help

  1. hello, i am in desperate need of help, advice, whatever-- i have just started a new job about three weeks ago-- moved with the barest essentials-- things were going ok until wednesday night my husband came to get me from work-- five minutes on the way home-- we get pulled over-- of course my husband gets driving on suspended license and illegal tags-- goes to jail and finds out that there is a warrant on him in another county for child support which he did not know about-- so in the meantime my car is towed leaving me without a way to get home-- i live 22 miles from work-- fortunately a girl a work is loaning me a car for transportation and i canget to work now-- but the problems i am having could be affecting my skills as a nurse and i don't want to lose my job-- my husband has $470 in fines here then he will get transported to the other county for the other deal, i will have to pay the 470 fine, then yesterday the place where i still have my belongings decides to start calling and harrassing me because i called them and told them that i would be moving out-- they want 300 to fill a propane gas tank before they will let me have my stuff--they are calling me at home and at work-- i broke down and cried yesterday at work-- hadn't slept much in three days or eaten either-- my rent on this little place will be due on the first-- my dad is being put in a nursing home out of state next week-- oh my god how much more can i take? i am a good nurse-- am very dedicated to my job and have worked hard for 18 years and will continue to do so-- what do i do-- i don't want to go homeless or loose my job because of all this mess-- any suggestions will be appreciated-- by the way i can't afford to go to the doctor because i have no insurance-- anyway thanks so much for letting me vent-- it helps to get it out
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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   Mary Dover
    ((((tigger)))) - sounds like too much at once for you dear.
    "but the problems i am having could be affecting my skills as a nurse" you said.
    Looks to me like you've been a nurse for a long time, I doubt what you're going through will affect your skills, but I have NO doubt that it is affecting your emotional state and therefore your ability to work at your best capacity. Big difference there so don't make matters worse by selling yourself short - please.
    Do you have any leave time you could use? May help just to get yourself regrouped and recharged. Always here to listen if needed. Please take care of yourself.
    Mary
  4. by   Peeps Mcarthur
    Been there, done that.

    Taking responsibility for your actions past and present will make you feel better even though it seems you will be left penniless.

    There are meals that are just a few dollars if you think about it.
    Public transportation, Public assistance. Those don't seem to apply to you. The fact is that you said you have been an LPN for 15 years. You probably make too much income for assistance, in fact, if you think about it you're probably just like the rest of us. You have just been living beyond your means and you have to come to grips with the fact that poor decisions and irresponsible use of your income has lead you kicking and screaming to this point. I've been where you are on several occassions in my past. Letting a bill go to buy a meal out or getting the brakes on my car fixed. Everyone owes money to someone sometime.

    Just bite-the-bullet and decide right now how you're going to distribute your paychecks. It's no time to be falling any further into the slow spiral to nowhere. It's a time for change.

    Write down how much income and when. Then list your debts of greatest need. Before you make any payment or spend any money review that list.
    Offer the guy with your stuff half now and give him the date of the paycheck after that. Show them your paystub or your employment acceptance. Don't fall into the trap of being pissed at them and ruin the possibility of getting a deal all they want is for you to show that you're taking responsibility. For them to go to so much trouble to harass you sounds like they don't think you'll pay them back. If you offer them half now or next paycheck and show them your plan for repaying all your debts with dates and all maybe they'll give you a few essentials or all your stuff in return for your willingness to show you intend to pay.

    The old expression "You can't get blood out of a turnip" comes to mind. Your the turnip. They can't just squeeze you harder and expect to get paid. It's unrealistic for you to try to shoulder all the crap that your getting. Just accept the fact that YOU are responsible and YOU are going to make a plan RIGHT NOW and it's going to involve great sacrifice on your part. YOU are going to make something change that your in control of.

    Make a plan, then you'll see an end result. You'll be able to visualize an end to it. You'll see yourself making a positive thing happen moving forward.

    Don't swallow your pride now. Embrace it. These outside influences on your mental state are not victimizing you. You are.

    You're intelligent enough and had the perseverance to get through nursing school and pass the NCLEX and your gonna let some bills bug you? You can work under the conditions that nurses do everyday and still care for people and help them heal and eat and go to the commode but you don't have anything left for you?
    Now get it down on paper and see it for what it is.
  5. by   micro
    too much at once.........
    your nursing skills won't suffer,
    but yes, if you have time to take, give yourself a day away from work and the worries.........they will still be there.............
    anytime,
  6. by   kids
    OK, deep breath time...(and a big hug)

    Screw the taking responsability and biting the bullet stuff for right now, you know you have lost control of your life, you don't need to be told that. Acknowledge it and deal with it later (but do deal with it), right this minute is not the time for self exploration.

    Time to stop reacting and start acting.

    Time to get just a little bit p**sed at the whole situation.

    Deal with the things you do have control over, and exercise that control.

    Husband-don't pay the $470 (I know, this is the really hard part), check with the county...I'l bet he can 'sit out the fine' at X dollars per day, trust me...if another county wants him the one he is in is not going to keep him from them. He needs to get a public defender...not the greatest choice I know, but this not a murder charge. Deal with the situation in the next county when the time comes.

    Get your car out of impound, the fees just build by the day.
    Pay your rent.

    Your stuff...you have to know people where you just moved from...call them, get a few friends together and go to the place where your stuff is, be prepared to move it (even into a public storage), call the police and ask for civil standby, that this person is holding your belongings.

