I'm a relatively new nurse, graduated with my BSN in June 2001. Went straight to the ICU of a 900 bed hospital on midnights. Did ok, midnights darned near killed me, though. Stayed a year, took some time off to take care of my Dad and after my Dad passed away in Sept., went to the ICU of a very small community hospital. Thought I was doing ok except when it came time to be pulled to stepdown...Jesus, 6 patients?!? It happened last week, except this was a disaster!!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't focus!!! My assignment changed halfway through the shift and I couldn't keep anything straight!!!!!! Result? Not one, not two, but four patients with meds not given!!!! Asked to come in to work the next day to talk...not good. At the end of the talk, I'm in tears. My manager put me off work for the weekend, says someone will contact me...told her I had some thinking to do. Am I really nurse material??? I try to be as careful and diligent as I possibly can, but when I can't find the chart, I can't get into the computer cause my password won't work, I have to go to a pixis to get EVERYTHING, including gauze and kleenex...tried explaining this to manager, she simply says, "you didn't ask for help, did you?" "No, you didn't" She's right, I didn't.
Am I alone when I say it drives me absolutely crazy to work in a place that doesn't even have a copy machine on the floor? There are no medical supplies at all kept in any patient room, the break room has no spoons, no forks, usually no coffee, no wastebasket....ya see? I am totally hung up the the organizational aspects of this place. I just feel to discombobulated!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hence, I fell apart!
What the hell is wrong with me that I can't keep 6 stepdown patients straight?
Ok, I've said all that, now I am seriously thinking about homecare (am I even qualified?). It seems like I may have some degree of control over my environment...maybe? What about surgery? Now that has always appealed to me...any surgical nurses out there with any advice?
I am a very hard worker, usually get way too involved helping out my co-workers, but that's usually ok. I do like people, but I really crave order!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ya know what? Maybe the Hallmark store down the street is hiring...oh, yes, I don't have to work full-time, even though I'm not married and don't have children, I do live pretty cheaply...
Any advice from anyone is so appreciated
The lil nurse who could...or used to think so, anyway....
Jan 19, '03
How about going back to a larger, more organized hospital? Someplace you just have to come in, do your job, and leave... without all the chasing down of supplies, etc.
I'm overly organized myself, so I can sympathize. ((hugs))
Maybe you're having some post-traumatic problems since your dad died. Symptoms like you're describing, dealing with "simple" daily issues that at one time prior to the death were no problem at all suddenly seem overwhelming... Lots of change in your life this past year... think about it, maybe see a counselor???
Last edit by NurseWeasel on Jan 19, '03