I'm just... I don't know.

[germjunkie]

Right out of nursing school I was recruited by the clinic I did a senior practicum in. It's a medical case management job and for the most part it's been good. The personalities are a little tricky but I haven't ever had trouble fitting in and it went fine for a year or so. Then everything in my family went to hell. My autistic son's problems at school escalated, requiring a good deal of time off (all time I had coming) but I got behind on my charts and never felt like I quite got caught up. Then my husband started drinking a lot, and decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Fortunately, he was able to stop drinking and really turn it around... Our marriage is better than ever. But then my stepdaughter showed up on our doorstep, addicted to meth and having been kicked out of her moms house. I got her into rehab, and then completely fell apart. I couldn't make it in to work without bursting into tears on the way, and I couldn't handle one more thing to do. I ended up taking fmla to get my depression and anxiety under control. Just prior to this, we had half of our staff out for fmla for medical issues, including my manager. She's still out. I started back to work on January 3, and the environment is so hostile I can't bear it. I know I wasn't doing well before I left... That's why I left. I feel able to do the job now, but I can't open my mouth without someone jumping all over me. It's awful. I feel like they want me to quit, so I told them I would be resigning in a month. Then HR called me to see if there were any medical restrictions placed on my return to work, and I said no, of course not, I am here for now to do the best I can. Which was translated to my coworkers that I will not be leaving. I felt totally on the spot when they confronted me about it, so I said I would like to try to stay... Then they jumped all over me. I know I need to move on. I feel like an idiot for not trying to find a med surge job right out of school... I can't get hired anywhere and I've been trying for 3 weeks. I don't know how long I can stay where I am at and keep my sanity. Plus I know it's even harder to get hired if you are unemployed. Where should I be trying to find clinical experience? What's the bottom rung for a washed out medical case manager/clinic rn with a bsn to start over. Our hospitals aren't hiring new grads right now, even though we have three programs in town pumping out grads. I'm not a new grad but I have less current clinical experience than one. I feel so low. I want to walk away from my degree, default on my loans and go wait tables. I keep hoping "this too shall pass"... But I don't see how.

[payitforward]

The first thing I would tell you is to BREATH! If you were/are in a hostile work environment, I would indeed go to your HR department or seek your EEO representative. There should be no reason why should have to work in hostile conditions. Keep a record of things that are done and said. Becauase you have gone through a series of unfortunate events doesn't give anynone the right to belittle you or to constant find fault. Try an assisted living,or acute care setting to get your feet wet, and then move up from there. Sometimes you may find a gig as maybe a school nurse. Don't give up on nursing IF its really what you want to do! Good Luck!

[beca0508]

I don't know what to tell you but to wish you the best and don't let people break you and your spirit apart!!!

[funfunfun550, BSN, RN]

Deep breaths.. the first step at improving your life is realizing you need change.. guess what you are NOt washed up and you are already there!!!!!!! Wow after all you have been through I would not have survived it..so give yourself credit. It really sounds like you are not in a nurturing environment for your first position. You are not the only person that has found that out. It appears as though your patient population is draining also. Try to keep it together and get a new position. I bet you will find a position in Long Term Acute Care...LTAC..that will teach you lots. Make a plan to stay there a year or two(don't tell them that) and after year one start looking for a job in Acute Care. However you my find your passion is with LTAC care and you may want to stay within that organization. If all those people are off with FMLA you have either a run of bad luck(illnesses etc) on your unit or chances are everyone is stressed out also?? Hang in there..many of us have to "regroup" in our careers. It's not over til the fat lady sings!!

[asantewaa13]

You could try and get in to an RN refreshers program. That helps you brush up on your theory and there is some clinical practicum involved to get you familiarized with the you practical nursing too. You can check what is available in your state. God luck and hang in there ... every problem has a solution . So cheer up:up:

[germjunkie]

All I can say is thank you for all of this support. It really helped me get through today. Without crying! I was able to shut another nurse down when she started to lecture me in front of the ID doc when I was giving report. I made a mistake Friday... Ordered labs for a patient that didn't fit the standing order. Reported myself as soon as I realized it and the interim manager was really nice about it. Got the incident report filed, told the doc (he was like... Who cares?) and felt a little bit vindicated because the same nurse was trying to lecture me about it in staffing...Anyway... I KNOW I can do this until I find somewhere else. The interim manager wanted to know where the training materials for our program are. I think I she just realized there isn't one. Maybe it will get better after this. But yes, I still need to go!Thank you once again for being so helpful... :)