I don't know if you are here or not

  1. My nurse,

    I don't know if you are here or not, but I had to put this letter out here and try. I want you to know how much you changed my life.

    8 years ago you save me. I came into the ER late that night and everything was a blur. I barely remember your face, because I had overdosed on Tylenol. I wouldnt say what I took, so it took awhile for the bloodwork to come back, by midnight I was on your ward in the PICU.

    My mother left me in the elevator. What I thought was her hand I was reaching for was yours. You got me undressed and put me on a gown. You taped my NG tube so it would quit pulling on everything. I cried and screamed for mother, but she wouldn't answer the phone when you called. After everything settled you held my hand and we watched a movie until I fell asleep.

    The next night I saw you, you told me I was too pretty and smart to do this to myself. You helped me brush my teeth, and wash up. I was in a world of pain and constantly had asthma attacks, you held my hand again until I fell asleep. You gave me my nasty meds through my tube and made me swear to never forget. Under no circumstances was I to come back. You were there for 4 days. My mother never came back. You bought me some cheapie sweats to wear and snuck me ice cream. We ate jello and you told me about your cat. I told you about mine.

    When I left you said you never wanted to see me again like this. That it was never this bad and that I better not come back. To go make something of myself and to h#ll with everyone else.

    I haven't seen you since and I just wanted you to know, I'm ok. You helped me decide I wanted to be a nurse. I only have 2 years left in school. I'm doing pretty good, now.

    I never got to tell you, but thank you. You saved my life and you gave me a dream. I had every intention of swallowing another bottle of pills until you came along. I want to be like you one day. I don't know if you are here, but this would be the only way I could think to tell you.


    -A
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  2. 23 Comments

  3. by   2bNurseNik
    This was beautiful. Best of luck to you.
  4. by   ABQLNDRN
    Wow. That brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, I think all of us nurses wonder if we've really made an impact on our patients. This was absolutely inspiring.

    And KUDOS TO YOU!!! What a brave and wonderful person you are! I hope you have the beautiful life that you deserve.

    Good luck to you in school and in life. We're here for you if you need anything.
  5. by   dream8
    Dont make me cry..

    This is exactly why I became a nurse...This is the beauty of this profession. It touches so many lives in a simple but lasting way. I had a situation similar to this also. The care I received during two of my hospital visits, reconfirmed my aspirations to be a nurse.

    Wow.. through all the stress we have to through stories like this give it all meaning.
  6. by   leslie :-D
    msdr, your story was very powerful.
    and to think that one day, you as a nurse, will touch another's soul just as deeply... and will inspire another to spread the love.
    the very best of everything to you.
    and thank you.

    leslie
  7. by   SANDRA RN
    Best Of Luck To You. Your Story Was Beautiful.
  8. by   RN BSN 2009
    Thanks for letting us know there are still some out there who appreciate us
  9. by   annmariern
    thank you. i really needed to remember why I do it today after being slapped around by managers who are more concerned about having a "stepford nurse" than a bit one who genuinely cares about the people they care for; reminded me just how much impact, good or bad we have on out peeps, for us its just another shift, for them its a significant event in their lives and they are vulnerable. I hope your nurse is here. As for you, I hope you are proud of what how far you have come and for noticing the difference it makes to do a nurses job well Good luck and thanks.
  10. by   AliRae
    As a PICU nurse, I've taken care of many young, promising kids who have overdosed. Every once in a while, we hear about one who, after multiple attempts, finally succeeds in completing their suicide. I was just sitting here thinking about one of those girls, almost in tears because of what I thought was the futility of what we do. Until I saw your story.

    I wasn't your nurse back then, but reading your story just now gave ME hope. Hope that, somewhere, there's a girl out there who has turned her life around because of something myself or one of the girls I work with did or said. I'm tempted to print out your post and slap it on the break room door. "Look, ladies," I'll say, "look what it can mean."
  11. by   RNDreamer
    Everytime I think of quitting and just giving up, I'll think of this story and remind myself why I want to be a nurse
  12. by   fmrnicumom
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are obviously very strong, brave, and determined. You will no doubt touch many lives as a nurse - you will help make the world a better place.

    Tiffany
  13. by   leslymill
    You truly renewed my calling. That we can heal this country.
  14. by   Sabby_NC
    What a beautiful and poignant letter.
    I thank you so very much and am so proud you have turned your life around.
    I wish you so much joy working as a nurse and wish you even greater joys and blessings in your personal life.

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