I can't stop crying... need encouragement... - page 7

I work at a long term care facility on the 11-7 shift, and tonight's shift has been a nightmare. I am the only RN in the building with 156 residents and 5 LPNs. Any emergency or crisis is my... Read More

  1. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Angie O'Plasty, RN
    My Dad's in a nursing home too far away for me to visit regularly. I thank God every day for dedicated, caring staff like yourself who slog through the mountains of work each day and do such a great job with so little thanks!

    May you, your residents and your staff have a wonderful, peaceful Thanksgiving, Lori! :icon_hug:
    Thank you... that means a lot to me. I do consider my residents my family. In fact, I'm working a full shift tonight even though as a salaried manager I am given the night off on holidays, and not paid holiday time if I come. But I stayed up, cooked a turkey, brought it in with trimmings, just in case we have some residents who are depressed about the holiday and for the staff that work hard all year. It's been a blessed night, with many residents who were moved to tears by feeling like they were with "family." Yesterday dh and I brought flowers to the meanest, crankiest man we've ever taken care of- he was the one who fell that awful night and broke his hip. He's still in the acute care hospital. He had a stroke during the surgery that has left him mostly paralyzed. When he saw us with the flowers, he cried. The doctor came in and wanted to know if he could talk in front of us, asking this man "Are they family?" He said "They d*mn sure are." That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. We're going back again this morning, he's been missing his Hershey kisses and hasn't had any other visitors to bring him any.

    It breaks my heart to think of the "worse" nursing homes. I don't understand how anyone could mistreat someone who is someone's child, parent, grandparent, etc. No matter how many bad days come, I will stay in this line of work the rest of my life. It's where the Lord meant me to be.

    Lori
  2. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    If I am forced to go into a nursing home, I will refuse to take the medications that keep me alive. That's how much I dread going into one. Why? Because everything is regulated now. Residents are given laxatives the night before their scheduled showers. A lot of times they are placed into the shower chair and hauled off into the shower where they are unable to hold back their bowels, and they have a BM on the floor anywhere between going to the shower to being in it. The CNAs hate that, and the resident is humiliated. I know that too, because I have had to have my backside wiped.

    Those poor people are hauled off to do things at the convenience of the rules that are made by people who have no idea what it's like being in their shoes. Remember, they were once very active, and productive members of their communities too. This tears my heart out. I do not want to have anything to do with nursing homes. Those people are like now enslaved to the rules and time of treatment of the nursing home. How very sad.

    Progress? What progress? There was a lot more nurse to resident contact back in the early 60s than there is today. Those poor people now have nothing to say for themselves; when they want to go to bed, what time they want their shower, etc. Their independence is completely gone.
    Fran, I am soo sorry to hear what you are going through... all I can say is, check out different facilities before you decide you would rather die. Our residents choose when to shower, what to wear, what to eat... dignity is a VERY high priority here. When a resident can't sleep, one of the staff (me if noone else is available) will sit with them and talk with them quietly until they are able to sleep. Call lights are answered within 2 minutes or I am gonna find out why when I get the call light report. If someone wants to go to Walmart, even in the middle of the night, we take them. Ditto for any church service, any trip home. With the holiday season, we donate new gift items for them to buy at greatly reduced prices (like 50 cents or a dollar for a $30 item) and wrap them for them to give for Christmas so they feel like they are buying things for loved ones (and in fact they are!)

    You are such a special person, it shines through your posts. If you get to where you can't live by yourself, I'm sure many of us on this board would fight to bring you home with us!

    Lori
  3. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from bethin
    Amen. Could we please get off the computer subject??? That wasn't the OP's problem to begin with. Her problem is that she passed stressed last week!

