Is it child sexual abuse? - page 2
I need an unbiased opinion. I have a 4 year old who said some disturbing things to me. She was recently over at her grandparents house (husband's parents). They always babysit, and from what I know... Read More
May 31, '04Thank you for all of your replies. Just to clarify, I did not "freak out" when my daughter told me. I was very calm and just asked simple questions such as where, when, who. I did not offer alternative ideas such as "how or did he use this, etc". I tried to be as calm as possible as to not upset her, but the fact is you are right, she could probably sense there was something off about this as well. I did have a separate talk with her later about private parts, and how nobody is allowed to touch our private parts and it is good to tell mommy if someone does. I have had this talk many times before, and perhaps that is why she said something. I do know that I will not bring it up with her again unless she talks about it because I do not want to start planting ideas in her head. Furthermore, when she was talking about it she did not seem the least bit upset, I am gathering she has no idea the gravity of something like that and how inappropriate it is.
I am just at a loss of what to do. If I bring in all kinds of docs/psychologists, I could further be planting things in her head that aren't there, or making this a more traumatic experience. Imagine if that never did happen! How would my FIN and MIL feel! But there is always that what if. What if it did? I am telling you, my gut is saying that it did because.....well, I cannot just put my finger on it but that story seems too odd and elaborate for her to have made it up. She has no reason to say something like that......but who knows. Still confused, but I thank you all for yor words of advice!
To answer a previous post, I do not like him because he is very narcissistic. Thinks he is better than everyone else and snubs his nose at everyone. I have been with hubby for 6 years and he only just started acknowledging my presence in his house about a year ago. Before he would never say hi. Just a very cold, mean, distant, arrogant person in general. The MIL is very nice and we are quite close, but she serves him on his "throne" (TV chair) and he puts her down all the time. She hides things from him in their family because he will get "upset". There is no reason to suspect he would do something like this, however, besides the fact of what my daughter said.
May 31, '04My 3 yr old, out of the blue, told me that my oldest son stuck his "peanut" in his mouth, just like that no warning. I did freak out a bit.......at first.........my oldest son is not someone that you would expect to do that, but then again they always tell us its not always the ones that are expected.........so I investigated, and what I came up with was that, at one time, about a week before my 3 yr old told me this, my oldest son and his friend were trying to teach my son bad phrases..........like suck my bla bla bla, well this is where my 2 yr old came up with this, and even though what my oldest actually did was still bad, I was very relieved to know it wasn't as bad as it could have been.
Anyway, what I am trying to say is that it could be possible that the story has gotten somewhat mixed up in some way, or at least I hope that is what happened...I will definately keep you and your dtr in my prayers, no one wants this to happen in their family, and I felt horrible until I found out what was going on, and also felt horrible when I told my oldest what I had been thinking, he was so upset with me for thinking he would do something like that, but when it comes "out of the mouthes of babes" it just seems so innocent, and we can't understand why they would "lie" about it, but like I said, keep in mind they do get mixed up sometimes................
May 31, '04Quote from fergus51This might sound incredibly naive, but has he ever cleaned her up after an "accident"? That's what it sounds like to me, more than actual molestation. The people I know who have been molested were all cautionned not to speak about it, and it sounds like your daughter wasn't or she wouldn't have just volunteered the information. A molester will often threaten a child ("If you tell, you'll be in trouble" or "I'll hurt your mommy if you tell") or try to make it seem like a game ("This is our little secret now").
this is wha came to my mind as well. are there any other signs of sbuse, withdrawal, is she touchig herself or showing unusual interest in her "sexual" body parts, behaving differently than normal, uncomfortable around men?, I would totally err on the side of caution, but just be careful not to let your negative feelings towards the grandpa influence you to jump to the wrong conclusion, this could devastate your entire family. If you are concerned quietly arrange it so that grandpa is never alone with your daughter, trust your protective instincts but if she isn't already "traumatized", i wouldn't set a chain of events into action that will definitely traumatize her. Talk calmly and with an open mind to your husband about it and be careful not to accuse, just let him know that you would rather be safe then sorry and protect your daughter.
May 31, '04its been my experience that all family denies such incidents, so confronting him will not help the situation.....it quite possibly will only increase hostillity between ur family and the inlaws.......we have lots of abused children as pts, they always have the most toys/balloons, family present at all times, and they deny everything......trust ur gut instincts, if it were my daughter, i would go to the md, and request that social services be notified.....this is their job....let them do it!!!!! if it is nothing, then ur FILl should be understanding, but will only be offended, esp if there are already negitive feelings. as for me, i would tell him to deal with it, it is ur job as the mother to protect ur child at all costs........and if he can look u in the eye and say that he wouldnt do the same, check out all the possibilities for his little girl...or boy for that matter....not only is he a terrible person and father, but i would be more likely to take that as an admittion of guilt, thereby making him gulity..........and deserving of the investigation. just my opinion...........