Family Members: Do you get along with all of them?

  1. You know you have to see them, but have you ever hated getting together with them? I mean, you still love them....but, can't stand being around them.
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  2. 45 Comments

  3. by   SmilingBluEyes
    I would have to write a novel to answer this completely, but I will try be succinct. NO I do NOT get along w/my family members...Long story, but basically after over 35 years of being treated like an outsider and basic parasite, I have decided it is perhaps best I stay on my side of the Rocky and Cascade Mountain ranges. They are happier and so am I. I have my own family now that brings me joy; a husband I adore and good friends. I can't pick my primary family but I can choose not to torture myself by being around them when I don't have to.
  4. by   emily_mom
    Yes and no....

    Father- not really (got a g'friend a week after my Mom died)

    Grandparents- love them to death

    MIL- needs to be put to death

    FIL- awesome guy

    SIL's- have two, one is great, the other is a hag (like her mother)

    Brothers- different but love them...

    I think no one can get along with everyone in their family. After all, you don't get to pick them like your friends. There are always going to be squabbles but you have to make the most of it. You always have options...

    Kristy
  5. by   melissa24
    My story would be a novel as well. Some of them I get along with and some I don't. Some of our relationships are very strained.

    I guess when we get to be adults we realize we can't choose our family, but we can choose our friends. But sometimes it seems so strange that sisters who grew up in the same household can grow so far apart.
  6. by   canoehead
    My mom has a public side and a private side, she approaches me with the public (good) side now that I've been moved out for years, but if I stay longer than 3 days I start to see the private (evil) side. I'm amazed I could live in that house as a kid and not lose my mind.

    Plus all the women on my mother's side suffer from depression off and on. All of them also use creative memory skills to cope with life. So I could say "hey mom, remember when my cousin got drunk in the basement, and was so hungover?" She would say, "he wasn't drunk, he got the flu, the poor dear. I don't know why you are always attacking my family, he's grown and has a good job now."

    So you get the picture. If you came to my house you would have to know the history to follow the conversation, as it is all in code.

    Mom :You know your aunt decided to move in with your grandmother because she is so sickly. The boys all came down to help her out but poor Jacob wasn't feeling well and had to spend the day in bed.

    Real story : My aunt's trailer is rotting out from under her, and she hates her job and her life. She moved in to my grandmother's home and spent the next 6m (so far) with sticky fingers so when I visit the cousins they have old antiques that Gram "gave" them. You probably figured out that Jacob wasn't exactly sick, but he was coddled and the other boys (one is a dope dealer) moved the big stuff and spent the rest of the day high (literally) "fixing" the roof.

    Sorry I ranted, but I am always so unsure about going home for Xmas. Usually the "public" family life is very nice, and I love them, but if it all degenerates it's really hard.
  7. by   Mkue
    Isn't it weird how the family dynamics changes over time.. when my PGM was alive we all used to get together for X-mas, huge gathering, ppl came from all over.. now that the "Matriarch"is gone, they don't get together, probably because they only did it for her.

    Yah, I could write a novel too
  8. by   CraftyLPN
    Yes and No....
    can't stand my BIL and MIL....I have 2 SIL that are ok at times...
    MY big sis thinks she needs to remind me how to live my life and how to raise my daughter, and how I should treat my hubby...My lil bro is a complte ace-hole...and my parents are great.....
  9. by   Tweety
    In the last 20 years I've grown to enjoy my family, especially since they are 1000 miles away and we rarely get together. It's been a long rough rocky road for us all to be able to stand each other. LOL
  10. by   Y2KRN
    Definately do not get along with all family members!!!! Especailly father, and some others!! I have to say though, I have gotten very close to my sister. We are five years apart, and it never seemed like we jived. I never wanted her tagging along when I was growing up. I moved out and then when I would come home to visit she had no interest in hanging around with me.

    When she graduated from college, that is when we filled the age gap I would say and our relationship has grown stronger ever since. This summer she and her family came to visit and my husband, her husband, she, and I and our kids went to a local amusement park. I must say I have not enjoyed myself so much for a very long long time. I don't think I have ever had so much fun with my sister. It is strange how people grow and change.

    I have to say I think most of us could write a novel!!!! Happy holidays to all.

