fair to family members

  1. most of my time in nursing (my daughter is 22 now) I always felt guilty for the lack of time I could spend not including the fact I probley spent a total of 3-4 Xmas with her,that I didnt have to work.I also have a tendency to not tell my husband of what happens at work,mainly because I feel he just does not understand.He owns a ice cream plant and I work in a prison.The guilt factor for nurses is amazing does anyone else also feel this way and if you had to do it over again would you do it?
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  2. 7 Comments

  3. by   Janet Barclay
    Hi KMJTA,
    I think that has as much to do with being a mother as being a nurse. Guilt goes with the job
  4. by   P_RN
    If I knew then what I know now......

    I think I would rethink working full time. I started work as a nurse when my daughter was 8 months old. She's 33 now. I have missed weddings, funerals, trips, graduations etc....for all these many years.
    Most of the time we request time off and at the last minute get told we can't have it. I paid out $3000 to go to England one year and darned if my boss didn't tell me 2 days before departure, that I couldn't have the time off.....I told her I'd quit...she reported me to the director.....the director told me to have a great time!!!!

    I got warm fuzzies from patients all the time, but not from my babies.....they have grown up and moved away, and I never got to spend enough time with them.....

    I used to wonder how women could finish college and then only work a year or two until they had a baby....I sure wish I was one of those women.

    P
  5. by   prmenrs
    I'm a single mother; I adopted my son when he was ~2, but I met him when he was my patient in the NICU. I decided a long time ago that there was NO point in feeling guilty about working, day care, holidays, etc., because I have NO choice.
    By and large, my colleagues at work, my supervisors and family have been very supportive, and I have been especially blessed in having a day care situation that has been like an extended family for us. My son has some special needs, so even @ 17, I still pay my babysitter to keep an eye out for him. He's ok staying at home after school, and most of the weekend, but she makes sure he goes to church, and gets at least one good meal.
    When there's been something sudden (like an awards ceremony the school tells you about the day before), somebody will come in, cover my assignment so I can drive to his school (30 mins ea way), attend, and drive back.
    There is so much I have to feel grateful for, feeling guilty about something I have no choice over is a waste of energy I cannot afford!!
  6. by   Brownms46
    I became a single mom after passing boards. Working agency, and working nites helped me to be there for my kids. It allowed me to sleep while they were at school, be up with dinner cooked when they got home,and help them with their homework. I didn't have beenies in the beginning, but they were military dependents, so it didn't matter. There were many times, I would fore go sleep so I could go to school, have lunch with my daughter, and go on field trips. The most embrassing time was when I went to sleep on the school bus! I snore !

    My son of course at a certain age, wouldn't be caught dead with his mother ! But I would be there for his ball games, and parent teacher meetings, school plays, etc.

    I was always there for the holidays, that mattered to us. Especially Thanksgiving, and Christmas! I rarely had to feel guilty about leaving them when they were sick, as I never scheduled myself more than a couple of days ahead. It was rare for me to have to cancel a shift. For me nursing worked well, until recently. I was in the business world before nursing, and it would have never allowed me to do as well! Nursing allowed me to buy a home, send my kids to private schools, and is paying for my daughter college education.

    I have been told by my children, that I did a good job. So I don't regret going into nursing, but ready for a change now.

    Brownie
  7. by   fiestynurse
    Nursing provided me with a stable career for 23 years. I could find a job anywhere! The hours were flexible. I was able to work only 4days/week after my children were born, then go back to full-time, with relative ease. I could ask for days off during the week or get somebody to work for me if I had something to do with my kids at school. In a monday-friday, 8-5 job you are very restricted. Yes, working weekends and holidays were no fun, and I did miss certain special occasions because I had to work, but I think this is just part of being a working mom. My kids have always been my first priority! The hospital that I worked for had an on-site child care center, so finding good day care was never a problem for me. I learned to say "no" early on in my career, when asked to work extra or whatever. I never let people take advantage of me. I stopped doing double shifts, no matter how guilty they tried to make me feel. Night shifts and floating were probably the worse parts about nursing. I saw in a recent study that floating was listed as one of the top reasons why nurses leave bedside nursing.
    Anyway, if I had to do it all over again, I am really not sure if I would chose nursing. The last few years have been very difficult for me. Being in a "burnt-out" state is not pleasant and it takes a long time to recover. But, nursing is so much a part of who I am, that it's hard to imagine what my life would have been like if I had done something different.

    [ June 10, 2001: Message edited by: feistynurse ]
  8. by   nightingale1991
    Just after we married, my husband and I had to relocate to a small town about 6 hours away from our families and friends. After my son was born alomost 2 years later, we had to make some decisions about who was going to care for our child while we worked. At that time, both my husband and I were working 12 hour rotating shifts with next to no regular schedule. I decided that as much as I loved nursing, that my son was my top priority. I went to work in a Doctor's office for about a year. The pay wasn't as good and I only worked afternoons ( which was nice since I was breastfeeding), but I was able to keep up my license. When my son was about 18 months old, a half-time job came up at a correctional institution The hours are Mon-Fri, 8-4, every other week. I also have been working casual for a home health agency. I try to put my schedule together so that I work for 7, and then I'm off for 7. I love being able to be Mommy on my weeks off! It gives me the chance not to miss too much of my son's life and allows me to tackle the everyday problems most 2 year olds have (like toilet training, which we are doing now). My husband's schedule is quite varied, so he is usually home at least 2-3 days during the week I work. I have also found a wonderful child care giver, who cares for him when my husband and I are both working. I have found a way to juggle the 2 loves in my life, family and nursing!!.
  9. by   night owl
    I am thankful that we have off tours to work! I've worked 1pm to 9:30, 3:30 to 12mn, and presently 12mn to 8am just to be able to have time with my kids and work at the same time. I've had a wonderful husband for support, and my Mom, God bless her, who is no longer with us. I've now requested to have every other Sunday off to be able to spend more time with the family, but I think the head nurse has forgotten about my request which I gave her in March. Yesterday I slipped a note under her office door to remind her about it. Let's see what happends...But yes, the guilt still sets in especially when I have to work Christmas, or can't make it to those family get togethers.
    If I had to do it all over again? Yes I would because I'm sure I'd find the support that I need from family, neighbors and friends, just like I had in the past.

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