First of all, let me tell you a little background about myself. I graduated in 08 and found a job at a rehab facility because no one would hire a new grad at a hospital unless you knew someone. I worked there for a year, and I think I shot myself in the foot because I lost most of my skills. I just got a new job at a hospital in March, and this week was my first week off orientation.
While I was on orientation, I loved it! All the nurses were helpful, especially because I was kind of still considered a new grad. It was a great experience. This week was my first week off orientation and it was AWFUL. I almost want to consider a career change. All of a sudden no one really wants to help me and it is super super busy and I am so overwhelmed. I have anxiety every day before I go to work. I work the pm shift so I have all morning to think about going to work. I cry at the end of the shift. I keep making silly mistakes; little ones, but still.
Anyway, here is my dilemma.
I had a patient yesterday who requested dilaudid. Her dose is 1mg out of a 2mg carpujet syringe. I gave her the 1mg and put the carpujet in my lab coat pocket. She didn't ask for a dose later in the night, and I ended up taking the dilaudid home because it was in my pocket. Today, I had another patient on dilaudid, and he had a dose of 1mg, out of a 1mg syringe, but the pyxis was out of stock. I realized that I had the other dilaudid in my pocket and used that instead of waiting to ask the pharmacy to fill the pyxis. I had to give up this particular patient soon thereafter because I also had a MRSA patient and the charge nurse wanted my other patient to be 'clean' based on his history. I have report to the charge nurse. He apparently wanted more dilaudid later, and the charge nurse looked up on the pyxis when I last gave it to him. Of course it wasn't in there. At this point, I had gotten a direct admit, I was way behind on all my patients, very overwhelmed and on the verge of crying. The nurse asked me if I had used leftover dilaudid from the other nurse (who had given me report). In my state of anxiety, I quickly said 'yes' (stupid, I know). It wasn't until after the charge nurse had left at 7p that I realized what I had said. I cried on my way home, scared and upset. I am definately going to tell her what happened tomorrow. I don't know if I am going to have a write up or not, but at this point I am unfortunately too numb, overwelmed, tired, hungry, anxious and tired to care. I hate what this place has made me feel. But it feels good to talk about it.