I really, really feel like calling it quits - page 3
This a continuation of my other post. Today I had to meet with my clinical advisor and the instructor afterclass and I was told that I am not to go back to the clinical site on Monday and instead I... Read More
Feb 1, '07Hang in there, go back to campus and review all the materials, and work on the assessment. This should make you confident. Then go back and try the clinical again. I find that stress trips me up, not lack of ability or knowledge. So try and put that nasty instructor out of your mind and concentrate on the job you are given. I agrre with all the previous posters, many TALENTED people have failed before the succeeded.
Feb 1, '07You've wanted to be a nurse for as long as you can remember...oh, please do not let this one person stop you from doing it. I know you're looking at her as an "instructor" & probably thinking, "Well, she must be at least a little right - she's an instructor!" She's a person. She is just one person & even though it doesn't seem like it right now, she doesn't get to decide if you're going to fulfill your dream as a nurse...she doesn't get to decide how you're going to earn your living for the rest of your life. She's just a person.
I had one eight-week clinical my first year that sent me home crying every single night. Our clinical got done @ 9:00 every night & I had to stay after every night until about 10:00 just to please this one instructor. Highlights I can remember:
-of course, she told me she didn't think I was cut out for nursing
-when I turned in clinical paperwork with the labs missing because I didn't realize she wanted us to turn in labs, she told me it wasn't that I didn't understand what was due, it was that I was pretending to not know what was due in order to get out of doing the work. This left me with the impression that, "Well, I really must be stupid if she thinks I'm actually pretending to act like I don't know what's going on - I really don't know what's going on!"
-pulled me aside, one-to-one & told me every night that she was going to fail me - pulled me aside every...single...night & told me she was going to fail me. It was always the same, too. I will never forget these words, "Can I be frank with you...I am not going to be able to pass you in this clinical." Or she'd try & class it up once in awhile, "Can I be frank with you? You are not going to be successful in this clinical."
-said something to make me cry one night after clinical, then was so quick to hand me a tissue, that it was fairly obvious to me that she was trying to make me cry. She had that kleenex held out for me before that first tear even hit my cheek...I remember the next night, when I again had to stay after for one of our one to one little chats, she "apologized" if she seemed to be a little harsh the night before. I said, "Well, I do think you were pretty quick to hand me that kleenex." She told me she was quick to hand me a tissue because she's a nurse & she was providing a comfort measure
-accused me cheating on paperwork, made me dig up old graded paperwork from her to prove her wrong (harped on me about it for 2 days), then when I did prove her wrong, all she said was, "Oh. Okay.":icon_roll
I am not trying to go off on my own little rant here, not trying to show you who was treated worse in clinical - I swear! Here's the end of my story.
The last night she told me I was going to fail, I'd finally had it. I had finally had the guts to confide in my other classmates about what was going on & they were all shocked. And one of them told me this particular instructor has a reputation for picking out one person each class to harp on. When I heard that, I remember thinking to myself, "Well, that's a game I can play!" So, the last night she told I was going to fail, I remember I was on my way out the door, had my book bag all packed up & she stopped me & said, "Oh, by the way, Jessica, can I be frank with you? I am not going to be able to pass you for this clinical." GOD! It was like that movie, The Princess Bride; there's this one scene where the prince describes when he was being held captive & his capture used to say to him every night, "Well, sleep well. I will most likely kill you in the morning."
I put my book bag down, looked at her & said, "You know what? You can fail me for this clinical & I'm going to come back & take it again. And you can fail me again then, too. And I'm going to come back & take it again. You can fail me as many times as you want to, & I will always come back & take this clinical again until I pass it."
So, the big grade day comes. I was fully expecting to fail. Which would have meant sitting out an entire year until her precious clinical became available again. She sat me down in a little conference room & BS'd about my performance for a HALF HOUR before she finally showed me my passing grade.
What a nightmare. Guess I did get a little side-tracked there. Sorry!(When I do get my degree, I'll probably have to get some professional help just to deal with what this woman put me through.) Here's my point: there are instructors out there who just want to see you sweat - & this is something I never would have believed if I hadn't had to go through it myself. So, let them see you sweat, if that's what gets them off. It sounds to me like this woman's trying to yank your chain & she wants you to get fed up with having to watch videos & do stupid BP check-offs. She might even want you to look bad in front of your other classmates. Let her. But please don't let her get the satisfaction of quitting. People told me this when I was going through my ordeal: if she really wanted to fail you, she would have already done it. And of the 2 or 3 people I know of that have failed clinical, it was done -BOOM- right away.
