Funny things patients have said

L8RRN · Feb 14, 2010

I was giving a heparin shot and the patient was a bit upright so her breast was laying on a portion of her stomach. It wasn't really in the way but she apparently thought it was and said "Let me get my boob out of the way. Well, it use to be a boob. Now it is just skin." I about died laughing.

FowLaf24/7 · Feb 14, 2010

I am a male nurse and I was assisting a female dementia patient with cutting the roast beef on her plate.

She insisted I take a few bites of the cut meat and added "my wife will cut-me-off if she knew I was

eating her good tasting food." :smokin:

barlowjb · Feb 14, 2010

I'm an ortho/neuro nurse and one evening I was assessing a post knee replacement pt who was to be discharged the next day. I asked her: have you passed gas to which she responded "yes". I then asked her: have you had a bowel movement? to which she responded "no, but the last time I had surgery they allowed me to go home on gas alone". She was such an up beat pt that I couldn't help but respond: well honey of course, you do need gas to get home don't you. She then said yes believe you me I have more than enough to fill up that gas tank. OMG we both burst out laughing at the same time, we were literally in tears.

roser13, ASN, RN · Feb 14, 2010

I once asked a patient how tall she was. She said "well, some people say I'm 5'3; others say I'm 5'9."

becca83 · Feb 14, 2010

I work with post-op heart patients and they always come out with JP (chest) tubes. Well I had one lady who was sitting up-right and her bulbs were hanging in between her legs and I went to go empty them and she said " I always wondered what it felt like to have balls" :lol2: Hilarious!

locolorenzo22, BSN, RN · Feb 14, 2010

I had a LOL the other night, who was driving me crazy. Whenever you were working with her nonverbal, bedbound roommate, she was going all out, wondering where JIM was, and someone took her pants, and where's her purse. we'd reassure her, and not 1 minute later she would be very confused again.

I informed her for the 2342th time that I had called her son and he would be back in the morning...."oh honey, you just won yourself a halo with jesus!"

SweetLikeSugar · Feb 15, 2010

One of our dementia patient pressed his call light when his IV pump started beeping. He told us "There's a tree in the corner of my room and the bird singing in it is keeping me awake!" So cute!! :lol2:

teeniebert, LPN · Feb 15, 2010

One of our dementia patient pressed his call light when his IV pump started beeping. He told us "There's a tree in the corner of my room and the bird singing in it is keeping me awake!" So cute!!

Best. Complaint. Ever. :yeah:

brownbook · Jul 17, 2010

For a pre-op phone interview my patient said she only had one kidney. I asked her what had happened, had she been born with only one kidney? She said no one was sure what had happened but she thought maybe they sewed her up wrong when she had her c/section 1o years ago!!! Yes I know a "crash/stat" c/section can be horrendous but I'm taking that story with a big grain of salt!

Leelee2 · Jul 17, 2010

Dementia patient, 3 am, gets up to use the commode w/assist. While pulling down her pull up, patient looks down inside the pad, where lies a pile of stool. She looks up at me, and says (very seriously) "who s#@! in my pants!" I started laughing (couldn't help it), and so did she.

LouisVRN, RN · Jul 17, 2010

I was helping a new-grad nurse restrain a ETOH withdrawl patient that had been consistantly pulling out IV's, his PICC line, and kept getting out of bed.

Me: "_____ I'm going to tie your hands to the bed so you can't pull on your PICC line again and won't be able to get out of bed without assistance."

Him "Well make sure its real tight ... Because I'm SUPER-FAST!"

:yeah: :lol2: :yeah: I had to try very hard to keep a straight face. It was probably the most lucid thing he had ever said, and just the way he said it was hilarious.