    I know how you feel-my life went to s**t a couple of weeks ago too, thankfully, one step at a time, one issue at a time, it is coming back under control.

    -nancy
  7. by   mario_ragucci
    Time for a systems check!! You still have navigation, and you still have internal power. Keep those systems running. You still have "look ahead" capabilities. Keep that system going too :-) To keep these vital systems operating with full power, drink plenty of water, eat smart, and get sleep. Don't allow these systems to crash due to an avoidable internal error.

    One thing at a time, in order of importance. Communicate to your property manager about your situation and see if they will work with you. They understand these things happen, and will usually work with you and through this, if you communicate right away.

    I'd let your husband deal with his problems - it's not fair to you, tiger sassy. You may, understandably, consider a jettison at this time, in order to maintain altitude. You can land and pick him up later.

    Communicate with your Dad, tell him you have some problems going on, and he would be proud of you and the way you are handling them. You'll feel good after you talk to him :-)

    Just be cool, and keep your internal systems functioning. Sorry for the technical approach, but, you may need to separate yourself from this strife by such a mental outlook. Your in a storm, but you have not crashed. I'll be thinking of you!
  8. by   whipping girl in 07
    This is going to sound harsh, but here goes: leave your husband sitting in jail. Why should YOU bail him out when HE is the one driving on a suspended license and with illegal tags? Did you know that he was doing this, and if you did, why were you putting up with it? Three or four years ago, I got pulled over and picked up for driving on a suspended license; my husband DID bail me out of jail, but we had the money to pay for it. He did not know my license was suspended (neither did I; I thought I had paid a ticket but the check never cleared the bank, it probably got lost in the mail or something, but anyway...). You should not have to become HOMELESS to get him out of jail! And don't even get me started on the child support thing. He may not have known there was a warrant for his arrest for back child support, but he DAMN WELL knew he owed it. And since I'm assuming you knew he had children, did you know he was not paying child support? Or have you been supporting him so he doesn't have any income for them to take? I don't know whose idea it was to move, but it makes me wonder if he was wanting to move so they would not find him to MAKE him pay it. I hope and pray that you do not have children with this man, or he will leave you owing you child support too. I feel very bad for you that you are in such a situation, but there are some things you can do to make it better. Depending on the laws in your state, you may or may not be able to get your car back without paying his fines. If you can get it back (assuming it's in your name), do so, and at least you will have a way to get back and forth to work. You are very fortunate that you met a person in your new town who was willing to let you borrow a car since you haven't known her for very long. Me personally, I'm not that trusting. Go back to your old town (if its not too far away) on your day off and get your stuff, put it in storage if you have to. You can rent a u-haul for $20-40 a day and some of the storage unit places around here have a truck they will lend you to move your stuff in if you rent from them. Pay your landlord what you can toward filling the propane tank; did you have a security deposit with them, can they use it to fill the tank? If you don't have the money to do any of this you may just have to learn a very difficult lesson by losing all your stuff. It sounds like you really couldn't afford to move and you didn't really plan on paying what you owe. I hope you can find a way to get out of this mess, and learn enough from it that it does not happen again. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, maybe you can get in touch with him and at least let him know that you are thinking of him even if you can't be with him. I may sound like a huge grump by writing this, but I assume you want some answers that will help you, not just people to feel sorry for you.
  9. by   mustangsheba
    I agree with the other posts that right now you need to take care of yourself, your job, and your personal responsibilities. If you had a bucket of money, you could afford to bail out your husband. Right now, you can't, and it shouldn't be first on your list. Frankly, he sounds pretty irresponsible and you shouldn't have to take the fall with him. It won't do either of you any good if you go under. So let him figure it out for himself. If he has anything going for him, he won't want you to jeopardize your new job. I see that as your priority. If you don't have a job, you are SOL. You can't take care of anything else if you don't have money. Also, it's important for your self esteem. So do what ever you can to keep your job, and as Mario said, take care of your health. Use the other good advice here, one step and one day at a time. Good luck.
  10. by   live4today
    Been there, done that at one point in me life...I agree with those telling you to:

    (1) Leave your husband in jail for now. At least he has a roof over his head, a pot to piss in, a cot and a blanket to catch some zzzzzzzes, and three square meals a day. HE'S DOING FINE FOR NOW! And, he's in "good dependable hands"!!!

    (2) Your FIRST priority is keeping your head above water! Get your car out of hock. You need it for transportation! Work and find a place that is reasonable in rent for YOU to live in. If hubby comes home, he can sleep where there's room, but you need to first meet YOUR needs right now!

    (3) Get friends to help you move, or find a storage place near where those movers are and have your stuff put in storage while you find a place for you to live, and buy an air mattress to sleep on until you have the money to have your stuff delivered.

    (4) As for dear old dad, I know you love him, and care about him. Those are wonderful qualities to have, but your father wouldn't want his baby girl homeless, now would he? So, let the nurses at the nursing home tend to his needs until YOU are okay with yourself again. Call him on the phone and check on him, reassuring him that you'll travel to see him as soon as the opportunity is right. He WILL understand, that is if he is a good daddy!

    (5) If all else fails, go to a homeless shelter, and stay there until you can financially work out your problems enough to move out.

    (6) Before you go homeless, email me! I'll do what I can to help you out! (((HUGS))) and :kiss You're in my prayers tonight!
    Last edit by live4today on Mar 24, '02

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