Please don't quit. Worst case scenario (& I know it's a bad one): you jump through all her freakin' hoops & she still fails you & you take it again.
Even after I passed this woman's clinical, I still felt like I was completely inferior to my other classmates, that there was something wrong with me...after my next instructor gave me an A for clinical, I asked her why she thought I struggled so much with the last clinical & she had no idea. She saw nothing wrong with my clinical performance.
This is your make it or break it time. And there's more than one way to make it. Take her precious clinical again, if you have to. The only way not to make it is to quit. Don't let her win.umpiron:Last edit by RNfromMN on Feb 1, '07
Feb 1, '07you have a right to be mad.
darn tootin' you have a right to be mad. and hurt and discouraged and sad and all those things. go ahead and feel those emotions for a while if you need to. go ahead and have a good ol' snotfest cry session if you need to. wail and scream 'til your head hurts. empty the kleenex box. call that instructor everything but a child of god!!!
dust yourself off and decide with a new-found determination that you will start fresh and never give up. and then study, study, study, practice, practice, practice. and do everything they're requiring of you so you will succeed.
i'm just a lowly pre-nsg student (finishing up pre-reqs) so i haven't been in your shoes with the clinicals and all. but i do have academic achievements in other areas. and i know what it's like to feel so discouraged, that you will never make it, that you have some kind of unique stupidity uncommon to all other beings on the earth.
but i also know that a lack of confidence, a negative outlook, a general attitude of feeling sorry for myself (not saying that you are) will never help me achieve anything.
when i get to feeling like that i try to tell myself that no one is responsible for my own destiny but me. and no one will enjoy the rewards of my accomplishments like i will. and i always find the following to be true:
at the end of the day, no matter who didn't like me, who didn't give me the opportunity, who didn't make me feel welcome, who didn't help me when they could've--at the end of the day there is still the work to be done to accomplish the goals. so i might as well get started doing it.
i hope the above helps. and here's one more nugget i coudn't help but to add:
it took me four tries to pass calculus i when i was an undergrad. you know what they call people like me?
bachelor of science.
Feb 1, '07If yor instuctor told you that, she as an instructor doesn't know what her job is as an instructor( ot atkes knowledge, patience, caring and liking what you do, and finding other ways to deleiver the needed material) I would find out if they have an instructors sthescope and practice doingb/p's with someone who you are confortable with teaching you.And don't give up if nursing is truly what you want to do. There will be many bumps in this career road. So roll over the bumps as smoothly as you can and keep it moving. REMBER GOD WILL HELP IF YOU ASK HIM TOO.
Feb 1, '07Abraham Lincoln failed at everything he ever tried to do. Failed as a business man, failed at a run for governor, failed at multiple runs for Congress. He is now remembered as one of, if not THE greatest president this nation has ever known because he was able to keep the country together. And he had a disability. Your situation is a minor setback. Roll up your sleeves and get in there and show them what you can do. If this is your dream - and you said it is for "as long as you can remember" - then don't let them stop you. Smile and do the the bullcrap assignment they gave you. Then keep going on. The actual job of Nursing itself will have setbacks too. Maybe this is just a test.
Feb 1, '07Abe Lincoln is one of my favorites too. He lost 32 elections. But he kept plodding along and never gave up. I had a clinical instructor in my fourth semester who hated me and kept making fun of me even in front of other students and other people but I just kept plowing ahead. It helped that it was the last semester. I now work in the ER of a large, busy hospital.
I have tutored student nurses for about 5 years and what I have discovered is that the majority of them are not understanding the time commitment involved to study nursing.
Because society doesn't realize the enormous responsibility we have and the enormous amount of knowledge that nurses have, they don't realize how much we have to learn and how many hours it takes for us to learn it.
It really is a gruesome 2-4 years and requires an unbelievable amount of time and commitment.
After I explain this to the students I tutor and give them some study skills all but 2 out of 40 or more have done very well.
My favorite preceptor when I started med/surg was a guy who told me that when he started med/surg after a couple of weeks they told him he should quit that he just didn't have what it takes. He was a great preceptor and he is now finishing up nurse practitioner school. I think he will enjoy all the letters after his name too. I know I will.
