Has Nursing hardened you?

Nurses General Nursing

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ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP

1 Article; 2,594 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.
In my area "dear" is not condescending.. It is a term of endearment.
All areas aren't the same. And her post was very condescending. I do, however, appreciate most of the other posts in this thread.
Specializes in med-tele/ER.
In my area "dear" is not condescending.. It is a term of endearment.

Dear can be condescending IMHO. Not saying it was in this instance because I don't know if it was meant that way.

Also, I notice that people think younger students are texting frequently when they are using their cell phones to look information up. I am orienting a new grad to my floor and she is always on the phone. I asked her if she was concentrating on our assignment and she was using apps looking up drugs, lab values, she had all of her nursing books on her cell phone.

It is a change in culture and this is how the younger generations learn. I don't think it would be appropriate to tell them to put their phones down if they are using the phone for educational purposes.

ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP

1 Article; 2,594 Posts

Specializes in Med-Surg, NICU.

This.My phone has an app that is required to look up meds and disease information. I hate when we are assumed to be texting.

Dear can be condescending IMHO. Not saying it was in this instance because I don't know if it was meant that way. Also, I notice that people think younger students are texting frequently when they are using their cell phones to look information up. I am orienting a new grad to my floor and she is always on the phone. I asked her if she was concentrating on our assignment and she was using apps looking up drugs, lab values, she had all of her nursing books on her cell phone. It is a change in culture and this is how the younger generations learn. I don't think it would be appropriate to tell them to put their phones down if they are using the phone for educational purposes.

CompleteUnknown

352 Posts

I don't think nursing has hardened me. Am I the same 18 year old I was when I entered this profession as an ASN? No. The grind of dealing with humanity in all it's uglines and glory has made me less naive but hardened me? NO. Do I think 1 out of seven nurses have a drug or alcohol problem the answer is NO.

Nurses will not molly coddle you. They are not warm and fuzzy all of the time. It's a serious job with human life in the palm of your hand, someone's child, mother, father, brother Aunt or Uncle, that you need to perform perfectly so you don't kill anyone.

They are only trying to prepare you for the harsh reality of our profession that will greet you. Nursing is not rainbows and leprechauns, puppy dog tails and kittens with whiskers. It a dirty, ugly, gut wrenching, emotionally draining, physically challenging, frustrating, disappointing and at times depressive job. But it is equally rewarding, beautiful, fulfilling profession that I have had the honor of participating in for 33 years so far.

There is a huge difference in cleaning someones teeth and someones bottom covered in feces while they fling obcenities (or feses) at your head. See how dealing in dealing with abuse, neglect, tragedy and sorrow is not the dentists office cleaning teeth or soemone with bad breath. People die. Good people die, young people die, children die, infants die and get cancer. People leave to go to the store to get milk and never go home.

Nursing has taught me to appreciate every day. To be thankful for my life and my families life. It has taught me that there really is a GOD. It has taught me to be spiritual. It has taught me to never go to bed angry and to never say anything you don't mean or that you will regret. It has taught me to be sure I tell my family, husband and children that I love them at every chance I can because you don't know if there will be another.

As a 51 year old (gasp) I am sometimes frustrated by the attitude, and lack of commitment/responsibility/ownership of the younger nurses. They don't want the reality of nursing and want everything sugar coated that everything is rainbows and lollipops and are shocked and insulted when they are faced with the reality that life is messy and so is nursing. I think you need to reserve judgement of us "old bats" and our "presumed" tough exteriors for we are only trying to teach you how to survive and be the best nurse you can be. By the way....Put the PHONES DOWN!

I wish you luck and I would like to revisit this subject about 14 months after you graduate and are working full time. I'd like to know how you are perceived by the new students when you are stretched beyond your means and have the responsibility to teach someone that you aren't being paid to teach. To take the time from your day and gently mentor a gum snapping, eye rolling, texting student with patience and grace when you have the responsibility of all your usual patients and have the added responsibility of the student on your license....and see if you always respond with poise and grace.

Your point of view may be different. Peace:paw:

Esme12, if only you knew how much I agree with what you've written and how much I wish I could write as well as you do!

So much for my deeply buried dream of being a writer...... sigh.

