I think I am going to crack up... - page 2

hi all...recently since just about all my co workers have been out for various reasons from illness to pregancy, i have found myself the lone staff member * there are travelers and perdiem people,... Read More

  1. by   CayRN
    Quote from mother/babyrn
    hi all...recently since just about all my co workers have been out for various reasons from illness to pregancy, i have found myself the lone staff member * there are travelers and perdiem people, left on my unit on the night shift. since i am also charge there are so many more things to worry about, not to mention minimal backup...i am stressed to the max and recently informed the manager i didn't think i would be able to continue..add to this that my stay at home husband, who is wonderful with the home and the kids, is getting on my nerves through no fault of his own...i think i am either jealous, mad or both that i have to work outside the home when i have 3 little ones that i would rather be taking care of when i am not either exhausted , grouchy or non functional....then too, my dad has a terminal illness, a brother was just diagnosed with leukemia, i am overweight and feeling overwhelmed an powerless, the epitome of a burned out person..i get sick to my stomach at the very thought of having to go in at night, and the kids are too small to understand why i can't get it together and stay up all day....i also am estranged from one brother and still have to be the acting family nurse...on both sides....there are nights that i burst into tears when the job gets to me or the inexperienced or new help argue with me...i worry that some sort of crazy wild delivery or nursery situation will happen and i won't be able to handle it..as much as it is nice that the docs want me in their labors and watching their patients, i can't be everywhere....not to mention that it is almost my birthday and i am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it..i know i probably need to see someone and talk about this because i have lately become a person i don't really know anymore and it is affecting me and everyone in my life...whew! help!
    it may not seem like much but i will keep you in my prayers. to state the obvious you need to find a way to de-stress. do you do anything just for you?? do you have vacation or leave time? would it be possible for you to get away from everything and go to the beach, mountains or whatever you are near and just have some recuperative time for you??
    we nurses often overlook our own needs and health in the effort to be "all that we can be" for everyone else in our lives including our patients. take some time for you...
    i was raised to believe that my needs did not matter in the overall scheme of things. but have had to come to terms with the fact that after a while i am no good to others if i neglect myself.

    i hope some of this helps. know that you are not alone. and that people care. god bless.
  2. by   AcosmicRN
    This string is very disconcerting for me, because I have no solution. Really, no one in here has a solution--they only have what worked for them, and maybe that's what's being solicited. Maybe in their personal solutions, Mother/BabyRN will find hers. I hope so. One thing's for sure: a psychologist or therapist will certainly be able to gather all sides of the story and see all perspectives and will hopefully be able to give you some solutions. Good luck.


    Acosmic
  3. by   jemommyRN
    I will pray that you find a way to relieve your stress. I'm glad to see that you are going to see a pyschologist. I hope you just relax and take it easy. If you need to take a break from work, please try to find another position.
  4. by   mother/babyRN
    You all are so wonderful! I really can't change jobs...Starting over will just drive me over the edge..Probably there is even some grief at the fact that most of the people I have worked with have to be out for various reasons and stressed in their own right..I miss my kids and quality time but I do make time for them and my husband..Going away is not an option and I really can't or won't call in because that would mean someone from evenings ( and they are already working hard) will have to stay..
    I don't know if I mentioned I also had a pregnancy scare in there( and here it is the day before birthday 47)...I know there are only so many things one person can do, and the fact that I felt I could vent to you wonderful people, actually really helped...Depression is a genetic thing in my family and I suppose I just didn't want to face the fact that super nurse ( who is also the breadwinner for the family) just can't do everything. That is ironic considering last night we had at least 4 nurses in labor, all of whom were apologizing left and right for their messes ( just like a nurse to worry about the messiness of ruptured membranes) and the like. Here I am telling them not to worry and not to be nurses and accept the care that we genuinely and lovingly offer, and it took some while for me to figure out that I needed it as well...
    I am going to see what I can do to help things and value all the advice given..NOW I guess I should attempt some rest ( my little ones are with daddy)...because I have six more night shifts to go....{{{}} to all of you as well...
  5. by   lynn27
    Mother/BabyRN, you are in my prayers.
  6. by   MelissaRN
    Employee assistance program is very helpful. I was able to vent to someone during a period when I was exhausted, depressed and felt hopeless. 3rd shift took it's toll on me for the past year and I didn't know when I was coming and going. They can give you insight to your situation.

    I accepted a day job at a smaller hospital in the OR. My co-workers where I am now have mixed reactions to my leaving. I'm giving up 3 twelve hour shifts for 5 days a week, but I'll be home every night and every weekend and on the holidays. I'm just hoping and praying that I'll finally find the right fit. My present job would be fine if I didn't have a family to take care of. The weekends I work are tough because I don't get the sleep I need.
  7. by   prmenrs
    Working nights is very hard on your body and mind. Ask the NM if you can work days for a few months (it takes ~ 3-4 months to realize how really AWFULL you felt working nights), or even permanently. Employee assistance is indeed very helpful. If you're going to break down in tears @ work, try to do it in the NM's office--she needs to realize how distressed you are and to HELP YOU.

