Hey Youda...check this out!!!!

  1. Oh wow...as many or at least a few of you know,my sister is employed in a very hateful hospital...that's the nicest way I can put it... I was told by one of her fellow employees that one of her charge nurses was going about asking if anyone had smelled alcohol on my twin...I have visited and printed off everything that I could find on "bullying"...I have been so MAD!!!! My sis is the more calm of us and seems to think that the rumor was started by jealousy and will die on its own....no fuel for the fire ya know... she does not drink, never has, but loves that hand cleaner that is alcohol based...she says she will give them urine, blood whatever they ask...I on the other hand am ready to call a lawyer...defamation of character,you know...I am so very ready to set a legal precedent but sis will not go along wth me...she laughs about the situaton...I am getting applications from other hospitals for her...I am just flabberghasted that this crap goes on in the midst of a nursing shortage...
    She is such a knowledgeable, caring nurse...
    Can any of you help me get my anger under control??? I know I am emotionally involved because we are so close,but I would be getting involved if it were any of my co-workers...it just so happens we are twins...she took the phone book away from me last night while I was looking for lawyers...I AM SO MAD I COULD SPIT BUT WOULD SPIT SO MUCH I WOULD BECOME DEHYDRATED!!!!
    ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
    Thanks for listening to my latest rant !!!!
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  2. 16 Comments

  3. by   sjoe
    Try aerobics.
  4. by   sanakruz
    Call an attorney. Then call human resourses and tell them youve spoken with an attorney beacause you are concerned about a slanderous remark, because thats what it is and its not ok-( really call an attorney because i'm pretty damn sure about what i'm saying but hey I'm not an attorney) And where is Youda?
  5. by   Youda
    You folks are funny! :chuckle It's nice to be missed when I don't get online very much for a day or two, though. :kiss

    I think I would first want to confront the nurse manager. Obviously some nitwit went running into her office and made a complaint. Then NM is perpetuating the rumour by running around asking everyone about it. So, you've got at least two people who need some talking to.

    The NM might just be trying to do her job, and the person who reported it may be expressing a legitimate concern. If someone wrote here at allnurses that they were smelling alcohol on a coworker, we'd tell them to go report to the NM, wouldn't we?

    The problem here, I think, is that it's not true. And, the NM is unwittingly spreading the rumour as she tries to investigate the complaint. I don't think I'd go into her office full of denials. But, I would ask her why she hadn't discussed it with me in the first place. I would want to know from the NM why she was so willing to give the complaint any validity, why she has such a low opinion of me and my work that she felt she even needed to investigate it without talking with me first. I would also be very, very direct and specific with her that her investigation methods were spreading the rumour and causing problems on the floor. I would also demand to have a meeting with the NM and the person who made the complaint in the first place (NM's rarely do this because they LIKE people coming into their office and telling them stuff so they don't have to get out on the floor and know what's going on out there!)

    If that doesn't resolve it, I'd go up the ladder. At that point, be prepared for the next highest management person to already be firmly behind the NM, whether or not they've heard the rumour or not. But, you might get lucky and find someone who is willing to listen.

    I'd document everything that's said. If I had my life to live over, I'd carry a little voice-activated tape recorder in my pocket.

    One incident won't point to bullying. Two or three of them will, though. The biggest problem is that this all goes on behind your back, and by the time you become aware there's a smear campaign going on, every one of your co-workers have been poisoned against you as well as everyone up the ladder. Try to get it resolved and stopped at the beginning. The only cure for this is to be assertive and stick up for your rights. Silence and tolerance just makes it worse. Without opposition, bullies and rumours take on a life of their own, and if not stopped, will eventually cause your sis to lose her job.

    Be sure and keep a journal. You might need it later.
  6. by   sjoe
    It would not be either appropriate or useful for the original poster of this thread to call an attorney, talk to the NM, etc. Nothing happened to her and she has no legal claims regarding this matter whatever. It's really none of her business, which is why I answered her question about how to handle her pent-up anger by suggesting aerobics.

    The suggestions above, however, would be useful for the person who actually experienced the slander or whatever she wants to call it. If she doesn't care enough, or thinks her twin is making a mountain out of a molehill, then she'll do nothing proactive about it, and rightly so.

    As my late mother used to say: "Keep your nose on your own face."

    IMHO.

    (Youda--you didn't realize that you had a fan club, did you?)
  7. by   diddywah
    yeah baby...I can deal with a voice activated recorder...I can ask sister to keep a journal...I am earnestly trying to behave myself and restrain the natural urge to protect her from these evil ppl. She is more restrained than I have ever been...I would have already made a point to confront the buggers...but then we have always had a problem with the differences in our personalities...
    I must persuade her to become more assertive...
    Thank you all for your replies...
    Youda...you are sorely missed when not posting for a day or two..

    And sjoe, I am more than aerobicized...perhaps being overly concerned about this incident is just in my nature as the aggressive side of twindom...
    I can only offer support and encouragement to her in this moment of trial by fire...she must do her own footwork and brainwork...I realize this, it is very clear. She is very concerned about the rumors because we have seen many a person's reputation destroyed by "talk" of those who are ignorant of the damage they can do. 'nuff said....
    see yall in the hinterlands.
    Last edit by diddywah on Oct 31, '02
  8. by   Q.
    In reading all of the responses here, sjoe's comments struck me. Just what recourse does another adult have in such a situation involving another independent adult of sound mind?