PetsToPeople

201 Posts

I was hardened coming in.....

My fathers nickname for me is ROCK

The key is as a nurse you must be soft yet hard both at the same time....

We must be there for the pt in a particular junture in time.....but once that shift is over you put those feathers into your hand and blow a breath of air and send them on their way......

I had a pt go AMA yesterday, he has some real issues and will likely die in a few months without treatment....

When he was in my care I did my best and he and I really connected......

When he packed his stuff and left, I said goodbye, he said goodbye and I went to check on my other patients.......

This whole post is....awesome :bowingpur

Feliz

2 Posts

I come from a family of nurses and I am currently a student nurse. I must say not all nurses are cantankerous and mean - but many are. And thats just the truth. Whereever there are large groups of women there is bound to be meanness, cattiness and all kinds of confusion. I have seen jealousy, backbiting and fierce competition. Nurses icing others out. Jockying for positions. Lying, cheating and cutting corners. (I spent alot of time at the hospitals with my mother as a child, so I have seen alot!) BUT!!! The ones who really love their work and care about the patients are the ones who inspired me. When I see a mean nurse, I am that much more determined to be the warm, caring one. There are many, some whom I have heard personally, who are only in it for the paycheck. Thats probably why they're mean. They don't really like their job. Anyway, why would anyone get defensive by your question if they weren't identified in said question? Maybe they do identify. Because you care, maybe nursing IS for you. You be that example. Or go for the management position and make a difference. If you want to be a nurse for the right reasons, then go for it. Those instructors are just there for you to reach your goal. Nevermind if they like you or not. You do your best and keep moving forward. Good luck!

Feliz

2 Posts

And just in case someone misunderstands what I aid about "large groups of women", don't read more into it than what it is. Cae in point, all of our reality shows with groups of women. What do we see week after week? What was Desperate Housewives about? It is what it is. I'm a woman so I can say that without discrimination. WE can be nasty to one another sometimes. Especially at work. I have been driven to tears working with NURSES. And I have been inspired to tears by NURSES.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B

9 Articles; 4,800 Posts

I wouldn't say I am hardend. But I would say I learned to develop a filter.....

So you are telling me that my instructor and that stats are just lying to the students?

American Nurse Today

This one states approximately 10-15%. "Substance abuse occurs across all generations, cultures, and occupations, including nursing. About 1 in 10, or 10-15% of all nurses, may be impaired or in recovery from alcohol or drug addiction. Although nurses aren't at a higher increase risk than the public sector, their overall pattern of dependency is unique because they have greater access to drugs in the work environment."

1 out of 7 = 14%.

Are you saying this source is lying to? Please do your research before becoming so defensive.

I don't like the tone of this paragraph, particularly the last sentences.

However, considering I've been in and out the field for 1/3 of my life, worker, volunteer...I have a pretty large sample size. Also, seeing one of my PCA friends CRY and call the nurses "cold *******"...what? Are you implying that there is NO such thing as a cold, mean nurse?

And if the nurse didn't like me/someone, he/she still doesn't have a right to be unprofessional. There are some people I don't like either, but I treat them with decency and respect, and don't let my disdain for them show.

When did I state it as fact? I stated it was from my OBSERVATION....read carefully.

And when did I say there aren't any wonderful nurses? In fact, I stated quite the opposite. Again, read carefully before jumping on others.

Thank you very much for this sensible response to HouTx. You properly cited your source of information and effectively defended your post and the motivation for writing it without saying anything in an offensive way, even though you may have been offended by the tone of HouTx's post. You're asking a very pertinent question and seeking honest answers from people who've been there long enough to know the truth. Take heart from knowing that the 'hardening' and toughing up that happens when faced daily with the harshness of a nurse's work environment will not make YOU become a hard, cold person....IF you don't want it to make you that way. You can be tough as nails when necessary yet never, not ever, lose your compassion as a human being for your fellow suffering human beings. I can tell by the things you say that you already have what it takes to make it in this field, and the fact that you're asking such a hard-hitting and poignant question, that says a lot about your character.

angelfood45

4 Posts

Simple question: Has nursing hardened you?

