN who works weekends (I think every other weekend) in post-partum so she can be home for her family the rest of the time. Her husband is with their kiddoes when she is at work.

When I worked bedside at our small rural hospital, I worked OB, ER, Post-op, acute . . basically everywhere. I liked ER best. Our shift was 0300 to 1500. So, I was up at 0130 to shower and get to work at 0245 when report began. I worked more than full-time. I did it for 9 years and I was exhausted most of the time. It was next to impossible to get enough sleep - who can fall asleep at 7 p.m. with 3 kids in the house? Two of my kids had some trouble with rebellion - which included more than one car accident. My husband worked out of town during the week until winter set in. If I could go back in time, I would not work full time, I would have found another way to be home for my kids. And I would have put a lock on my computer a lot sooner, I would have canceled cable.

We had a surprise baby when my kids were 18, 16 and 12. THAT was enough to convince me to leave the bedside. Now I work around my kiddoes schedule, I don't miss his games or plays or school parties or band recitals.

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I don't think it's fair to your older children to have them assume parenting roles. My mother was a night shift nurse and I always had to hold down the fort, and yes, there were emergencies sometimes. I am in agreement with your husband, sorry.

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I think just for the kids sake it would be good for them not to be left without a parent. There's something to be said about the security of always have a parent there through the night.

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Specializes in NRP, FP-C, CCP-C, CCEMT-P.

May I ask whose job provides the benefits for your family? If YOUR job provides the benefits, then you YOUR job should be the priority.

However, if you do not provide the benefits for your family, why is your husband the "bad guy" here, as so many have made him out to be?

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They both provide the benefits. His does not provide dental or vision and my medical is cheaper but more restrictive than his. I don't think he's being the bad guy for worrying about his kids. I think we both have valid points. Him worrying about the kids all night and me with feeling like I'll never get to do what I want career wise. I'm not going to sacrifice my family to do it. They are more important than my career. I'm hoping we can figure out a compromise that makes both of us happy.

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