I did something stupid... no, embarrassing and stupid - page 3

Okay, first I want to make it clear that this is not a thread about religion. Please, let's not discuss our personal views of religion, that isn't my topic. Here is my problem. I have two... Read More

  1. by   Charlotte M. Davis
    You should be congratulated for attempting to come up with a respectful word. As I put myself in your situation, I might have said "wife #2" or "second wife". I am sure a Google search would net you some information. You might want to look in a online bookstore as well.

    Your apology, explanation, and request for additional information from the person you were talking with is a great example of "getting foot from mouth". An apology works wonders in any situation. Asking advice on what to say is the next best thing. You did BOTH!

    Lucy Mack, the mother of Joseph Smith - the Prophet, is a second cousin five-times removed of mine. The Mack Farm in Vermont has the monument dedicated to the movement. I visited there in 2002 while on a genealogy search.

    I am sorry to say that I have not researched that aspect of my family history. You have however perked my interest and will let you know if I come up with some information. You might want to check the Latter Day Saints site at familysearch.org for some books. It is mostly dedicated to genealogy but has a search engine in the library section.
  2. by   QuilterLPN
    First, I think that the way you handled your mistake was the right way - to just say, gee I don't know exactly what to say, sorry!


    Second, these people are not Mormon. So, please you cannot lump them all together. Polygamists practice some form of the religion, but in no way are associated with the group as a whole. Really, they are a complete and separate group.
  3. by   nurse_wannabe
    You should *not* feel embarassed or stupid at all! I'm sure very few, if any, members of this board would have known what to say if placed in the same situation. You did a great job.

    I do have one question though. You said that the woman you were speaking with on the phone was another wife of the same man. Was she the M.D. or a nurse, or what? Just curious, because I, like you, just thought that the wives were not allowed to work outiside of the home. Interesting...

    Anyway, while I think that polygamy is a disgusting concept, when you think about it it's really not any different than all of these single men who are going around impregnating baby momma after baby momma and not supporting those children at all, let alone *marrying* the mothers.
  4. by   jeepgirl
    why is co-wife offensive?
  5. by   JessicaInOr
    Quote from QuilterLPN
    First, I think that the way you handled your mistake was the right way - to just say, gee I don't know exactly what to say, sorry!


    Second, these people are not Mormon. So, please you cannot lump them all together. Polygamists practice some form of the religion, but in no way are associated with the group as a whole. Really, they are a complete and separate group.
    They aren't Mormon? I guess I kind of view it like how Catholics and Baptists are Christians, just not the same brand. The Colorado City Mormons are Mormons just not like the folks in Mesa, Arizona.

    I have always been of the belief that there are as many Gods out there are there are believers. :chuckle
  6. by   JessicaInOr
    Quote from nurse_wannabe
    You should *not* feel embarassed or stupid at all! I'm sure very few, if any, members of this board would have known what to say if placed in the same situation. You did a great job.

    I do have one question though. You said that the woman you were speaking with on the phone was another wife of the same man. Was she the M.D. or a nurse, or what? Just curious, because I, like you, just thought that the wives were not allowed to work outiside of the home. Interesting...

    Anyway, while I think that polygamy is a disgusting concept, when you think about it it's really not any different than all of these single men who are going around impregnating baby momma after baby momma and not supporting those children at all, let alone *marrying* the mothers.
    The gal I talked to yesterday is a nurse (I believe) and although she is one of multiple wives to the same man, it isn't the same husband as my patients.

    When I realized she was one of multiple wives to one husband I *almost* blurted out... "You are allowed to work??" But I caught myself, it really was a reaction. I thought the ladies were not permitted to work as well. But, I was wrong about that too!

    I can't say I believe multiple spouses is a 'disgusting' practice or concept, it isn't for me but I'm not sure I'd go as far as to say disgusting. My b/f is Hindu and they have some strange stuff they do. It's bizarre to me but it is his culture and quite natural for him. That doesn't mean I don't step back and look at him with a raised eyebrow every now and again, I have always tried to see things from his perspective.
  7. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    To each their own, i'm just not willing to share my husband.
  8. by   JessicaInOr
    Quote from jeepgirl
    why is co-wife offensive?
    It was a combination of things. My stuttering, half words, my embarrassment at how I knew I sounded, and then just blurting out co-wives. Suffice it to say it didn't come out right and I was left with my big fat foot in my stupid mouth. :chuckle It sounded like I was attempting to come up with a crappy remark and that really wasn't what I meant.
  9. by   JessicaInOr
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    To each their own, i'm just not willing to share my husband.
    Yep! There are some things I'll share with anyone but not R! He's mine and it will stay that way. :chuckle
  10. by   pricklypear
    AZMichelle, No I don't think you would get the absolute truth. I think you would get the spin version that they want you to get. I totally understand your dilemma. You seem more concerned about the young girls having arranged marriages. Consenting adults is one thing, but you're right, does a teenage girl who has been raised in a culture where this is expected really have the opportunity to say "no, I don't want to live like this"? I don't think so. And before you know it, she has 12 kids and is trapped, along with her daughters. I'm willing to bet you could find some information (I have no idea where) about women who have gotten out and have some stories to tell. I have to tell you that I think your attitude is great- wanting to learn more about the lifestyle, and trying to be open-minded.
  11. by   susannyc
    My brain in now in high gear, and yes, I remember hearing about a support group for women formerly in plural marriages. It was started by a woman who had been in such a relationship and had managed to leave. I wonder if a Google search would locate her website?

    As far as 14 year old girls getting married--Yes, in my opinion that is WAY too young. However, to get away from home at that age, I would have agreed to just about anything. I thought I was grown up and knew EVERYTHING. Amazing how, now that I'm 53, I know NOTHING!

    Try this link
    http://www.rickross.com/reference/po...polygamy1.html pv('http://www.rickross.com/reference/polygamy/polygamy1.html','3', 600)*


    Susan in NYC
    Last edit by susannyc on Apr 9, '05 : Reason: insert link
  12. by   Katydidit34
    One of my very best friends used to be a reporter for the Fox network in Phoenix. She did a piece on the polygamists. She said that it was terribly sad how they were living. Children upon children crammed into houses and men taking the girls that had just gone through puberty as their wives. She said that the women and children there had very blank, sad looks in their eyes. Many were afraid to talk for fear of being abused. She said that the police of this town follwed her and her camera guy everywhere they went. The night she did her live shot from above the town to introduce her piece, there was a car that slowly came up the hill where they were and flashed their lights throughout the whole live shot. She said each time the camera was on they were flashing. It really scared her. There is an "underground railroad" so to speak, that helps to get these girls out of there. Twelve year old girls could end up "married" to a 50 or 60 year old man. It's just sad. I wouldn't worry too much about understanding the culture. I don't know that it can be fully understood. I think you were very tactful in the use of the word co-wives. It sounds like you did your job by taking care of them. Sometimes that's all we can do, treat the body and leave the rest up to God, or a higher power.
  13. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Twelve year old girls could end up "married" to a 50 or 60 year old man.
    That's why i feel the majority of the time this is just an arrangement for a man to get his hand on a child, and call it their "practice". That's just bull.

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