I'm currently a student, and I have noticed that some of the older clinical instructors are very cold, harsh and indecent towards some of the nursing students, myself included. I know some PCAs. One certain PCA, a 31 year old nursing student w/military experience, referred to some of the nurses on her unit as " cold *******" and said she was afraid after many years of working in the field (after graduating and passing the NCLEX, of course), she will end up just like them. Many of the other nursing students have voiced similar experiences, saying that many of the nurses on their unit were just rude or plain cold.

This is NOT to attack nurses, but after I had a dentist appointment, I noticed a stark contrast between the happier, less stressed out RDHs from the overly stressed and very cold nurses that I have come across. This is NOT to say that all nurses are like this, I have met some really nice ones (and a couple of really lovely clinical instructors), but in general, the longer one has been in the field of nursing ,the colder and less compassionate one becomes...from my observation. Statistically, 1 out of every 7 nurses will end up with a drug/substance problem (according to my lecture notes)...could it be d/t the stress of nursing?

So, I was wondering, to all the nurses out there who have been in the field for a long time, how has nursing changed you as an individual? Have you found yourself becoming colder and more detached or more warm and compassionate? Has nursing made you depressed? And finally (and most importantly) do you regret nursing?

I have found that I have lost apart of my confidence and self-esteem, and nursing seems to have an ugly side to it that really is disappointing. Quoting someone I love, "Upon visiting your nursing school, I have never met a more hostile, unwelcoming, cold environment and I can only imagine what you go through when I'm not around." And this person is fifty.

Again, this is NOT an attack, but just an observation and things I've experienced first hand and have been told, and I'm wondering about this!

OK you are right.

I started at age 47 and relatively happy and inocent still. The first 3 years I wanted to just off the GG bridge, after my student loans where payed off so as not to leave my family in debt. I was a triathlete material skiing and biking with the body of a 30 year old. I am now cripled by the lifting and in pain all the time. I have seen friends hurt in thier first years of nursing, and their back will never be the same, there is not one who hasn't been injured just know that you will get hurt, both physically and emotionally. If you think about it how can you deal with people in pain all the time, and not be damaged. If you do get hurt expect to be despensible. Nurses don't burn out they are distroyed. there is no honor, or sainthood just working till you drop. Do you like to pee or hold your bladder half the day? You you like lunch or 3 bites of a granola bar and a sip of water.

Plan to do something else, there is no amount of money worth it. Please

Altra, BSN, RN

6,255 Posts

Specializes in Emergency & Trauma/Adult ICU.

If anyone, in any profession, retained the same outlook and values at age 50 that they had at age 20 ...

wouldn't that be a failure to progress/mature? Don't you think life should teach you something?

And thank you PrincessBride for the reference citing 10-15% of the US population with substance abuse issues and that the 1 in 7 nurses suffering the same problem are simply on pace with the population as a whole.

Meriwhen, ASN, BSN, MSN, RN

4 Articles; 7,907 Posts

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

Of course, there are some truly hardened nurses out there...I won't deny that. In my experience, most are not.

Also, I wouldn't call it a hardening...but you quickly learn there's a time to wear the tea-and-sympathy hat, and a time to wear the no-nonsense-and-let's-get-it-done hat, which some may confuse as the nurse being hardened. That is not really the case, nor does it mean that the nurse is not happy with his/her career...it's just that at the end of the day, it's not the hearts and flowers and sympathy that saves the patients' lives, but the nursing interventions we have to perform on more patients than we should be assigned, and on patients who may not always be willing or able to cooperate with their treatment.

Plus you have to learn not to let everything get to you, because you will burn out very fast if you do. Empathy is nice. But one has to set boundaries on it if one wants to be an effective nurse.

Unfortunately you're not really going to understand until you are actually working as a nurse. So it's great that you're asking now...but do reserve passing judgment on others until you've gotten a few months of nursing experience (not clinicals, but when you are actually flying on your own license) under your belt. Then reassess how you feel about it and see if you feel any different.

And I thought you were being rather generous with the 14%. My specialty is CD, and most of my sources have it around 15-20%. Mind you, that's only those who actually disclose they have a problem (or their problem is discovered) and end up seeking treatment. There's quite a few who don't self-report/get reported but instead deal with it on their own. Or not.

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