How do you work with a ***** ???

Doc · Feb 3, 2001

There's usually one of those on every ward, but you know, no-one wants to be bitchy. They just come out that way because they can't cope with all the stress they have in that particular time. But you really snapped too last time you worked with her and told her you didn't want to hear anything she had to say. That is just as bad! So in a stressful situation, the added stress of having her flip out made you flip out and act in kind.

If you want to gain your manager's respect, find a way to work with this person. Don't let her remarks get to you. Ignore it to start of with, let her feel listened to, and when she has calmed down tell her "you know, I don't like the way you talked to me earlier. You could have just..." and suggest a more appropriate way she could have let her concerns be known.

Also, write an account of this conversation and her behaviour down in a notebook. If you have any more problems with her or witness her being hostile to someone else, write this down as well. If your conversation doesn't change her behaviour towards you and you have several incidents documented in a notebook, THEN go to your manager, and he/she will take it a LOT more seriously and to your favour.

Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

Julie, RN · Feb 3, 2001

Do what I do....

Write her up! This behavior is completely unacceptable to me. At my hospital we use non-medical incident reports to deal with this kind of thing. People who are mentally unstable should not be caring for acutely ill patients. By documenting (via an incident report) management will see how unsafe this staff person is. Nurses should not take this kind of treatment from other nurses anymore! I don't care how bad the nursing shortage is, I say boot them out of the profession, they just give us a bad name!

Just venting...

Good luck this weekend and don't forget about the incident report option

soundsLikesirens · Feb 3, 2001

I have already written her up.

"If" I witness more behavior like this - you gotta be kidding!!! "When she has calmed down..." THAT IS MY POINT...the woman doesn't calm down....she stays on perpetual simmer...and no I'm not sorry about what I said to her and I don't consider what I said "just as bad"....I was reining myself in - trying to get her off my back...what I said was very mild compared to the way she was acting. Lots of people are talking about her and I imagine others have written her up...one of the day shift nurses told me that when she (the ***** ) is giving them report; if they so much as ASK A QUESTION she goes ballistic on them. Doc you don't realize the kind of person I am describing. I told one of the other nurses that she is the kind that'll walk in and open fire...I wouldn't put it past her.....I mean, she is OUTTA CONTROL.

jp#1 · Feb 3, 2001

She sounds like a time bomb! Do you think if you documented specific incidents and behaviors of her and presented these observations to your supervisor/manager it would help? I would be concerned that this anger has or will be directed toward a patient. Obviously, it has been directed toward co-workers. Isn't this unprofessional behavior. She definitely has more than a personal disorder; something is really wrong. She needs professional help before she goes postal! Maybe if you present to the powers that be, that her consistent explosive behavior is unsafe for all concerned they will do something. Good luck.

jp#1 · Feb 3, 2001

I made a mistake--meant to say personality disorder!!

Tim-GNP · Feb 3, 2001

Alternatively, you could do what I would do... Show her REALLY who the biggest and baddest P**** really is!

This technique only works if you have a firm handle on your job, and will never need her advice or help with anything [and by the sounds of it, her advice/help would probably be the last thing you needed].

After spending years in management, I have learned that management DOES NOT CARE about the 'petty' and 'juvenile' [i quote from other nursing administration 'professionals' I have worked with] problems of floor nurses. The only interest is that other staff members didn't hear or see whatever, and that it's kept away from patients & visitors.

With that in mind... take her where no one can hear and tell her what a f****** idiot you think she is! Let her know that you think she is a sh**ty nurse and a b****. Furthermore, tell her if she ever speaks to you agaiin that you will break every bone in her f****** body.

I used this technique with another male R.N. whom I worked with many years ago who was burned out of nursing so bad, I'm surprised he didn't leave a trail of ashes as he walked down the hall! I would have preferred to have bamboo shoved under my finger and toe nails rather than work with him. I DREADED work... until that fateful night. I got him in the shower room by telling him I had to show him something that was left from day shift. He didn't know what hit him. Until the day he resigned, he never spoke to me again, and when he did-- it was with respect [albeit faked].

Sure... he told the ADON and the DON. I categorically denied it. "IS he crazy?" I asked "Why would he say that?" and then "Did anyone hear me say that?" The answer, of course, was a resounding NO. Ergo, it turned into a case of 'my word against his.' No discipline delivered.

Unprofessional? probably....was I proud that I had to act that way? NO. Would I do it over again? YES. There are some people out there that cannot be reasoned with. They want to know NOTHING about you, and they don't care for or about you. They think that they are right and everyone else is inferior. This is actually the basis of hate crimes. When you consciously decide to stop being the victim, and take control of your own destiny, you will avoid the alternative [popping your lansoprazole 30 mg daily, and going to bed at night with a red wine and some lorazepam].

In cases like this, I think a temporary lapse of professionalism is sometimes needed.

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Tis with our judgements as our watches, none go just alike, yet, each believes his own.

-Alexander Pope

soundsLikesirens · Feb 3, 2001

Tim....sounds like good news to me! You're my kinda guy...but then, great minds do think alike.....

Mijourney · Feb 3, 2001

Hi soundslikesiren. I don't think you CAN work with a *****???. Some other alternatives to consider: You can consider getting a hand held cross and holding it up to her when she approaches you. Can you call someone from pastoral services to perform an emergency exorcism?!kidding, sort of. As another poster wrote, your coworker needs help. She wants attention but she needs help bad, and she needs it now. As you describe her, I can hear her slithering and hissing in the background of your post.

Another approach is finding the time to take her in another room and attempting therapeutics with her like you would with a psych patient (if you feel comfortable doing this). Maybe she needs someone to lend an ear to her about some personal problems she is having. Or, you can take an ally with you and confront her about her behavior and how it affects you and the staff (with spirits like this, it may take more than one of you to confront her at a time).

nursejanedough · Feb 4, 2001

Tim your response was cracking me up. It is true. Some people (bully's or bullies) need to be taken aside and just let them have it. I have had to confront two bullies in my life. The first one, I prayed and prayed for this person and tried to befriend them. They warmed up a little and then quit. The next time, I prayed and prayed and this person still was dreadful. I finally let her have it (without any expletives, tho) and she was respectful of me, after that, (and she was my supervisor)! I love your response, Tim. It reminds me of my union hero father.

leslie :-D · Feb 4, 2001

Tim,

I like your style. Actually I love it!!! As nurses and in every day life, we need to communicate to people at all levels, don't we? Way to go my friend.

Tim-GNP · Feb 4, 2001

I am glad that I can amuse as well as inform. The sad thing is that there are a small handful of nurses out there who have NO business living in our society [they should be with the wolves]- let alone caring for those in need. No matter how busy we get at work, we always have a minute or two to affirm each other's efforts. People who try to be counter-productive just don't need to be there.

Remember, we don't have to 'like' each other, but we do have to RESPECT each other.