    If any certain members came near me with a needle in hand I'd rather die first than have you stick me with it! We are supposed to be HELPING Lori through her ordeal and it seems that every other post I've read is nitpicking at her. When I first came to this sight my first impression was "these people are so nice and helping each other out." Well, somedays I wonder. Remind me not to post if I feel stressed, over worked, depressed or anything else negative. The whole point of this site is to help people and besides isn't that why we went into nursing? If you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut! :angryfire

    Daytonite, please refer to one of my signatures at the bottom
    I love your quote! :chuckle True, so true. And ANYTIME you are overstressed, overworked, etc remember there are TONS of wonderful people, and those are the posts I took to heart. You can also always PM me, anytime. We have to take care of eachother, right?
  4. by   catlady
    Quote from Daytonite
    My points of view are based on my experience in supervision, management and ownership of a business. As such, I tend to assess an entire situation first and prioritize the problems I see. I see a big problem here that most of you do not. This is what I do for a living and I am quite good at it. I'm sorry you don't see it as well. Perhaps if your money were going towards the payment of someone's paycheck your vision would clear up considerably. With that I withdraw from this discussion.
    Your arrogance shines through, like a beacon of...purulence. It's attitudes like yours that makes the jobs of managers like me so difficult. Believe it or not, there are a great many of us in management who feel their role is not to keep rein on our employees, but rather to act as facilitators to make things easier for our staff and at the same time focus on quality assurance. That way we've met our responsibilities both to our company and to our staff. They are not mutually exclusive. I prefer not to beat my staff over the head, but rather, build them up so that they feel good about what they do; this also helps get them in an accepting frame of mind as I gently guide them in the direction I want them to go. If I write someone up, it's because I have no choice, due to a hard and fast company policy such as attendance. I can look at the big picture, too--this is not my first foray into management--but I recognize that each individual is part of that big picture. Just like a jigsaw puzzle. You miss one piece, your whole picture is ruined.

    I doubt you're as good at what you do as you say. People that arrogant rarely are. But you and your fellow control freaks cast a long shadow. I still have to hear every day from my staff about managers from hell they've had in the past and how they're now afraid to trust me...it takes a long time to get over abuse. I want them to be healthy and happy and productive, not nervous and terrified. That's a win-win for everyone. It's insecure managers who feel they always have to be in control, and who get anal about issues that don't matter. As previous posters said, you're all lathered about the computer use, but the problems that the OP faced alone that night don't seem to take a shine off your pearls.

    Withdraw from the discussion? Aren't you just special....
  5. by   Cute_CNA
    Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
    Thank you... that means a lot to me. I do consider my residents my family. In fact, I'm working a full shift tonight even though as a salaried manager I am given the night off on holidays, and not paid holiday time if I come. But I stayed up, cooked a turkey, brought it in with trimmings, just in case we have some residents who are depressed about the holiday and for the staff that work hard all year. It's been a blessed night, with many residents who were moved to tears by feeling like they were with "family." Yesterday dh and I brought flowers to the meanest, crankiest man we've ever taken care of- he was the one who fell that awful night and broke his hip. He's still in the acute care hospital. He had a stroke during the surgery that has left him mostly paralyzed. When he saw us with the flowers, he cried. The doctor came in and wanted to know if he could talk in front of us, asking this man "Are they family?" He said "They d*mn sure are." That moment will stay with me for the rest of my life. We're going back again this morning, he's been missing his Hershey kisses and hasn't had any other visitors to bring him any.

    It breaks my heart to think of the "worse" nursing homes. I don't understand how anyone could mistreat someone who is someone's child, parent, grandparent, etc. No matter how many bad days come, I will stay in this line of work the rest of my life. It's where the Lord meant me to be.

    Lori
    That is wonderful, God bless you! :icon_hug:

    This thread reminds me of a couple scriptures:

    Matthew 5:3-12 3 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, For they shall be comforted. 5 Blessed are the meek, For they shall inherit the earth. 6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled. 7 Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. 8 Blessed are the pure in heart, For they shall see God. 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, For they shall be called sons of God. 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 11 "Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

    1 Corinthians 13:8-13 8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. 13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
  6. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
    Fran, I am soo sorry to hear what you are going through... all I can say is, check out different facilities before you decide you would rather die. Our residents choose when to shower, what to wear, what to eat... dignity is a VERY high priority here. When a resident can't sleep, one of the staff (me if noone else is available) will sit with them and talk with them quietly until they are able to sleep. Call lights are answered within 2 minutes or I am gonna find out why when I get the call light report. If someone wants to go to Walmart, even in the middle of the night, we take them. Ditto for any church service, any trip home. With the holiday season, we donate new gift items for them to buy at greatly reduced prices (like 50 cents or a dollar for a $30 item) and wrap them for them to give for Christmas so they feel like they are buying things for loved ones (and in fact they are!)

