Families from Hell

Nurses General Nursing

Published

I know that when people are in the hospital everyone is stressed out including the families; but man I can't stand when the families do all the talking for the patient, jump down my throat like a poor waitress that just brought them an undercooked steak, and question me like I was on trial for everything that has happened during the hospital stay for the past 2 weeks when it is my first day I've even laying eyes on the patient. This happened yesterday and I did what I always do: talk directly to the patient, answer the family with very short but firm answers and then redirect the conversation/questions back to the patient, let the charge/supervisor know the family is out of control (although I found out that all staff/physicians avoid the room at all costs). At the end of the shift the patient thanked me told me I was very attentive and even the family. Hate to say it but it didn't make me feel any better. I would have done everything I did do with out being bullied.

I've enjoyed this very interesting thread, and I'm sure we all have horror stories about families. Half the time I love my patients but can't stand their families. I work day shift med/surg and have LOTS of family contact. In 21 years of being an RN, I've seen a general change from respectful and helpful family members...to abrasive, abusive, strident, downright nasty families who have completely unrealistic expectations and demands despite multiple attempts by multiple nurses and maybe even their doctor to educate and communicate with them about hospital routines, nursing care, ethical issues, etc., on top of education about the dx, tx, meds, and all the things that make up a hospital stay. I think this behavior is pretty widespread in society, not just hospitals. I see it in restaurants and stores, anywhere where someone is "serving" someone else, and at times just out in public. There is such a widespread sense of entitlement. "I deserve what I want now and if you don't get it to me the way I want it when I want it and kowtow and kiss a$$ and show me some respect while you do it, then I'm going to really make your life hell and you'll be sorry." Or something like that. I see people poised to attack at the most miniscule sign of an imagined slight or threat. Some patient's families come in on the offensive, ready to fight caregivers and call it "protecting" the patient, their family member. I call it fear based behavior, no matter where it occurs. I think our society has become so incredibly fearful that more and more, people are handling their stress by lashing out at others. The nurse taking care of your loved one (or the waitress bringing you your dinner or the store clerk ringing up your purchase or the person who accidently bumped you on the sidewalk etc.) is not the true target, just the most convenient. Nothing, whatever the reason, excuses the obnoxious behavior of these people. When killing them with kindness, active listening, firm limits, etc. doesn't work, we have had to resort to hospital security which is the local police dept. (this is a REALLY SMALL hospital in a REALLY SMALL town), and that is a temporary fix, but they're back the next day with more. Some families make me hate my job on some days, and life is too short to feel that way very often. Thats what I want to say to these people...you must be a really unhappy person to be spending so much time being so angry and nasty. I guess that wouldn't get me any awards in the customer service sweepstakes, not that I care anymore!

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Working Labor and Delivery we get the abusive pushy rude obnoxious family in at all hours of the night. Just Last week I started out my shift with a sister of a labor patient cussing at me because she told the "stupid day shift nurses" something and said the F word 3-4 times. I calmly asked her relationship to the patient then told her that she needn't cuss at me and that I was there to take care of her sister's labor. Then I didn't address anyone in the room but the patient from then on unless I was doing an exam and had to ask them to leave the bedside.

I also told my manager who happend to be there at the time what was going on !

She didn't cuss at me again for the rest of the labor :)

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I sure miss working the night shift. I am so tired of families and their verbal abuse. My problem is that the nurses in my area of the world are too smart. All of the night shift positions are already filled. The only openings are for days and evenings. Anyway, I can always hope that a night nurse will move elsewhere and then I can try again for nights.;)

I work nights in an intensive care unit. At our hospital we have no visitation restrictions except for about an hour in the morning and evening when we are changing shifts and even that isn't really enforced. So we have families in and out of the pt rooms all hours of the night. It is insane. The families don't sleep they won't let the pt's sleep. If you move to nights make sure there are visitation restrictions or you'll be no better off.

