How to shut up people who gossip !!!!!! - page 4

A very wise person swears that printing out the following and posting it around the workplace will drastically cut down gossiping and backbiting, or at least tick them off: Great people talk about... Read More

  1. by   rn/writer
    Quote from mercyteapot
    Sorry, but she specifically said ''small people'' engage in those behaviors. That is name calling, pure and simple.
    You think calling people small, nitpickers, and whiners is lofty and mature?
    She didn't call people nitpickers and whiners. Only said that they did these things.

    Some people ARE small of spirit. That's a recognition of an unfortunate reality and not necessarily an insult.

    Maybe it's time to return to the original subject which was how to put a stop to gossiping when others start it.

    Probably the most effective method is to keep the conversational tennis ball and not toss it back. It takes two (or more) to keep the gossip going. If you are not a receptive audience, it stops being fun.

    "Did you hear that So-and-so got called into the NM's office for making too many personal phone calls?"

    Response A: "Oooh. Did she get written up?"

    Response B: "No. Do you know where the hand-held thermometer is?"

    I think we project our willingness to participate.
  2. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from rn/writer
    She didn't call people nitpickers and whiners. Only said that they did these things.

    Some people ARE small of spirit. That's a recognition of an unfortunate reality and not necessarily an insult.

    Maybe it's time to return to the original subject which was how to put a stop to gossiping when others start it.

    Probably the most effective method is to keep the conversational tennis ball and not toss it back. It takes two (or more) to keep the gossip going. If you are not a receptive audience, it stops being fun.

    "Did you hear that So-and-so got called into the NM's office for making too many personal phone calls?"

    Response A: "Oooh. Did she get written up?"

    Response B: "No. Do you know where the hand-held thermometer is?"

    I think we project our willingness to participate.
    I still don't see how saying that people nitpick and whine isn't the same as calling them nitpickers and whiners. That's a mighty fine line as far as I'm concerned. It doesn't seem to me to be less small of spirit to sit up on a high horse and judge another's behavior by using pejorative terms than it is to engage in gossip.
    Last edit by mercyteapot on Jan 6, '07
  3. by   rn/writer
    Quote from mercyteapot
    I still don't see how saying that people nitpick and whine isn't the same as calling them nitpickers and whiners. That's a mighty fine line as far as I'm concerned. It doesn't seem to me to be any smaller of spirit to sit up on a high horse and judge another's behavior by using pejorative terms than it is to engage in gossip.
    Saying people nitpick and whine focuses on their behavior. Calling them nitpickers and whiners concentrates more on the person and locks them into a very limited definition.

    I guess this is the heart of separating people from what they do.

    Saying someone DOES something is just a fact and doesn't have to imply judgment. Labeling the PERSON takes things a step further.

    Behavior should be fair game for discussion. A person's worth as a human being should not.
  4. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from rn/writer
    Saying people nitpick and whine focuses on their behavior. Calling them nitpickers and whiners concentrates more on the person and locks them into a very limited definition.

    I guess this is the heart of separating people from what they do.

    Saying someone DOES something is just a fact and doesn't have to imply judgment. Labeling the PERSON takes things a step further.

    Behavior should be fair game for discussion. A person's worth as a human being should not.
    And the word ''small'' isn't labeling them, then?
  5. by   rn/writer
    Quote from mercyteapot
    And the word ''small'' isn't labeling them, then?
    Perhaps, she should have said, "people who behave in a small-minded manner."

    It seems unproductive to focus on a single word when doing so doesn't address her original question.
  6. by   mercyteapot
    I don't think going back to the original question is really such a good idea. How to shut people up? Hmmm...
  7. by   rn/writer
    Quote from mercyteapot
    I don't think going back to the original question is really such a good idea. How to shut people up? Hmmm...
    Again, she might have used more a more tactful expression, but I think her meaning is clear. What can we as individuals do to reduce gossip in the workplace (or any place, for that matter)? This is a valid and worthwhile question. I give her credit for wanting to put a damper on a harmful behavior that is all too common.

    Her wording wasn't perfect, but could we move past that and give the spirit of her question proper attention. I applaud anyone who wants to solve a problem or improve a negative situation.
  8. by   EmerNurse
    I do my VERY best to try to think of one thing that is good or that I like about each person I work with. In some places, it's been difficult, and luckily in my job now, it's not very hard.

    But having something positive to say, I find, often nips oncoming gossip in the bud:

    Person A: Did you hear that Nurse XYZ got written up for being late AGAIN?

    Person B: Boy she really covered my butt yesterday when I was swamped! I sure was lucky to have her around...Do you know where the hand held thermometer is?
  9. by   rn/writer
    Quote from EmerNurse
    I do my VERY best to try to think of one thing that is good or that I like about each person I work with. In some places, it's been difficult, and luckily in my job now, it's not very hard.

    But having something positive to say, I find, often nips oncoming gossip in the bud:

    Person A: Did you hear that Nurse XYZ got written up for being late AGAIN?

    Person B: Boy she really covered my butt yesterday when I was swamped! I sure was lucky to have her around...Do you know where the hand held thermometer is?
    That's even better than my earlier suggestion. Let's the speaker know that you think kindly of their target and probably won't want to jump on the bashing bandwagon.

    I'm glad you're finding it easier to think of good things about your co-workers in your current job. That, in itself, makes for a more hospitable climate.
  10. by   mauxtav8r
    My favorite tool for getting out of a gossip-fest when I "stepped in" one:

    my watch.

    So, like in the great examples above, a fine and normal conversation takes a turn for the gossipy. I know I've done it, and I've had it done to me. The key to growing as a person is recogizing when this has happened and GET OUTTA THERE FAST.

    So, the gossip starts flowin', or somebody says "She TRIES to be a good nurse, BLESS HER HEART!!", then you, with whatever degree of alarm you deem appropriate, look at the watch on your arm and say "Oh, I gotta go."

    No explanation necessary, you didn't lie, you didn't offend. Conversation over.
  11. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from mercyteapot
    It doesn't seem to me to be less small of spirit to sit up on a high horse and judge another's behavior by using pejorative terms than it is to engage in gossip.
    Completely agree.
    Last edit by Marie_LPN, RN on Jan 6, '07 : Reason: put mercy's edited quote in place on non-edited one
  12. by   GardenDove
    The irony of this thread is the fact that it appears to me to be a self-congratulatory mutual admiration society, populated by obviously morally superior beings, who relish discussing the faults and deficits of others with scathing terms and descriptions.
  13. by   mercyteapot
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    Completely agree.
    Hmmm... I hope you still agree after I edit this to say I don't consider it any LESS small of spirit....which is what I meant to say...

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