    Good Luck! I, too, will keep you in my prayers.
  8. by   mother/babyRN
    Hey there all..Just wanted to update. Have seen a therapist who made me realize when things are amiss at home one strives for more control at work..That said, what I didn't realize (duh) with my family illness issues, is that along with that, most of my nightshift familiar people have also left and that in itself is a form of grieving that I didn't recognize. I still have my moments but I feel much better....Probably doesn't help that I am the sort who wears her heart on her sleeve...A footnote, my brother with leukemia did pass away, but he wasn't in pain and he made the decision in that he had had enough and was too tired to go on....His last independent decision empowered him which was helpful to the family..My daughter saw a huge monarch butterfly on the flowers at the gravesite and she (again) saw a rainbow over the church as we left..Leave it to my little spiritual one. Now she believes the butterfly was there to help fly Uncle Dan to Heaven, and the rainbow appeared according to my little one, to let us all know that God had let him in...Today and so often I am reminded that when I am stressed, there is always another event, another person, another story who is suffering so much more...My co worker just lost her husband..Today we admitted a patient for an induction who lost her husband to a construction accident when their oldest was 13 months old and she was 12 weeks pregnant with her current baby....There but for the grace of God go I....I am still on my path to feeling better but thanks to so many including and especially all of you, I think things will be ok....Your hugs, prayers and kind words of advice and support were , are and will always be, heartfelt...Thankyou...{{{}}} to all from a grateful nurse....A grateful ALLnurse, that is!
  9. by   mother/babyRN
    Quote from Chad_KY_SRNA
    You sound like an awesome nurse and a caring mother. I bet that their are thousands of mothers who think back to their births and remember that loving caring nurse who was their during that dificult and blessed time. I am having a hard time out of life right now too. I am a CNA in LTC facility and I have been loosing it lately. I found myself feeding someone their dinner in tears. I just graduated from high school and I am trying to transition. I am working 40+ hours a week and I have to start getting ready for college(prenursing). I also am going to see a mental health professional a.s.a.p. If it weren't for my awesome friends I don't know what I would do. I work in alzhiemers unit and that is pretty stressful also. I will pray for you. I hope that you and I feel better soon.
    It will be ok...Please PM me if you need to....{{{}}}You were wonderful to take the time to comfort me at such a difficult time when I can see you were feeling as equally overwhelmed...love, Martha
  10. by   mother/babyRN
    Quote from cayrn
    it may not seem like much but i will keep you in my prayers. to state the obvious you need to find a way to de-stress. do you do anything just for you?? do you have vacation or leave time? would it be possible for you to get away from everything and go to the beach, mountains or whatever you are near and just have some recuperative time for you??
    we nurses often overlook our own needs and health in the effort to be "all that we can be" for everyone else in our lives including our patients. take some time for you...
    i was raised to believe that my needs did not matter in the overall scheme of things. but have had to come to terms with the fact that after a while i am no good to others if i neglect myself.

    i hope some of this helps. know that you are not alone. and that people care. god bless.
    thankyou....your prayers and good thoughts are welcome and deeply appreciated. that is for everyone here....
  11. by   mother/babyRN
    Quote from bargainhound
    "....Not to mention that it is almost my birthday and I am closing in on the half a century mark with it seems, not a lot to show for it.."

    I have learned it is better to measure "what you have to show for it" in other than $ terms. Think
    of how you have helped others and bettered the
    world for some. It also helps you let go of some
    of the demands you make on yourself to aquire
    the $.
    Thankyou so much but I have to say I think I just realized how much more I could do and haven't yet done. Money never entered my mind but now that you mention it...Just kidding.....Looking forward and looking back according to one of my late grandmothers, just gives you tummy aches..You can lose track of today doing that....So, thanks Gramma...And thankyou to YOU as well....
  12. by   webbiedebbie
    I know exactly what you have been through and are going through. Been there myself. I will pray for your continued strength.

    On a lighter note (?) I too, have a 47 birthday coming up this year! I keep looking at it as "3 more years til 50"! Ugh! When I turned 30, it just about killed me. Turning 40 was a breeze. I think I have set my self up about the 50 thing. I don't look 50 (and won't by then either) but boy do I FEEL 50! LOL!

    Let's keep in touch. When you need to talk or vent, pm me. I don't have any friends my age who can understand what I am going through. I work with a lot of younger nurses who don't understand either.

    May God richly bless you!
  13. by   SmilingBluEyes
    ((((((((((((((((((motherbaby)))))))))))))))))))))) ) good luck in counseling and hang in there. Your plate is definately over-full!

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