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I know it's hard to be sick/injured or have a loved one who is, but man, why do we have to put up w/ this crap? I'd tell you a story or two but I'm sure everyone here would have a more unbelieveable one. That's why I work nights. Things get annoying threatening, dangerous and just plain rude. A pt's entire family came in on Thanksgiving demanding their dinner, which was provided to a limited #, first come, first serve by reservation only. Soooo, they stormed the employee cafeteria and ate all the food for the night shift. Nice, huh? Those of us that slept that day becase we worked the night before and didn't get to share the holiday w/ family had nothing to eat and nowhere to go to get any. No backup from admin that I have seen. This one is merely annoying but we all know how much worse it gets. The thinly veiled threats of lawsuits are my fave.

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Specializes in Staff nurse.
I know it's hard to be sick/injured or have a loved one who is, but man, why do we have to put up w/ this crap? I'd tell you a story or two but I'm sure everyone here would have a more unbelieveable one. That's why I work nights. Things get annoying threatening, dangerous and just plain rude. A pt's entire family came in on Thanksgiving demanding their dinner, which was provided to a limited #, first come, first serve by reservation only. Soooo, they stormed the employee cafeteria and ate all the food for the night shift. Nice, huh? Those of us that slept that day becase we worked the night before and didn't get to share the holiday w/ family had nothing to eat and nowhere to go to get any. No backup from admin that I have seen. This one is merely annoying but we all know how much worse it gets. The thinly veiled threats of lawsuits are my fave.

Here's an idea...we count the family members on our assignments at pts. After all, we are nursing the whole family, right? So on the floor if you usually get 6 admitted pts. you will get 2 admitted patients, and count their family members who are there 24/7. Or enuff of a shift to feel like 24/7. Examples:

Mr. Jones who is in bed 34, and has his wife and mother there will count as 3 for your RN assignment.

Mrs. Smith who is in bed 39 and has her mom and sister there will count as 3 for your assignment.

3+3=6. Only thing, management won't help us there, no matter how draining these 2, I mean 6 patients are to the RN and aides...so Press Ganey scores are gonna be low no matter how well the pt. care is.

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Because they don't speak for themselves! My father always says he's fine when the doctor asks, so if Mum's not with him then at least half the relevant information isn't provided (history of AAA repair, renal failure, now on dialysis, bowel cancer-hemicolectomy, pnuemonia, so no, he's not fine when he goes to see the doctor, just infuriatingly polite!!! And then there's my husband, who I feel like giving a written script to take with him, as he too leaves out half the information, but he's a grown up so i say stuff it.
Understood, and I know what you're talking about, but that wasn't what I was referring to...

What gets me are those times I ask the patient a question and every time they open their mouth to answer, a family member pipes up from the corner. It's like watching a really bad ventriloquist act.

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Understood, and I know what you're talking about, but that wasn't what I was referring to...

What gets me are those times I ask the patient a question and every time they open their mouth to answer, a family member pipes up from the corner. It's like watching a really bad ventriloquist act.

EG: Hey, I can relate to this! Mothers do this for their kids when a stranger is talking to them. Problem is when you forget they've grown up and can speak for themselves. I think the family member wants to help, but there sure are a lot of NCLEX questions about the best source of info being from the horse's mouth. Don't forget that when a family member is sick, it's a crisis for all of them, as annoying as they can be.

Diahni

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I've had patients circling the drain. So I tell my other patients that I have an emergency situation that I'm dealing with, and I will see them as soon as I can. In the meantime, if they need anything, put the light on, and someone will be there to help them. Families are present at the time, so they hear this. Two seconds later, I'm in the hall, practically running to get something, so I can get back to help with my emergent patient. Family member stops me in the hall and wants to chat about what's for lunch and what the patient likes/doesn't like. Ok, didn't I just say that I was in an emergency situation. Alright, I see what you want...EVERYONE...stop the Code. You, stop compressions and fire up the grill, I'll get the vegetables on. This lady in Bed 4 must have barbecued chicken for lunch, STAT! We've got to get moving, we don't have much time, it's 1100 now! Geeezzz.

