If the backstabber tells you what you did and informs managment, is that backstabbing - page 2

Hi, I graduated last year...I got reported many times in the past and lost jobs...Now, I am fearful of every co worker I meet..I dont trust no one...I am sometimes very defensive and hostile in a way... Read More

  1. by   bagladyrn
    Quote from Bala Shark
    Hi, I graduated last year...I got reported many times in the past and lost jobs...Now, I am fearful of every co worker I meet..I dont trust no one...I am sometimes very defensive and hostile in a way to my co workers..I guess it is a defense mechnisim..

    I was wondering, if a co worker tells you what you did, and then informs manangment, is that still back stabbing?

    Also, every reporting, never dealt with patient safety..
    I'm going to have to agree with Tazzi and Tweety here.
    You may not want to hear this, but if you have been "reported many times" you may need to take a good look at your practice. If a coworker did tell you of an error and you reacted in a "very defensive and hostile way" I can certainly understand them then going to management as it may have seemed that you were not accepting the message from them.
  2. by   kakamegamama
    I'm more than a little concerned what I'm seeing in these posts....what about patient safety? When did it become "ratting someone out" who put a patient at risk? What evidence did management have? What documentation to support the personnel involved?
  3. by   rn/writer
    Could it be that your co-workers go to management because your response to them is to become (in your own words) "sometimes very defensive and hostile?'"

    When you appear to blow off inquiries or reject correction, you pretty much demand that your co-workers get management involved. It isn't a peer's job to arm wrestle you into compliance. If you've been approached and you appear to have dismissed what they've said or you've treated them with disrespect, you don't leave them any other option.

    If, on the other hand, you work to rein in your negativity and try to develop a more gracious response, they might be satisfied that their message has been received and they'd consider their mission accomplished.

    I have been "corrected" a number of times over the length of my practice. Sometimes I agreed with the input, sometimes I thought that the matter was one of preference and not one of right or wrong, and sometimes I flat out disagreed. But, you know what? You can use the same response for all three situations. "Thanks for telling me what's on your mind. I'll give it some serious thought." And I have done exactly that.

    Using such a response doesn't mean, "I agree." It means I'll consider what the other person has to say. It also means that, no matter what the result, in the end I am open to my co-workers and to new ideas. Even if we have to agree to disagree, I still appreciate the effort. It keeps me sharp when I have to think through what I do and why I do it a certain way. On occasion, I am exceedingly grateful to a fellow nurse for catching something that is actually a violation of policy and procedure. Maybe the protocol was changed and I didn't know. Maybe I had a blind spot and never realized it.

    Defensiveness and hostility have no place in peer relations. They contribute nothing but negativity and distrust. When you have had bad experiences in other environments, it is essential that you find a way to leave the anger and suspicion behind or you will be bound to recreate the atmosphere you just left.

    One more thing. Using the term, "ratting out," assumes that the issue is you vs. the coworker. It leaves no room for concern about the well being of the patient, your employer, or even you, the nurse. If you can't be approached without becoming adversarial, every issue becomes a fight.

    Please think about getting some counseling. You have been in many contentious situations and may need help discharging all the anger and hostility on your own. It isn't weakness to recognize that you are stuck. Rather, it can be a step of strength to seek out what you need to learn new strategies and skills and improve your quality of life.
  4. by   cmo421
    Quote from Bala Shark
    Hi, I graduated last year...I got reported many times in the past and lost jobs...Now, I am fearful of every co worker I meet..I dont trust no one...I am sometimes very defensive and hostile in a way to my co workers..I guess it is a defense mechnisim..

    I was wondering, if a co worker tells you what you did, and then informs manangment, is that still back stabbing?

    Also, every reporting, never dealt with patient safety..


    Ok I am going to play the devils advocate . You have been an RN for a year and already have lost a few jobs? Maybe it is time to think about what happened in each of these circumstances and figure out the pattern. Sometimes our attitude ,social skills and such need work. One can not always be the victim. I am not saying that staff can not be awful at times, we all have seen this, but one has to look at themselves and evaluate when certain things reoccur. Questions to ask yourself: How do I take constructive critisism? How am I perceived by others? Am I friendly and cooperative? Do I ask questions? Do I take others advice? When I look in the mirror,am I smiling or have a face with attitude? Am I easily angered?
    Good luck and please do not take offence,just another way of looking at things.
  5. by   caroladybelle
    What exactly are you referring to as "backstabbing"?

    Backstabbing is acting sweet to your face, buddying up to you, telling you everything is perfect to your face, and then, cutting you down or reporting your mistakes behind your back....tat's why it is called "backstabbing".

    What you describe is NOT backstabbing, and depending on the nature of how you interact with your coworkers, authority and depending on the nature of the problems reported....may be very prudent and ethical nursing.

    You may have the notion that "Friends don't report friends", but nurses, if there is a serious enough issue, may need to report nurses to maintain the standards of nursing.

    Much depends on the the nature of the allegation, and whether it was reported accurately.

