Help I am loosing my mind - page 4

I am really frustrated with my nursing career. So much so that I decided to go abck to school and study something unrelated to the medical field. I ahve been bullied, harrassed, given harder... Read More

  1. by   canoehead
    i for one would welcome a clique, but no one will have me. (sob)
  2. by   CATHYW
    How about managers who incite unrest among their staff? I have had that happen, and the same one played favorites, too. She picked a young female, and a young male as her favorites. These folks were always hanging out in her office, chit-chatting, while we were working. The female had more seniority than most of us (that should tell a lot about staff turnover) and the male was junior to almost everyone. I was in line for a 7a-7p job. the male and I both worked 11a-11p-killer shift. I was over 1 year senior to him. The manager kept putting off the switch due to "staffing." I went on a scheduled vacation, came back, and the tech asked what I thought about ------ getting the 7a-7p job. That is how I found out. I went to the manager to ask why I should have found out from the tech. She apologized, said that she should have told me herself. No duh! As far as giving the male the position that was mine due to seniority (the way things went around there, routinely), she said he was "better suited to it, but that she would give me the next one that came open," and she did. I didn't push it because I was used to everything there-Drs., other staff, etc., and in a way it seemed petty to leave over something like that.
    Another time this manager asked what I did on my days off-I told her I enjoyed being at home (I was single), and that I spent a good bit of time at the Fire Dept. (she knew I was a volunteer FF First Responder.) She said that "some of us were talking the other day, and we think you need a social life." I thanked her for her concern (!) and ended the conversation.
    When I married (2nd time) I had planned to work my day shift on a Friday, and go to Pigeon Forge, TN the next day to be married. We were planning to keep our marriage quiet for a while, because there were all kinds of things going on in our families, so i didn't mention it at work. This manager tells me that she has reassigned me to work 7P-7A that Friday night, because a personal friend of hers had agreed to work to fill staffing vacancies if he could work DAYS! So, she moved me, and gave him my regular scheduled day shift! I worked the night shift, went home, slept for 2 hrs., got up, drove for 4 hours, and got married! 3 mos later, when I posted an announcement on my locker, several nurses that I worked for wanted to give me a shower. She told me that she told them they could not do it, because I didn't tell them of the marriage when it first happened! I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, I no longer work for the woman. She is still in place, however!
  3. by   VAC
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by canoehead
    [B]I for one would welcome a clique, but no one will have me. [CO

    Let's start our own clique!
  4. by   JennieBSN
    .
    Last edit by JennieBSN on Dec 8, '01
  5. by   CATHYW
    kday, where were you, 5 years ago, when I needed you? We could've made mincemeat of this woman, working as a tag team! LOL!
    Thanks for the support-this is the first time I have told that story to anyone other than my family.
  6. by   Mkue


    kday,

    Thanks for giving us HOPE !! At least you have given me HOPE, all is not doom and gloom. There are so many areas of nursing to go into, so one does not have to be stuck in a lion's den.

    Thanks again for the encouragement !

    mkue
  7. by   nsmith_rn
    I thank you all for your support and I am listening.
    I think that I am goig to fight back, find another position in the hospital and make my work life the best that it can be.
    I love nursing...... but ......
    this is not a place that I can work forever.....


    thanks for helping me keep my sanity

  8. by   CATHYW
    Atta girl! They may get you down, but not out! I am glad to hear that you have strengthened your resolve, and have decided to regroup. We nurses, by definition, have to be strong, supportive people. The fly in the ointment is, we just never manage to get around to giving ourselves what we need. I'm not saying a me first attitude is what we need, but a "me too" never hurts!
    Best of luck to you, and keep that chin up!
  9. by   cargal
    Cathy,
    We must have had the same manager! I believe that this kind of behavior is rooted in feelings of low self esteem and hence, jealousy on the part of the perpetrators. The target is usually self-confident , reliable, intelligent etc. Another poster once posted this informative site on this phenomenon which is called horizontal abuse- or bullying. I will repost this site and I highly recommend it. Go to :http://www.successunlimited.co.uk/bully/bully.htm for more information.
    My one regret is that I did not confront my abusers before I quit. They robbed me of a job I loved. I wish that I had proof and legal recourse. These dregs continue to submit their control over others. That is their goal- to control or eliminate.
    I feel that any manager should be trained and informed on this negative behavior. It must be one of the main reasons for staff turnover.
    Good Luck , and go gettum!
    Carrie
    Last edit by cargal on Oct 30, '01
  10. by   Cubby
    Originally posted by nsmith_rn
    I am really frustrated with my nursing career. So much so that I decided to go abck to school and study something unrelated to the medical field.
    I ahve been bullied, harrassed, given harder assingments then others and forced to work with nurses that are not willing to out in their fair share of work.
    I am so sick of nursing and the unprofessionalism that it has to offer. I am ready to go back to waiting tables....... I was treated better then
    Can anyone offer any advice on how to cope with this behavior until I am able to finish my new degree plan?????
    Help I am loosing my mind
    I know that we, as nurses "eat our own" and it is one of the worst problems in nursing today. A really great, competent RN that I work with got a promotion to DON. And it has all of a sudden become a different game. We have time to do all the things she did'nt have time for when she was a floor nurse.
    New forms appear as if by magic on a daily basis. It is like she is punishing us for her promotion!
    I do not understand it, but I have seen it before and will probably see again. All I know is that there is nothing else I could do,not because of competence but because I love nursing. I will have to learn to live with other peoples self-esteem issues because "they" are not going to drive me off.
  11. by   KelleyRn
    I'm sorry to have to read about these nurse managers from hell. Even though I'm stressed on the job, I'm glad that I haven't had to deal with the situation yet. I worked with this great nurse manager for a year I could talk to her about almost anything and she listened. Unfortuately I moved out of state, and the nurse superivisors I have now are nice, and will try to help me out but I have this shady feeling. Hopefully I won't have to deal with it, but than I'd be wishful thinking.