Feb 1, '07I do recount all those folks that I'd never thought would throw in the towel, those shining lights of prowess and nurse ambition and were destroyed by a mean instructor or a failed course, pride got the most of them. Or the nursing students told too often that they would never amount to much as a nurse and received C grades eventually turning out to be awesome nurses. Don't let them pounce your reason to be a nurse out of you! EVEN if you need to change programs, but God bless it, get through this, you know you can!
:caduceus: :caduceus: :caduceus:
PS. I failed at the big University one year with pathophyz, went to another college passed patho and waited a year, returned only to get burned again by this school. Got my CNA at a college; started from scratch at the same community college, but failed Peds in third semester (*repeated peds with an additional semester) and passed 4th semester. If I (*a repeading nurse[pun intended] that I am! LOL) can do it, you know YOU can, really you can. And it is ALL worth it!Last edit by CaLLaCoDe on Feb 2, '07
Feb 2, '07Wow Jessica, that's the worst case of nursing instructor bullying I've read yet. I have some experiences from my ownthat were unnerving, and I did get told maybe I wasn't cut out to be a nurse by a heartless instructor, but nothing on the level of ruthless tormenting that you survived. That takes the cake!
To the OP, take heart. Like I said, this woman is a heartless Witch and PM me if your want me to tell the worthless crone what a useless sadist she is. She's a horrid bully with a miserable life; a nasty troll and a coward.
Feb 2, '07Quote from shining_star28463That was terrible what your instructor said to you. Very Unprofessional!!! It also sounds as if she's expecting too much out of a 2nd semester student, especially since she isn't very clear what she expects out of you in the first place. Hang in there and don't give up. As everyone else has said, practice assessing your friends and family members. Act as confident as you possibly can in front of your instructor. Try not to let her see how intimidated you feel. Let her see how motivated you are and how much you've learned. Do everything she asks and then some. Tell yourself you will not take no for an answer and hold your head up high with pride. You can do this!!! Don't give up or you may regret it later. Remember, it won't feel like h-ll forever. There is going to be a light at the end of the tunnel.This a continuation of my other post. Today I had to meet with my clinical advisor and the instructor afterclass and I was told that I am not to go back to the clinical site on Monday and instead I have to go to campus and watch films and write reports, then I have to check off on five blood pressure readings and do an head to toe asking all of the pertinent questions (all of this is due before Feb. 8) before I will be allowed to go back to the clinical site and if I don't meet the criteria then I can be excused from the Med/Surg program.
Basically I was told that I am the worst student in the program and that I don't know anything. My clinical instructor said that it wasn't fair to the other students to have me around because I don't know what I'm doing. I am really devastated. The semester just began and we have only done two clinicals. I will admit that I made mistakes but I believe that the punishment is very harsh for the mistakes that I made. I feel stupid, I feel like a failure and I really feel like just giving up.
I have wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember and I have given up so much to get to this point and I feel really discouraged. It's like a hatchet hanging over my head, threatening to destroy my dreams and there isn't much I can do about it. I mean, what if I don't get all of the blood pressures correct or I miss a few of the assessment points? I'm really upset and I just need a little advice and inspiration...please someone help me.
Feb 2, '07I understand that you are upset and frustrated at what the instructor said to you.. and, I think ; mostly HOW she said it; and I do agree that it could have been done more gently or professionally, however; you need to objectively think about what led up to this. Nursing Instructors have a tremendous job.... ensuring that you are safe and aware and thorough enough to SAVE A LIFE!!!! if your bp skills or assessment skills are not up to par .... then it could be LIFE THREATENING for your patient. Remember you are working off of HER license!!! Wiith that said, pick yourself up,dust yourself off, and , as the other posters have said, practice practice practice!!!!! You WILL get this....and count the extra day in the lab as a blessing to hone your skill to be the best in your class!!! i wish you well... keep us posted!!
Feb 2, '07I've seen instructors like this. Instead of encouraging you they try to break you. Don't let one instructor ruin your dream. You'll get through it if you practice the skills until you are confident. You can do this!!
Feb 2, '07Quote from GardenDoveGardenDove, this was incredibly validating to hear. At the time, I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on because this instructor was so incredibly respected. Truly brilliant. I felt it had to be me! I wouldn't be surprised if the OP is going through something like this, too.Wow Jessica, that's the worst case of nursing instructor bullying I've read yet.
Feb 2, '07I have had insulting instructors who made some disheartening personal comments about me and my fellow students. I never met a nusring student that DIDN'T feel like chucking it at some point. Find a supportive network and get your confidence back thru them.