Recently when my husband and I were in the airport, we were stopping to ask an employee something. After a few seconds, she looks up from her computer and says, "Do you have a quick question that you need to ask me?" Get it? Quick being the operative word. I told my husband that I was going to start saying this at work. Nice, huh? What's it'got to do with this? I don't know. I just liked it. Family on!

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Specializes in private duty/home health, med/surg.

When I see a stable patient in my med/surg floor with their room full to overflowing with visitors for hours on end, I always wonder if they visit this much when the patient is at home in their usual state of health. Especially my older patients.

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Specializes in geriatrics, medsurg, group homes.

Oh my gosh! When I read down thru these comments, it brought back nightmares. I have been cussed out because friends didn't have the patient code for information. Yelled at by familes, called on the carpet by the manager because families weren't pampered the way they thought they should be. Told that I would be reported because pain medicine was late, I replied make sure you spell my name right and showed them my badge (they wanted to go smoke with their friends and didn't want to miss a dose of morphine). I worked my way up from CNA to LPN now to RN. I had been out of the main stream working group homes while in the last semster, and forgot what fun I had been missing. I know one thing to keep your sanity or whats left of it, you have to have a thick skin and a warped sense of humor

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Specializes in icu, er, transplant, case management, ps.
Oh my gosh! When I read down thru these comments, it brought back nightmares. I have been cussed out because friends didn't have the patient code for information. Yelled at by familes, called on the carpet by the manager because families weren't pampered the way they thought they should be. Told that I would be reported because pain medicine was late, I replied make sure you spell my name right and showed them my badge (they wanted to go smoke with their friends and didn't want to miss a dose of morphine). I worked my way up from CNA to LPN now to RN. I had been out of the main stream working group homes while in the last semster, and forgot what fun I had been missing. I know one thing to keep your sanity or whats left of it, you have to have a thick skin and a warped sense of humor

I find it amazing that so many nurses have such poor relationships with their patients and their families. I have yet to see anyone start a thread or post that a family has not been demanding or a patient has not been demanding. That a patient has been willing to wait, wait and wait, for someone to come into their room or answer their call light.

I have been a patient more times then I like to remember, in several different states, often with a roommate. I don't call the nurse unless I truly need something. Nor have any of my roommates. I have waited and waited for pain medication, longer after it was due and not complained. I have waited for my blood glucose to be checked and to receive my insulin, all the while my meal is getting cold. And had a nurse come in, give me my insulin and leave. Never asking me if my breakfast or lunch or dinner need to be warmed up. And I have had the same nurse come in a scold me because I couldn't eat a cold meal but forgetting that she never asked me if my meal needed to be reheated.

And I think back, on the three months I spent in the hospital after being hit by a big rig, back in 1989. I remember the nursing staff answering my call bell promptly. Giving me my pain medication. Washing the blood out of my hair. Helping me get out of bed, even with a long leg cast and an arm cast. Helping me every three days to get ready to go to the operating room. I often wonder what happen to those nurses. Then I remember, they were all about my age when I was hurt, more then likely they have retired. And a whole new generation has taken over nursing care. A generation that apparently views families as the enemy. And patients as only a step away from that classification.

When I had a patient who was demanding, I often looked for the reason that the patient was demanding. Was some how his/her needs were not being addressed or met? And instead of viewing the family as the enemy, I tried to enlist them to help me meet the needs of their relative. I didn't dismiss their concerns or worries. If they had them, I was taught it was my responsibility to figure out the problem and solve it. I was taught not to bring my problems to work.

But this is just my point of view.

Woody:balloons:

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Your post gives me pause Woody, and shames me actually. I've been complaining alot recently--maybe these few days off will help.

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