    You are such a special person, it shines through your posts. If you get to where you can't live by yourself, I'm sure many of us on this board would fight to bring you home with us!

    Lori
    God bless you, Lori. By your posts, I can see that you do understand, and you have a huge heart for the elderly. That elderly man will never forget what you did for him either.
    By the way, I was speaking about how elder care has actually degenerated in many nursing homes due to rules that people have no idea about what helpless people go through. They are just going by what works for them instead of considering what the elder person, who may have contributed to his/her community in the past and was placed in one of the above nursing homes. My friend, an LPN, works in one of them, and she can't wait until her probation perion is over so she can get some benefits. That particular nursing home was shut down in the past due to too many deaths and resident neglect. The nursing home I personally am refering to is one that is run by the county, and even though LPNs work there, they are unable to get all the work done, nor are the CNAs due to low employee help, and the county states there isn't enough money in the budget to pay for more employee help. That is why the employees are currently fighting for unionization. How very sad.
    My personal care RN has found a place for me, and I will go there when I'm ready, (sure hope I don't fall much) I know that's one criteria for it. I asked her why she chose that particular one, and she said, "because you will get extra TLC there as opposed to one of the larger care facilities." I dearly love her, and she does me. It's just that I understand what those poor elderly people who had the misfortune of bering stuck in the wrong place now have to deal. I feel soo very bad for them. They don't deserve that fate. I guess you can see I love them too, just as you do.
    I thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from catlady
    I doubt you're as good at what you do as you say. People that arrogant rarely are. But you and your fellow control freaks cast a long shadow. I still have to hear every day from my staff about managers from hell they've had in the past and how they're now afraid to trust me...it takes a long time to get over abuse. I want them to be healthy and happy and productive, not nervous and terrified. That's a win-win for everyone. It's insecure managers who feel they always have to be in control, and who get anal about issues that don't matter. As previous posters said, you're all lathered about the computer use, but the problems that the OP faced alone that night don't seem to take a shine off your pearls.

    Withdraw from the discussion? Aren't you just special....
    I once worked for a husband and wife team who ran a bus company. The husband was kind, and as long as you did your work, he showed his appreciation, and he treated his employees as people. On the other hand, his wife was just the opposite. I always said puplicly that if anything happened to him while I was employed there, I would leave that job and seek another. If you treat your employees with kindness, they will always treat you with kindness, and will show you how much they appreciate you. On the other hand, employees who worked for those like his wife would cheat, backbite, and do anything they could because they know she treats her employees like the machine they operate. Henry Ford had it right. He paid his employees more than other employers. In return, he had loyal employees who who went above and beyond what they were required, and the Ford Motor Company became a success.
  8. by   Acutecat
    Hi,
    I can so relate to your situation, I work in a 116 bed SNF and the only difference is we have a 24 hour ED with a supervisor for help. Don't get me wrong, there have been numerous situation where the supervisor has dummied up. I know your agony, the most falls I've had on Day shift was 7 one was a LOL who fell from her w/c and split open her skull. The aide caring for her witnessed the fall and was with her throughout the stitching (40 stitches) in the ED. The LOL only spoke spanish so my aide had to translate the whole process for her. I have worked with these people for 10 years, 8 on the line with them and the last 2 as their Nurse Manager. I have to tell you, as hard as it was I as the RN NM made this aide talk with the family. It was horrific for this aide, but you know, ever since, she has made her mission to assure that no resident who could be a potential fall is left alone in their room. It sounds cruel, but after watching her with this whole situation, I realized there is no discipline that could have made her more aware of her responsiblity as explaining to the family why she turned her back on a LOL whose safety had been placed in her hands. Since this episode, I have made it a practice to include the aides & team leaders be present when talking with the family members regarding any complaint they might have. I have seen a significant decrease in "accidental injuries". It is ultimately our responsiblity I agree, but in order for the care givers to focus and understand the scope of their license, they must take responsibility and be accountable for their actions. Your devotion to these residents is apparent with your heart felt tears. But let me ask you this, did any one of the caregivers caring for your 7 falls spend even 1 minute crying over what you are??? It took alot of tears and anger on my part before I realized, that I'll go to the ends of the earth for my staff as long as I know their on the same journey I am. I am so sorry to hear of your situation, but as I said, until these LVN's and aides walk even an hour in your shoes and understand what you do for them, they will never give you the respect and loyalty you desearve.
    Hang in there my friend, GOD knows you try to prevent poor outcomes. Give your staff a chance to prove their committment to both you and the resident's they are caring for.
    Good luck and never give up. People like you are why LTC facilities are still in business.
    God Bless you, you have friends out here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
    I work at a long term care facility on the 11-7 shift, and tonight's shift has been a nightmare. I am the only RN in the building with 156 residents and 5 LPNs. Any emergency or crisis is my responsibility, and tonight has been nothing but. I'm at work right now and I only have aminute but since I don't want to leave my office until I can stop crying, I wanted to go ahead and post (I also don't have a workign computer at home so please forgive if after 7am or 8am I don't respond again until Sunday night...

