I want the love of my life BACK! - page 2

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  1. by   VivaLasViejas
    Oh, this thread brings back so many memories.........my DH could have written it himself back there when I was going through school, we were both at our wits' end and nearly split up because of the stress on our marriage. I was totally engrossed in what I was learning and doing every day......funny how self-involved one becomes while learning to care for others!....while he was trying to keep the home fires burning. I was frustrated with him because I knew I couldn't make him (let alone anyone else at home) understand what I was experiencing when I watched people breathe their last, or shared the triumphs of helping them get better & go home. No one who is not a nurse (or studying to be one) gets the jokes, either; they just look at us like we've lost our minds!

    So I clammed up at home, spent a LOT of time in my room reading, or at study groups with other students......and was essentially "checked out" of our family life for the two years of the program. In the meantime, I was bored and restless at home and seriously thought about getting a divorce, since my husband was hopelessly mired in the past and OBVIOUSLY threatened by the fact that I was going to be making more money than he did. (This is how self-involved nursing students can be sometimes......)Luckily we were too poor to be able to support two separate households, so we had no choice but to stay and fight it out.

    Years later, our standard of living is much improved, and he knows that it's mostly because of my contribution to the family coffers. But I've learned to value his contributions too, and not just the economic variety. Although there STILL is no one at home who "gets it" (which is why I spend so much time here on this BB when I get home from work at night) I am no longer under the illusion that my work is more important than anyone else's; we all make a difference, it's just a matter of how we do it.

    Husband of RN2B, if you do come back to read the responses to your post, please know that life will change, but in the end your wife WILL return to some semblance of normal. Nursing school is probably the ultimate selfish experience, and it just takes us a little time to get over ourselves. Try to be patient and loving, and above all DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

    I wish you both the best, now and in the future.
  2. by   iliel
    ok, why do i feel like we were set up? what was the point to this post?
    was this post real?
  3. by   BBFRN
    Usually when I feel resentful, it's because I haven't said No, and have taken on more than I can handle. You have a responsibility to yourself and your family to put your foot down at times and say, "This is all I can handle right now, I need your help with___" It's not unusual for someone in your position to take on more responsibility at home than you used to while your wife is in nursing school, but you shouldn't be taking on all of it. And just like you didn't know what you were in for when she first decided to go into a nursing program, try to realize that she didn't either. This leads to a lot of stress (and resentment) for everyone involved. I commend you for taking on so much responsibility with your son and your business, and making it through this hard time- not everyone can do that, or is willing to. When she passes the NCLEX, pat yourself on the back, too- you helped to make it happen. Give yourself some credit for what you have done. Do you know what a blessing and a rarity a truly supportive husband (or wife) can be these days? And try not to take her stress so personally- it really has nothing to do with you. You've done all you can do, and you are not responsible for anything more than that.
  4. by   husband_of_RN2B
    NO! And you were set up my appologiess for my behaivor and deception but my colleagues and I had a bet on how long it would take a poster to automatically attack the poster based predominately on gender (and an emotional display presented by a male subject) and it took less than 1 hour! We posted a similar post at a medical school forum from a female perspective and recieved a response similar to gomers' in two days. there was no monetary bet but there was a dinner prize to the winner! this post also had an academic intention. It proved a valid point about "knee jerk" (for lack of a better term) advice I do not intend to ever post here again so if you boot me I am sorry you feel that way but this post did have an intellectual merit behind it! Sorry for those that are offended!
  5. by   Tweety
    You said "could give a rats whisker about those who will inevitably fault me for being some jerk husband!" Which means you're not willing to listen to the bad along with the good.

    Which probably means you haven't been very supportive or understanding of your wife. You're not giving her what she needs. She needs a lot of time and space for persuing her goals and dreams, which succeeding will hoping have some benefits to the family down the road, in the form of a middle income.

    It is tough and demanding to be a nurse. A nursing student, and one studying for the board, can't be at her family's beck and call. You have to learn a lot of independence.

    I've seen so many students and nurses consumed with guilt at the time it takes away from their family.

    Igflamini made an excellent post.

    Hopefully things will return to normal and I hope she passes the boards!

