Fear of nursing responsibility is holding me back from being a nurse. Please help!

  1. MY POST WAS MOVED, SORRY I AM RE-POSTING. I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO STAY IN GENERAL NURSING, AS I AM NOT A NURSING STUDENT.

    So, I didn't really want to come on here to write this, especially knowing I might not get many responses or a response at all. I feel like I am always complaining about this (in my head and to my boyfriend) so I'm just overwhelmed, anxious, depressed, upset...

    WARNING I write a lot!

    I'll give you guys a summary about me.
    Ever since I decided I was going to study to be a nurse (this took years in a CC to finally decide) I really put 110% in everything in order to be able to get into nursing school. I studied really hard to get top grades in my pre-requesites, I was really serious about nursing. I watched YouTube videos, and discovered AllNurses, a place where I would search questions I had, about pre-reques, nursing school, and overall nursing. Once I was done with my pre reqs, I finally was able to apply to the RN program! I did and got rejected. I wasn't so upset, I knew those TEAS scores () weren't the greatest, I also didn't feel like it was the end of the world, it kinda just made me want to try harder.
    Prior to applying to NS, I got my CNA certificate, so since I didn't make it into the program, I was going to look for a CNA job and get some experience since I had never had any nursing exposure, I also began volunteering at one of our local hospitals. After thinking about what I should do next, I decided I was going to try to make it into the LVN program at the same CC. I only needed a couple pre-req courses to be able to apply, I took them, and got A's, This time, it looked a lot better for the LVN program, having some experience also helped, because I got in! It almost seemed like I was never going to achieve what I had been wanting. Hours and hours were spent here and on YouTube learning about other peoples experiences in NS and I REALLY REALLY wanted it too, I was hungry for it! BUT I was finally in, it took about 3 years Just to TRY to get into the program and about 8 years in CC deciding on a career/taking pre-reqs. I am a very dedicated person, persistent person, I REALLY gave it my all to be in the program.

    Being in NS was awesome (I honestly miss it) I learned a TON and I felt very blessed and fortunate to be where I was because it had been a dream of mine, and I was so proud of myself for really putting all my effort into it and never giving up.
    I graduated in 2016, all As and Bs, good test scores. I did it!
    At this point I felt ready for the NCLEX and ready to start working as a nurse (LTC had never been appealing to me but after some clinical experience, I thought it was ok to start off).

    Then....

    I waited for my ATT. *hurry up!* *I want to take my NCLEX already* *all my classmates got theirs, what about me* *all my classmates passed?? Ok I want to test already* *WOW my classmates got their first jobs as LVNs, I STILL can't test?*
    8 months after graduating..Finally I got my ATT (at this point I was renewing my CNA and looking for a job, I hadn't been working all this time)
    1 year and 1 month later, I finally was able to take the NCLEX and I passed! First time AND after 1 year of graduating!
    Now I am here....

    So basically guys, I really wanted to be a nurse, I worked really hard to get into nursing school and I really don't want all this effort to go to waste. I over analyze everything, I am a thinker, I'm thinking about everything all the time. Here's where I REALLY need some words or wisdom/encouragement/advice, hence the "please help" in the title.

    It's been over a year since I graduated and gradually, the longer it was taking to test and the longer the gap between graduating and now, I feel like I don't have all that information fresh in my brain, I feel like I probably forgot a lot of important information. I don't feel as ready as I did working as a nurse as I did when I had just graduated, working as a CNA and seeing what nurses need to do to keep the patients safe, kinda frightens me a little. What if I don't know what to do? What if there's a change in condition but I didn't catch it soon?

    Also as a CNA i'm really slow, what if I'm this slow as nurse and can't keep up? Thinking about this really made me rethink if LTC is really for me. I was looking for slower paced jobs (because I don't think I can work fast pace or under pressure) so I begin looking for clinic jobs. No luck so far I really wanted to be a nurse this year and not go another year not being what I went to school for.

    I started thinking and maybe my only option now is going to LTC as an LVN
    This is terrifying to me. The way I see nurses in this specialty is that they are very knowledgeable and know exactly what to do, they work so hard and are fast on their feet, I admire that and I aspire to be as knowledgeable as they are. I just don't have the self confidence. I hear LTC is hard, and what if I can't make it there? Then again, I've seen my classmates go from fresh out of NS to LTC nurse and they weren't scared. Why am I so scared? I hate myself sometimes. It's really holding me back. Calling Drs is really intimidating to me, how do I know when to call them? what if they get mad at me? I'm a shy person, phone calls scare me. I'm so scared of not being smart enough, I'm scared of LTC but that seems to be my only option. I've been waiting TOO long for the right place to work but I don't know where else to look. I want to be able to finally say "I'm a nurse" I didn't want to go this year without accomplishing that. I feel so depressed.