    Okay since I'm still fairly new to this career I have a few questions for the veterans. I believe I'm a good nurse, and I want to be the best I can be, but I'm still trying to build my confidence only to feel shot down over and over again by nurses and doctors. Than I think twice about nursing. Sometimes I feel that others look at me as a "mess" and even though some say "I"m doing fine" I feel they are stabbing behind my back, than there are others that look at me and I just know what they are thinking. DOes anyone ever feel that way and what can I do about it? I've talked about it with one of my leaders, but that was a mistake she was better friends with the one I had a minor problem with.

    2nd ?. I started a new hospital job 6mos ago and I had signed a contract with them. WEll, the unit I work for I thought I would like it and wanted to give it a try; only to come to terms that I'm rethinking my decision. Its very stressful, and I don't deal with high stress situations very well. Well now I'm with the company for more than a year and if I decide to leave than theres a chance I won't be able to work for the hospital anymore as a consequence to breaking the contract. Unfortunately its a specialized area. I'm torn, does anyone feel the same way or any advice to give. I don't want to give up, but I don't want to lose my sanity. I think "one day at a time", but it doesn't seem to help.

    THanks for listening..Stay strong. K
  12. by   VAC
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by KelleyRn
    [B]Okay since I'm still fairly new to this career I have a few questions for the veterans. I believe I'm a good nurse, and I want to be the best I can be, but I'm still trying to build my confidence only to feel shot down over and over again by nurses and doctors. Than I think twice about nursing. Sometimes I feel that others look at me as a "mess" and even though some say "I"m doing fine" I feel they are stabbing behind my back, than there are others that look at me and I just know what they are thinking. DOes anyone ever feel that way and what can I do about it? I've talked about it with one of my leaders, but that was a mistake she was better friends with the one I had a minor problem with.

    Been there, done that. It takes time and experience to build confidence, no way around that. I'd start with putting the focus on what you think of yourself rather than what others think of you. Ask questions appropriately, find good resource people and use them and whatever other resources are at your disposal. Stick your nose in everything and learn as much as you can. Go home and read up on whatever new med or disease you dealt with that day. Educate yourself. I'm a nurse for 6 years and rare days go by that I don't learn something. If we think we know it all, we are in trouble and so are the patients. I'm much more
    frightened by the loud overconfident nurses who THINK they know
    everything. Oh yeah, and keep coming to this bulletin board, the support I've gotten has been phenomenal.
  13. by   OneChattyNurse
    Kelley,
    I work at a VA in Iowa. When I was hired, I received a $3000 sign on bonus as they are having a hard time recruiting LPN's. I have to stay there for 2 years to fulfill my obligation for getting the sign on. I have to say this has to be the worst place I have ever worked and as soon as I can find something else I plan to leave. I have been there a year the 2nd of October and will have to pay back half of the money but it will be well worth it to me. I have never worked with so many lazy, backstabbing, rude people in my life. I know this sounds harsh, but I swear it is true. I work on a LTC unit where we have between 8-10 staff caring for them. Most of the people I work with have NEVER even worked in the private sector. They have NO idea how easy they have it. They complain LOUDLY at all the work they have to do for their SIX OR SEVEN assigned patients. It absolutely amazes me how these people treat our patients and they are our Veterans for heavens sakes. Anyway...I am sorry for my tangent..but I just wanted to let you know that from my point of view...you need to be happy and secure where you are. If you can get away from it at all I would suggest getting out of a bad environment, even if it means breaking a contract. I hate to see anyone burn any bridges...but you have to think of yourself too!!!!

    Shari

    P.S. Good luck to you whatever you decide!!!

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Help I am loosing my mind