first of all, my deepest condolences to your family. sending big angel kisses to the twins!!
my first child was born at 32 weeks due to pih and complications from it. we didn't know until blake was born how sick he was-he was born with multiple birth defects. he died from complications of a congenital heart defect, tetralogy of fallot. he was with us for 12 wonderful days
and he is greatly missed by his dad and me every day.
i made a website in his memory-it has a lot of details if you would be interested in reading. here is the link: my son's website
(i apologize in advance-some of the pics are a little fuzzy on his site-trying to get it corrected)
the only birthday we have celebrated of blake's thus far is his 1st birthday. i bought him a cake and balloons. his dad and i went to the cemetary where he is and "gave" his balloons to him-i also had little gifts for him that we left on his marker. we went out to eat to celebrate blake's birthday and came home and released balloons.
i speak for myself, but i have many friends who i have met since blake died. the most important thing is to keep their memory alive.
i can't put into words how much it hurts to have his birthday "forgotten" just because he is not here. also, holidays are hard-mother's day, father's day, easter, halloween, thanksgiving, and christmas are just...
do call the twins' parents-sometimes they want to be alone and that is ok. send them a card and maybe include a birthday card for the twins. if the parents have no objections, take balloons or flowers to the twins' resting place-you can write a message to them on the balloons. sending the parents flowers on their little ones birthday is very sweet too.
the most important thing is to let them know you are thinking of them and their little angels too.