Is my husband being unreasonable?

loriangel14, RN · Oct 31, 2012

Mine were home alone at night when they were 11 & 12.

I agree that maybe your hubby could try to be more flexible. You shouldn't have to do all the accommodating.

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2012

When I was 8 I walked home from school alone and hung out alone until my mom came home. Would I be comfortable today leaving an 8 year old home alone? Not really. It also used to be a standard expectation that older children would participate in child care and pull their weight in the functioning of the household. But child rearing and intensity of family commitment change over time, so I'm not sure past traditions are useful in deciding how to parent and raise your kids now.

That being said...have you talked to the 18 year old about being the responsible adult overnights? Maybe a paid gig as babysitter would work out well with school life next year.

RunnerRN2015, ASN, RN · Oct 31, 2012

We started leaving ours home alone for the weekend (Fri-Sat) when they were 15 and 17. Are they responsible kids? Do you have neighbors close by that they could go to if there was an emergency? Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it.

nrsang97, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2012

I agree that you shouldn't have to do all the accomodating/scaraficing. You both need to sit down and talk about this. I agree that the kids are old enough to be home by themselves.

The 18 y/o would like the extra cash to help out on the nights you both have to work. Good luck.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Oct 31, 2012

You've been in med/surg for just six months. The manager who took a chance on you and hired you deserves at least a year of your time once you're off orientation. It's not a matter of how old your kids are, how responsible or whether or not your husband is being unreasonable. YOU owe your employer a year. At the very least.

Wrench Party · Oct 31, 2012

I'm with GrnTea on this one: in the 90s I was a teenager, and my older sister and I were left to babysit the younger two siblings when my parents worked by age 12. We still managed to work jobs when old enough, have social lives, and do lots of extracurricular activities. No one died; we were trained in CPR and Safesitter practices, and even swam in the backyard pool on our own without parental supervision. We also cooked our own dinners, did basic chores, and were fairly independent by the time we left the house.

Being left overnight: not a big deal.

WannaBNursey, ADN, ASN, RN · Oct 31, 2012

I wasa Latch key kid since 8 , baby sitter since 10 I helped my mom give birth at 14, and have played Mommy Jr. since then. A great perk to having children is home-made baby sitting! Of course every parent is different, and some parents want kids to be kids while other parents require their children to have responsibilities and be independent. I don't personally see an issue with leaving the little ones with the 18 year old if you should ever have to work the same night as your husband, and with you only working 2 days a week, why can't you work around each others schedules?

mclennan, BSN, RN · Oct 31, 2012

Those kids are fine on their own. Independence breeds confidence, confidence leads to success. Have ground rules set up, security measures in place (phones, alarms, neighbors on watch, and even webcams are super cheap and easy to set up now). You husband can't be so overprotective or old fashioned. And, if he's so worried about them being alone, have him ask his cop buddies to roll by the house a few times a shift. Jeez.

irisheyesRsmilin · Oct 31, 2012

I disagree with your husband, the 18 year old can handle this, but I think should get some type of componsation for their work. Maybe a set sum of money deposited into their savings weekly for college expenses and then a few bucks for them to do as they wish? I think in this day and age with 2 parents having to work, all family members need to pitch in and help out for the good of the whole family. My 15 and 16 year old have hours alone due to my husband and I working, never overnight because of our scheduals, but many evenings, and have for a couple years. They have family within 5 minutes who could come over in case they need it and not in a bad neighborhood, have house alarm.

Husband needs to be flexible with his schedual as well....

Just my 2 cents

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Nov 1, 2012

If your husband is a local cop, then an occasional drive by would not be out of the question? I would say that if your husband only works an occasional weekend, perhaps he has enough seniority so that it can be opposite your weekend--as most places it is evey other weekend on. Additionally, if your almost college student is going to a local college, then perhaps he would be willing to be home on some weeknights--planned when you get your schedule in exchange for gas money or something of that sort--if you need him for a weekend, it could be the exception rather than the rule, then maybe pay for his phone that month. I don't think there's anything wrong with the 18 year old helping out especially when he would be in college and he is still living at home with you all supporting him. By the time he is done with his 4 years, same could apply to your then 18 year old. If you are on 12 hour shifts, this would only apply for 3 shifts. As another suggestion--how well do you know your neighbors? If there's someone in the neighborhood you trust, then that would be the immediate "go to" if something happens until one of you can get to the kids. Also, an alarm system installed may be worth the peace of mind.

Nurse ABC · Nov 1, 2012

Thanks for all the advice! I know med-surg is a specialty but not one I like so I am not staying there long-term. I'm not leaving my facility when finding another job in a different specialty. My nurse manager told me she didn't care if I left after six months when she hired me so I don't feel like I owe them a whole year unless their policy stated otherwise and it doesn't. It's not looked down on in our hospital to change areas that soon. I definately would pay my oldest for helping out-more than I already do. My husband has a set schedule and can occasionally take days off but trading is very difficult. I was told by the manager of the floor im interested in that I could request not to work certain days but nothing was guaranteed so out of the 8 days a month I'd work hopefully at least half those they would have one of us here. They are all responsible and all of them know how to cook. I agree that independence breeds confidence because I've seen it first hand after I returned to work and how well they're doing. Hopefully my husband will be willing to work something out!

chrisrn24 · Nov 1, 2012

I agree with other posters - if you could compensate the 18-year-old that might work out. However, if he wants to take a night off, go out with friends, I think you'd have to be agreeable. And if he doesn't want to do it, something else is going to be have to be worked out.

I do like the idea of asking a neighbor to keep an eye out, give their phone number to the kids.

However, many kids are scared home alone at night. I know sometimes if I'm alone at home (I'm 22), I get a little nervous. I wouldn't want your littlest ones to get scared and bother their older sibling...that isn't fair to your oldest.