    For example: say I relayed this event to a friend, and the friend is angry about it as the original poster is about it. Does this friend have authority to act on my behalf, by contacting my NM or an attorney? Is that even appropriate?

    I think sjoe made some valid points that should be looked at seriously. Contacting the NM on your twin's behalf without your twin's permission might prove to be more detrimental than helpful.
  9. by   Youda
    I don't think diddywah meant she was going to act FOR her sister, but looking for information to GIVE her sister. diddywah made it clear in the original post that she wanted to help, but backed away when the sister asked her to. We all get frustrated when we see someone we care about hurting or being mistreated, or feel that there is some unfairness about for them. If you had as close of a relationship with someone, such as the unique bond between twins, could you just shrug your shoulders and say, 'well, they're an adult,' and not have a desire to do something or help in someway? Of course not. So, please don't get down on diddywah for feeling what she feels.

    Most of us have been a victim (target) of rumours, and they are very destructive. Sometimes doing nothing is the right thing to do. Sometimes you gotta speak up and fight. We can offer our advice, but on this board, I'd like to think that it's UNDERSTOOD that it's just free advice, and in the end, the person asking the questions is responsible for their own actions, and dealing with the consequences. This is just a place to come to get ideas and a non-involved perspective. Please don't read more into it than that, folks.
  10. by   abrenrn
    Seems I can't keep promises about not posting. Came to this thread when I saw it was directed at Youda - who always makes sense to me.

    Something similar happened to me. I had moved to Florida, was working on a small unit. For some reason, a new graduate (hey, I had two years experience so I guess I was an old-timer but, I swear, I have never dined on new grads) went after me. I never knew why. I don't think I ever said anything mean to her or about her, I was impressed that she was starting her career in a semi crtical care environment.

    She never said a word to me about having problems with me. She began writing incident reports. I've always felt that an incident was when something actually happened to a patient, visitor or staff. Not everyone feels that way.

    One report was because I had not picked up an order the MD wrote sometime during my shift. Hey, tell me about it, I'll apologize. But, the med was given on time, no problem with the patient.

    I wouldn't have had time to write an incident report about such a trivial thing. (I know, there are those of you out there who think an unpicked up order is never a trivial thing, whether it impacts the patient or not. I respect your opinion. Mine is different, though I think it is the definition of "incident" unless the definition has been expanded).

    One report was rather upsetting. I have benign essential tremor; my head shakes, I'm not sure when it started but it started before I even went to nursing school Stress can make tremor worse. While I was at that hospital I finally sought treatment because when I tried to take blood pressures, the stethescope would fly off the patient's arm with a bad tremor. People kept thinking I was saying no to them.

    One day I was called into the manager's office. An incident report had been received describing shaking hands, appears fatigued (at end of 12 hr night shift), etc. Basically questioning my competency. I don't know how she saw my hand shaking past my head - a lot more noticible - but she did. Funny, though, she never even bothered asking me if I was OK, if there was a problem.

    The manager took it seriously, left me practically crying - my head shakes, I'm getting it fixed, have I done anything to hurt a patient, at all? Have my notes been bad, has any of my work suffered? Well, no. Still.

    Fortunately there was no further counseling. I left there pretty quickly though.

    I'm not sure of the answer. Yes it is slanderous. Who is sandering? The fellow nurse. Who is bothering to listen? The manager. If I ran the universe, I would have told the new nurse that both incident reports were inappropriate as she was not reporting an incident and there are other, less paper-y ways to address such concerns. My manager didn't.

    In retrospect, I would have requested "the counseling" to include my accuser, whose name was on the report. I think this would have led to appropriate embarrassment as I could have asked her,in front of the manager, "why did you not ask me when you were there?"

    I don't know the answer to this stuff. A nurse with a chip on her shoulder of some sort uses the incident reporting system to go after another nurse and the manager addresses it as if an incident has occurred.

    After I left the hospital, I worked with a nursing student who worked on the same unit part time as a tech. He said it was kind of funny, he'd come in in the morning, the two night shift nurses would be filling out incident reports about each other. He called it "dueling with incident reports."
  11. by   Youda
    I'm not a total push over. Sometimes I actually decide to get nasty back. One place I worked, one of the nurses was always filing some kind of trivial incident report on me. I decided that if her work was so so so perfect, then she didn't have anything to fear from me. But, if she made one teeny error, I was going to be there to find it. I hate being that kind of person, but sometimes enough is enough, you know?

    Finally, the NM called us both into her office. Gave us each one of those nerf baseball bats. She stood up to leave and told us to whack each other silly, but when we came out of her office, we'd better stop writing each other up. I just laughed and threw my nerf bat at the nurse who'd started it all. I told the NM that I didn't need to whack the other nurse anymore, I'd proved my point.
  12. by   abrenrn
    Why didn't the NM do something earlier? Why did she wait until you responded in kind? She knew it was silly then. She did not figure it out before?

    Just curious.
  13. by   Youda
    Like they all do, whoever gets to the NM first is telling the "truth" and the poor schmuck who's getting flamed is the last to know. Does anyone have a NM who suspends judgment until AFTER they hear both sides of the story?
  14. by   abrenrn
    Sadly, no.

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