    Advice?

    Sorry guys, I wrote too long, Im getting sleepy, I apologize if I don't make sense anymore
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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   PrettyNerd
    Hi again, had been thinking of the things that scares me about being a nurse. This is especially in LTC as I believe nurses here have a lot of responsibility. I really DO want to be a nurse and be a knowledgeable one, I really aspire to be an awesome nurse but the heavy responsiblity scares me because I don't want to make any mistakes that can cause my license to be taken away or someones life, most importantly. These are some of the things that scares me and/or I'm afraid to fail. Can someone please shed some light here, am I the only one that feels like this?? I really don't like feel "scared to be a nurse"

    ~So I'm afraid of when the state comes in and observes you. When I was doing clinicals, the LVNs would teach us how THEY do whatever it is that they would be showing us and then say "but when the state is here, you don't do it like this, you do it like this"--I'm not someone that likes to break rules, I like to do things the right way, and having State coming and observe you working would really make me nervous because I'd feel like my license is going to be taken away.

    ~Not having enough training/orientation. Its been over a year since I graduated, I feel like I'd need extensive orientation.

    ~I'm a CNA in LTC and sometimes dementia patients can really burn you out. I'm usually a very patient person and the ones that occasionally forget things here and there or the ones that are still very sweet, don't really bother me. HOWEVER, having to CONSTANTLY watch someone because they keep getting out of bed and they are fall risk can really take a lot from you especially if you have other things to do, or having to repeat yourself over and over again when it comes to patient safety. (I may sound mean here, I'm not, I just don't want to feel burnt out so fast and usually this makes me feel like that)

    ~Calling Drs intimidates me. When do I call them? What do I say? Will they get mad at me for calling?

    ~Most importantly, making decisions and nursing judgement. I mean, HOW am I going to know what is good for the patient, how do I make important decisions when it comes to my patients. Using nursing judgement? How do I know if I have good nursing judgement? I feel like I don't know anything!

    Am I the only one that feels like this? I'm scared to try but I don't want to be. I want to be able to be like other people and just go out there and DO IT. I'm just afraid of failing or not being competent enough to be a nurse.
  4. by   Sour Lemon
    It sounds like you've got quite a mess in your head that only you can sort out. Maybe it will feel less overwhelming to you if you pick out one or two issues at a time to focus on.
  5. by   PrettyNerd
    Ok?....so I'm doomed then? Is nursing not for me?
    I mean I tried looking for slower paced jobs but haven't been lucky, and I don't want to keep waiting. I graduated last year, I don't want another year to go by.
  6. by   LovingLife123
    In general no type of nursing is slow paced. Clinics still get busy.
    I agree with Sour Lemon, you have too much going on in your head. You need to get that sorted out,

    Everybody is nervous at first. But until you actually do it, you will never get over your fears. The longer you go without having a nursing job, the harder it will be to get one.

    Maybe talk to somebody about all of your anxieties.
  7. by   PrettyNerd
    I spoke with my nursing instructors they didn't seemed too concerned and just suggested other areas but like I said it seems LTC is my only option at the moment. I'm just worried I wont be competent enough or fast enough, I'm a really calm, slow person in general.
  8. by   PrettyNerd
    Quote from LovingLife123
    Everybody is nervous at first. But until you actually do it, you will never get over your fears. The longer you go without having a nursing job, the harder it will be to get one.
    I agree with you though! That's what I keep telling myself to give me that push. I just really need need to grow some OOs
  9. by   canoehead
    Just jump in, it will make sense as you do it.

    You can fret about it, or you can hold your nose and jump. The alternative is to throw away those years of work without even trying. You got through school so you are smart enough. If you keep thinking, you're going to kick your own butt so hard you won't be able to move.

    Maybe it would be helpful to have a therapist as you go through the hiring process, and the first year. If you try and decide it's not for you, that's one thing, but if you don't even try, you'll regret it forever.
  10. by   PrettyNerd
    Quote from canoehead
    Just jump in, it will make sense as you do it.

    You can fret about it, or you can hold your nose and jump. The alternative is to throw away those years of work without even trying. You got through school so you are smart enough. If you keep thinking, you're going to kick your own butt so hard you won't be able to move.

    Maybe it would be helpful to have a therapist as you go through the hiring process, and the first year. If you try and decide it's not for you, that's one thing, but if you don't even try, you'll regret it forever.
    Thank you for your reply, I really need that push. It's basically just me and my demon thoughts in my head. I really don't have any friends nor did I keep in contact with my nursing classmates which really sucks because I could really need someone to talk to that can relate to new nurse anxieties. I think about it everyday and I really just want to go out there and try, I'm really shy and interverted so I feel like it's a lot harder for me

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