    While I do not personally know you, reading what you have posted now and in the past leads me to think that you might want to have some counseling as far as better ways to communicate on the job and coping with job situations. I cannot say that you are being targetted fairly or unfairly. But as a rule, if you are feeling repeatedly "backstabbed", "targetted", "treated unfairly" on several different work venues, it might be time to readjust your work focus.
  6. by   Lisa_RN
    i was working in home health at the time. i had an 80 ish yr old patient w/ copd and chf. she was having a hard time breathing. i made an emergency visit. her family did not want to go to the hospital just to spend 8 hours and come home. her md told me that if this happen to call and i could give her some iv lazix and a foley. her md was closed that day (go figure). the the on call md ordered a bnp and i called him back to see if i could also get a co2 level also. he agreed because she was inhaling but not enhaling very well at all. she is a very hard stick. ugh! i got the blood and to the lab i went. well she did have to be hospitalized which i figured anyway. bnp 1809 co2 35

    a few days later i was pulled in the nurse mng's office and they fired me without a clear reason just "it's just not working". what the...?
    a few more days went by and i was told that the reason was that i did not obey md orders. what order other than lab as per results go to the er.

    my immediated supervisor has not spoken to me since before i got fired. some how she forgot to tell me to get her to the er before the blood draw. therefore i did not obey the md order(according to her). til this day i have never seen the order. seems to be i took the fall for her not telling me. not to mention i call the md for the co2. he did'nt tell me to just send her to the er. i would say that this was a major backstabbing!! :angryfire
  7. by   nursemike
    Quote from lisa_rn
    i was working in home health at the time. i had an 80 ish yr old patient w/ copd and chf. she was having a hard time breathing. i made an emergency visit. her family did not want to go to the hospital just to spend 8 hours and come home. her md told me that if this happen to call and i could give her some iv lazix and a foley. her md was closed that day (go figure). the the on call md ordered a bnp and i called him back to see if i could also get a co2 level also. he agreed because she was inhaling but not enhaling very well at all. she is a very hard stick. ugh! i got the blood and to the lab i went. well she did have to be hospitalized which i figured anyway. bnp 1809 co2 35

    a few days later i was pulled in the nurse mng's office and they fired me without a clear reason just "it's just not working". what the...?
    a few more days went by and i was told that the reason was that i did not obey md orders. what order other than lab as per results go to the er.

    my immediated supervisor has not spoken to me since before i got fired. some how she forgot to tell me to get her to the er before the blood draw. therefore i did not obey the md order(according to her). til this day i have never seen the order. seems to be i took the fall for her not telling me. not to mention i call the md for the co2. he did'nt tell me to just send her to the er. i would say that this was a major backstabbing!! :angryfire
    it sounds like you're saying you get verbal orders relayed through your supervisor. is that normal in home health? i don't think i'd want to be in that position very long. verbal orders are hard enough to prove first-hand.

    getting fired from some jobs is like getting dumped by an ugly girlfriend.
    it's a blow to the ego, sure, but at least you're out of it. best of luck in what i hope will be a better job.
  8. by   underpaidrn
    You stated that you have been reported many times in the past and lost jobs because of it. It seems to be a pattern for you. Perhaps you need to stop and take some time to see how you present yourself to others. Even if you have the best of intentions, people's perceptions of you can make things miserable for you. You might need to look at how people perceive you and maybe make some changes. I wish you the best of luck and hope that things improve for you. If I can help, let me know. I know in my heart you are a good person - bring that out so everyone can see!
  9. by   llg
    Quote from Bala Shark
    I seen nurses forget to pass a medication out..Due to the fact there is one nurse to 50 patients in a typical LTC..Would you report this? From your statement it would seem like you would..

    I never did rat a nurse out becuse of this because I looked at the circumstances involvled..

    A DON once told me that everyone misses a medication from time to time, EVERYONE...It happens...
    Yes it does -- and everyone should be reporting themselves! That's a major component of professionalism -- taking personal responsibility for your practice and holding yourself accountable for it.

    We all make mistakes, but if they are serious enough to be fired over, YOU should have reported them yourself. The person who told you that she was going to report your error was behaving appropriately, giving you the chance to step up to the plate and say, "That's not necessary. I will report it myself. Thank you for poiniting it out to me so that I can correct the situation. Would you like to go with me as I report it?" THAT's how you should respond when a co-worker finds an error that you committeed.
  10. by   morte
    more persons are fired for personality issues than actual work product.........
  11. by   ♪♫ in my ♥
    Bala, you've received some very honest but still respectful input from several posters.

    I'd encourage you to examine your internal response to the input. If you find yourself getting angry or defensive, or just blowing it off as not understanding, that might suggest that your internal thought processes and emotions are interfering with your co-worker and management relationships.

    I would encourage you to find a professional counselor with whom to explore some of your thoughts and feelings.

    This is not about who's right or wrong nor about placing blame. This is about you learning to interact in ways that create an environment around you that is the one you want.
    Last edit by ♪♫ in my ♥ on Sep 27, '07
  12. by   FireStarterRN
    Quote from nursemike

    Getting fired from some jobs is like getting dumped by an ugly girlfriend.
    It's a blow to the ego, sure, but at least you're out of it.
    :roll
  13. by   Katnip
    Quote from tazzirn
    [font=book antiqua]telling you about a mistake you made and then going to admin about it is not backstabbing unless the confrontation was done "nicely" and the reporting done with malice. and all mistakes deal with pt safety, in one form or another. missing a med, no matter what the reason, does have the potential of affecting the pt, if the med weren't needed for something, it would not have been ordered. i agree with you that overlooking a med one time doesn't warrant terminatin, however......bala, you have the history of not taking responsibility for anything that happens to you. everything that happens is always someone else's fault, you didn't deserve it. when you keep getting reported for things in each new position you get, it's time to step back and take a good, long, hard look at yourself and try to figure out what you're doing wrong in general. i would be willing to bet that if the write-up from the first termination were examined, there would be more to the story than just overlooking an inconsequential med.
    i agree 100%. if you're losing multiple jobs, odds are it isn't because someone doesn't like you, but that you are doing your job incorrectly and not learning from your mistakes.

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