    Y2KRN
    Last edit by Y2KRN on Nov 30, '02
  11. by   itsme
    Hi! I could do a novel as well! I have a new sil, the sil from hell. we got along til she got my brother to the alter. she loves giving parental advice, even though she has no kids, and wont. money is her big thing, she tells everyone she loves my brothers wallet the best. she is very selfish, wanted us to cancel xmas til she got back form her month in Hawaii. I think not!! she makes me wanna scream!! Oh well, happy holidays to all!!
  12. by   suzannasue
    The only family I claim are my daughters, my dad and DH...
    My sister breezes into town and manages to steal things from my dad's house with each visit...the afternoon after we buried Mama, she was giving away some of her belongings to HER friend from high school....spent the days prior to the burial telling everyone how she hated Mom...then wailed at her funeral...I was unimpressed with her performance !!! Dad says he has to be on guard when she visits, frequently finds her searching through drawers looking for (???) anything she can put into her luggage before she leaves...
    She didn't grace our presence for Thanksgiving but is planning on coming for Christmas...with her sons whom she has also trained to steal ...I will be an emotional wreck until they all leave...she usually manages to bring up the fact that she resents that our parents appointed me as their executrix of the estate...refers to me (away from Dad) as "Ms. Executrix"...I think she believes there is a treasure awaiting her...very GRANDIOSE...there just may be a "throw down" this year....ahhh...whadda memory we will make....
    My in-laws are true sickos in every sense of the word and M. Scott Peck could have written an entire chapter about them in his book " People of the Lie"...
    I am sure that we all could write books about our families...I have
    begun writing a transcript....cannot submit for publishing until some of the relatives "die off" ....horror, intrigue, secrets, violence, blackmail,suspense...and then again...perhaps when the last of them have died, I will burn it in a cleansing ritual...it will probably smoulder for a thousand years !!!!
  13. by   chartleypj
    Originally posted by MayoRN
    You know you have to see them, but have you ever hated getting together with them? I mean, you still love them....but, can't stand being around them.
    Wow! This thread would make a great show for Dr. Phil!
    Boy, can I relate to all of you. Fortunately, one blessing of surviving a severely dysfunctional / fractured family of origin allows me to CHOOSE to not be together for the holidays. I love them but I do not 'have to' subject myself to the sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments/behavior, criticisms, judgemental attitude and attempts at manipulation/cohersion.
    Choosing to be with loving caring friends or a 'family of choice' at the holidays is so much more gratifying.

    Paula
  14. by   kmchugh
    Mostly, yes, I get along with my family, though what we actually have is probably best termed an "uneasy truce." I so looked up to my brothers when I was a kid. Somehow, since becoming an adult, I was never good enough for them. Right here and now, I'll tell you that much of that was my own fault. But, they looked down their noses at me (one is a psychologist, the other owns a pretty sucessful business) because I chose not to go to college right away, but joined the Army instead. There's more there, but have to tell you about sister dearest.

    When I was medically discharged from the Army, she urged me to consider nursing as a new career. She had a PhD in nursing informatics, and thought I'd do well in nursing. I even went to the university where she taught to get my undergrad degree. She and I were very close, she helped me as my marriage fell apart, supported me when my wife (at the time) got custody of the kids in spite of something like 6 hospitalizations for suicide attempts. I felt as though there was one in the family I could always count on for support.

    Did I mention she had two sons, and always wanted a daughter? Well, the ex finally got it right, and committed suicide. Within a week, my dear sister was on the phone telling me that my daughter was not going to make it if I didn't send her to live with sis. I told my sis I didn't think that was a good idea. Long story short, she ended up screaming at me like a madwoman on the phone. I don't even remember what she said, just the screaming. I doubted myself, so I checked with my daughter's counselor to see if maybe sis was right. Counselor told me sending my daughter to live with my sister, even though we lived in the same town, would be the worst possible thing I could do for her. So, reinforced I stuck by my guns.

    My sister hates me now, and bad mouths me to the rest of the family whenever she gets the chance. She's even gone so far as to accuse me to the rest of the family of child abuse (not true). But, like a shotgun, she just keeps the stories going scattershot. Some are believed, some are not. None are true. But, it has driven a wedge between me and my family. I've heard (indirectly, like fourth hand) that she is insanely upset that I have become a CRNA. It irritates her no end that me, with a lowly masters degree, easily out earns her, with her lofty PhD.

    Since our little spat, I've even heard from some of my sister's students that her behavior in class is no more balanced than her family behavior. She doesn't live here anymore, but still teaches graduate level nursing, now in Colorado. I take some comfort in the knowledge that this nut will have no impact, or even know, my three year old daughter, nor my daughter on the way.

    Sorry for the length of this post, but sometimes getting this story out can be cathartic.

    Kevin McHugh

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