    We have had SIX falls tonight. Count 'em, SIX! Including one where the poor man broke his hip. Another sweet LOL fell asleep on her bedside commode (she never called for assistance to get on it or we would have helped her on it and stayed in the room with her until she was finished) and pitched forward, striking her forehead on the floor and opening it up. The other four were minor, all cases where the resident did not call for assistance before getting up, and the alertmates went off when they fell. In addition to that, I went into one of my favorite little lady's room (she was recently put on Hospice care d/t failing health) and found her with a pool of blood next to her head where it was running out of her mouth, I called her hospice nurse and family and she doesn't look like she's going to make it through the shift... I am so overwhelmed right now and I can't let my staff see me crying, I have to keep it together somehow... the most falls I have ever had on my shift was two.

    I don't know what to do... I feel so incredibly sad right now...
    Oh sweetie, that was one horrific shift. I hope nothing like that ever happens again. If the person criticizing you for using the computer in your office, thoroughly, she would see why. I hope such a nightmarish thing ever happens to you again. you don't deserve that, and neither do your residents as you already know. That's one huge place you work at.There should be more managers like you. However, the occasional good thing that happens, like in your case, the grouchy man who had surgery. When the staff at the hospital asked him if you were his family, and he said, "You're damn sure they are!":uhoh21: I'll bet the reason he was so grouchy is due to the lack of TLC he needs. Thank God for you dear. I wish you a long and prosperous future.
  10. by   boulergirl
    Amen. Could we please get off the computer subject??? That wasn't the OP's problem to begin with. Her problem is that she passed stressed last week!

    If any certain members came near me with a needle in hand I'd rather die first than have you stick me with it! We are supposed to be HELPING Lori through her ordeal and it seems that every other post I've read is nitpicking at her. When I first came to this sight my first impression was "these people are so nice and helping each other out." Well, somedays I wonder. Remind me not to post if I feel stressed, over worked, depressed or anything else negative. The whole point of this site is to help people and besides isn't that why we went into nursing? If you don't have anything nice to say then keep your mouth shut! :angryfire
    THANK YOU!! Lori specifically asked us for ENCOURAGEMENT when she came here...not a guilt trip! I remember crying at work one time because I had been up for 30 hours without sleep and was being asked to stay for a few more hours after the end of my shift...we had a call-out. The maintenance director told me to "suck it up" and handle the situation with a professional attitude. Um, that was the LAST thing I needed to hear (especially from a guy who comes to work grumpy half the time)!
  11. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    God bless you, Lori. By your posts, I can see that you do understand, and you have a huge heart for the elderly. That elderly man will never forget what you did for him either.
    By the way, I was speaking about how elder care has actually degenerated in many nursing homes due to rules that people have no idea about what helpless people go through. They are just going by what works for them instead of considering what the elder person, who may have contributed to his/her community in the past and was placed in one of the above nursing homes. My friend, an LPN, works in one of them, and she can't wait until her probation perion is over so she can get some benefits. That particular nursing home was shut down in the past due to too many deaths and resident neglect. The nursing home I personally am refering to is one that is run by the county, and even though LPNs work there, they are unable to get all the work done, nor are the CNAs due to low employee help, and the county states there isn't enough money in the budget to pay for more employee help. That is why the employees are currently fighting for unionization. How very sad.
    My personal care RN has found a place for me, and I will go there when I'm ready, (sure hope I don't fall much) I know that's one criteria for it. I asked her why she chose that particular one, and she said, "because you will get extra TLC there as opposed to one of the larger care facilities." I dearly love her, and she does me. It's just that I understand what those poor elderly people who had the misfortune of bering stuck in the wrong place now have to deal. I feel soo very bad for them. They don't deserve that fate. I guess you can see I love them too, just as you do.
    I thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to me.
    I mean it, Fran, you let us know when and where you're gonna be and you won't be lonely, I can tell you that! I used to think that LTC was a death sentence, when I did a clinical at one I used to cry on my way home because I felt so badly for those who seemed so forgotten. I was apprehensive when I started here, and then it struck me that I can make my shift whatever I wanted it to be. You wouldn't believe the change. I surveyed all the residents as well as the staff, and worked out ways that all were happy (most especially our residents!) I pray that God will give you the strength and healing to live without the move, but if and when it comes we will be here to support you.
  12. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from catlady
    Your arrogance shines through, like a beacon of...purulence. It's attitudes like yours that makes the jobs of managers like me so difficult. Believe it or not, there are a great many of us in management who feel their role is not to keep rein on our employees, but rather to act as facilitators to make things easier for our staff and at the same time focus on quality assurance. That way we've met our responsibilities both to our company and to our staff. They are not mutually exclusive. I prefer not to beat my staff over the head, but rather, build them up so that they feel good about what they do; this also helps get them in an accepting frame of mind as I gently guide them in the direction I want them to go. If I write someone up, it's because I have no choice, due to a hard and fast company policy such as attendance. I can look at the big picture, too--this is not my first foray into management--but I recognize that each individual is part of that big picture. Just like a jigsaw puzzle. You miss one piece, your whole picture is ruined.