    BTW, you're only human and I don't think your some jerk of a husband. This has been a very stressful time for you and your family. When a wife and mother starts nursing school, the whole family has to work as hard, if not harder, than mom does. Kudos to you for making it through.
  6. by   Momto2Boys
    Originally posted by husband_of_RN2B
    NO! And you were set up my appologiess for my behaivor and deception but my colleagues and I had a bet on how long it would take a poster to automatically attack the poster based predominately on gender (and an emotional display presented by a male subject) and it took less than 1 hour! We posted a similar post at a medical school forum from a female perspective and recieved a response similar to gomers' in two days. there was no monetary bet but there was a dinner prize to the winner! this post also had an academic intention. It proved a valid point about "knee jerk" (for lack of a better term) advice I do not intend to ever post here again so if you boot me I am sorry you feel that way but this post did have an intellectual merit behind it! Sorry for those that are offended!
    As long as it was for educational reasons!
  7. by   Tweety
    Originally posted by husband_of_RN2B
    NO! And you were set up my appologiess for my behaivor and deception but my colleagues and I had a bet on how long it would take a poster to automatically attack the poster based predominately on gender (and an emotional display presented by a male subject) and it took less than 1 hour! We posted a similar post at a medical school forum from a female perspective and recieved a response similar to gomers' in two days. there was no monetary bet but there was a dinner prize to the winner! this post also had an academic intention. It proved a valid point about "knee jerk" (for lack of a better term) advice I do not intend to ever post here again so if you boot me I am sorry you feel that way but this post did have an intellectual merit behind it! Sorry for those that are offended!

    Well you made a post, then made a bet how long it would take to get a response you weren't happy with. With the first post you're uphappy with, you're happy you've proved your point.

    Sounds like a set up to me.

    We here at this board give tough love when it's needed. We do that to each other. We're pretty straight forward with our advice. Take what you need and leave the rest, but no need to be defensive.

    The above posts sounds like trolling for a free dinner to me.
  8. by   colleen10
    Dude, I wouldn't say your a jerk of a husband, but definately a looser. Do you not have anything better to do with your time?
  9. by   Gomer
    Originally posted by husband_of_RN2B
    NO! And you were set up my appologiess for my behaivor and deception but my colleagues and I had a bet on how long it would take a poster to automatically attack the poster based predominately on gender (and an emotional display presented by a male subject) and it took less than 1 hour! We posted a similar post at a medical school forum from a female perspective and recieved a response similar to gomers' in two days. there was no monetary bet but there was a dinner prize to the winner! this post also had an academic intention. It proved a valid point about "knee jerk" (for lack of a better term) advice I do not intend to ever post here again so if you boot me I am sorry you feel that way but this post did have an intellectual merit behind it! Sorry for those that are offended!
    My reaction had nothing to do with gender. You could have played a woman married to a male nursing student and my response would have been the same.

    As a matter of fact, I take exception to your little psychological study making the woman the nurse. Why not make the man the nurse and the complaints coming from the wife? Also, in your medical school study, why not make the MD the woman and the spouse the male. You were somewhat sexist in your examples.

    (Ye gods, but I will be happy when school starts again and these little kids don't have time to surf the net)
  10. by   SmilingBluEyes
    this too, shall pass if you are patient.

    we all have rough patches in marriage......if we stay married long enough.

    have you told HER how you feel?????

    If not, I suggest communcating this so you are understood. But once the pressure is off, it will pass. You need to be patient and hang in there. That is what mature relationships like marriage demand. It ain't a bed of roses all the time.
  11. by   husband_of_RN2B
    It was predominately academic in nature although this impomptu observational "study" will not be used for formal academic purposes. It does however validate other earlier observations.
    you have all been great but this was an untrue post (although I would deeply empathize with any couple experiencing this situation). Gomers' response was the desired response. The obvious distrust of ppl is amazing and the fact that this person could not empathize with the "husband" post begs to ask if Gomer had a patient in a clinical setting would this person recieve the needed empathy that would be indicated?( note we are not questioning whether or not they would recieve appropriate treatment just the empathy and the "extra mile") or would the gut reaction of "I hope your wife/husband has a good divorce lawyer!" over take a persaons ability to care! For a "caring" profession it seems many nurses quickly resort to hostile emotions in the face of a sensitive topic!
  12. by   husband_of_RN2B
    Gomer:
    YOU are assuming we have not tried this from a male perspective! And a steak dinner says I am chronologically older than you! and we tried this on boards ranging from chiropractors to DO's, male and female! we have tried a variety of nursing sites as well and we seem to get a great deal of hostility from all health care practitioners!
  13. by   AMV
    What about my post that the "husband" should ask his wife to go for counseling? At least I had suggested that he go for counseling even if his wife didn't so he would have the tools to deal with the situation.... I just am not sure at what point you were trying to make... That we ALL attacked the man because the majority of us are women? Also consider doing what the other poster said in going to a MD board and making the spouse male rather than female and vice versa for nursing...

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