Heartbroken

[RainMom]

Home from a short 4-hr shift (followed a 3p-3a RN) & emotionally drained. It's probably a good thing I'm off the next 3 nights.

I was assigned to care for my HS band instructor. I had already known she was on the floor & had general details from my charge report the previous night, so I had tried to mentally prepare myself in case I would be her nurse. She had an early & rapid onset of dementia. It was only about 4-5 yrs ago, my husband & I saw her at a local restaurant & spoke with her. She even acted as though she recognized my husband, although it was obvious she was not her old self anymore. At this point, she is non-verbal, contracted, incontinent & was in for surgical debridement of a wound. I managed to keep myself from crying while giving care & it helped that my charge nurse tonight was also a former band student who completely understood as we turned & changed her together.

This incredible lady was so much much more than a teacher. She's a hero & celebrity in our small rural community. We have a street named after her. She's known to everyone by her nickname which I made sure to call her this morning, hoping to see a spark in her eye. We had a song that we band members would sing in praise of her after a tough rehearsal or after a big competition win (& there were many!). In my time, people literally came to the football games to see the band rather than the game. There was no such thing as a band geek; 1/3 of the school was a band member (230 members during my freshman year). There is an annual scholarship in her name for music ed majors which I am proud to say my oldest son was awarded the first one given.

I just about broke down when trying to give report as I was just trying to give a little history & background for her. I can't imagine what a wreck I would be if I had had to work the full 8 hr shift. I am just sooo sad about this! I had already known she was bad & in our local NH. Like I said, this is a small rural community; everybody knows everybody. With that said, there's no way I can even talk to my husband about what a tough morning it was without him guessing who I'm talking about (or just as likely, me breaking down & telling him). If there would happen to be someone from my area reading this, they would know exactly who my pt was.

Although incredibly sad, I am so honored that I did get to care for her. On my drive home, it occurred to me to donate to her scholarship fund or just for her general welfare. I know her POA; not well personally, but my son worked for him one summer. He was also involved with the marching band, even up to the past few years when my oldest son was in HS. Would it be appropriate to send a personal note to him with the donation, just indicating the above? How deeply it has touched me to have been her nurse & just to let him know that she had former students who know & love her taking care of her? He's the closest thing she has to family. I had hoped maybe to see him before I left & then could say something to him personally.

Well, this has certainly been long-winded & I doubt I sleep well today (can't breathe through all the snot). Thanks for listening.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

A donation at this point might be a HIPAA conflict unless you send it anonymously. No matter how a note is written, it still says "I know confidential things".

[loriangel14, RN]

Donating would be a lovely idea but I wouldn't mention having cared for her in the hospital.

I can be tough seeing people that meant a lot to you in their declining years.I work in the town I grew up in and I am currently caring for the GP that delivered me. He is a lovely patient with beautiful manners and it is hard to see him bedridden.I feel like I am now returning the favor by ensuring he gets good care now.

[RainMom]

Yeah, HIPAA was my concern, although since this was the POA I wasn't sure. There is a website I can donate at & will probably do that.

[NurseCard, ADN]

Wow... I was a "band geek" too! =) I actually didn't care much for my HS band

director, but I adored my middle school director. He was the world's sweetest and

funniest man, and I can't tell you how heartbroken I would also be if I ever had

to see him in that kind of condition. Thank you for posting.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

It sounds as if she's very near the end of her road. You can make that donation when her obit appears in the paper, and no one will call it a HIPAA violation.