    I doubt you're as good at what you do as you say. People that arrogant rarely are. But you and your fellow control freaks cast a long shadow. I still have to hear every day from my staff about managers from hell they've had in the past and how they're now afraid to trust me...it takes a long time to get over abuse. I want them to be healthy and happy and productive, not nervous and terrified. That's a win-win for everyone. It's insecure managers who feel they always have to be in control, and who get anal about issues that don't matter. As previous posters said, you're all lathered about the computer use, but the problems that the OP faced alone that night don't seem to take a shine off your pearls.

    Withdraw from the discussion? Aren't you just special....
    Thank you for that! I have to admit I was astonished at the venom Daytonite spewed... it is frightening to know that she is in management, don't you think? Catlady, you and I have very similar styles of management. No need to push people down or beat them up over something, It's amazing what a quiet talk in my office over a cup of coffee can do to resolve a conflict, MUCH more so than a file full of write-ups. I'm glad there are those like you who understand, and have supported me. Love your name- I have 9 cats myself? Anyone want a kitty?

    Lori
  13. by   LoriAlabamaRN
    Quote from Franemtnurse
    Oh sweetie, that was one horrific shift. I hope nothing like that ever happens again. If the person criticizing you for using the computer in your office, thoroughly, she would see why. I hope such a nightmarish thing ever happens to you again. you don't deserve that, and neither do your residents as you already know. That's one huge place you work at.There should be more managers like you. However, the occasional good thing that happens, like in your case, the grouchy man who had surgery. When the staff at the hospital asked him if you were his family, and he said, "You're damn sure they are!":uhoh21: I'll bet the reason he was so grouchy is due to the lack of TLC he needs. Thank God for you dear. I wish you a long and prosperous future.
    Thanks again for your kind words... this man was simply a behavior problem from the beginning, brags of 8 wifes and 17 kids and never paying a dime in child support. Cussed me out and everyone he spoke with here. In fact, right until out of the door he was threatening to kill the paramedics! I think that what he is going through is opening his eyes to the people who love him over at the LTC, and he misses us and wants to do better. I pray for him (and am still visiting him) and hope he comes back. I know his bad behavior has been from way back, all 17 children want nothing to do with him. When I visited him yesterday, I got teary-eyed because 4 of my CNAs (these same ones he had called n*****r and been awful to) were there in the room joking with him over a TV show. It is so wonderful to have a staff who cares as much as I do. I do love that crotchety old man, and I hate seeing him so debilitated. It's funny how that works, you know?

    Lori

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