Embarrasing illnesses - page 2

by GitanoRN Guide

11,960 Views | 62 Comments

generally speaking, i work in environment that caters mostly to male patients at least 96% of our patients are men. having said that, last summer one of my regular patients, you know the type i'm referring to, came in with a... Read More


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    Didn't take me very long to figure out that when a gentleman makes an appt for his upper thigh and looks stressed out that it might not be his thigh......
    DeLanaHarvickWannabe likes this.
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    I worked in uro for awhile. We saw all kinds of "interesting things". I'll never understand why people think it is a good idea to stick items into their urethra.. Items can get stuck/sucked in there.. Also cocaine and viagra do not mix.. Just an FYI we learned from a patient..
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    I had an 18 year old male sickle-cell patient with severe priapism once. This was on a pediatric intensive care unit, and we usually didn't have people this old! Almost all of the nurses were young and pretty, but he was a real trooper and let everyone who wanted to look take a peek. I felt so bad for him, but he probably thought he looked like a stud!
    DizzyLizzyNurse likes this.
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    Not the same kind of thing, but hard on the family....

    Very well to do, upper class, civic leader, head of this, in charge of that, grand high poohbah of the Sacred Order of whatevertheheck, chummy with the governor, etc.

    Half the county was talking smack about our hospital, because poor "George" went in for a simple gallbladder surgery, and those crazy people at the hospital ended up putting him into a coma.

    Yuppers, we did. 'Cause "George" is a raging, every 'pam there is popping, ever ETOH there is drinking, addict. We had to put him under sedation with Diprivan on a vent to keep him from killing himself (and us) with one of the worst cases of the DTs I've ever seen. Doc was trying to tell the wife what was going on, and finally just showed her that dear hubby's BAC was 3x the legal limit to drive on admission to the hospital. At 6 am. She said the test was wrong. I felt sorry for the kids, wife is sailing on the USS Cleopatra down "de-nile".

    And he runs around touting his morals, his family, his success as a reason to vote for him....and when he dies in that DUI/DWI MVA or from the GI bleed or liver cancer/failure in his future, the county'll be all surprised...*sigh*
    pseudomonas, caroladybelle, GrnTea, and 5 others like this.
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    Viva way too funny.....unable to pass his gifts...

    I have been a nurse for a loooong time in my field of expertise. I have seen some amazing, bizarre, crazy stuff people. First all joking aside, priapism is an extremely painful disorder that has increased in frequency with the onset of the little blue pills and I concur that the ;little blue pills and cocaine don't mix pick one or the other.

    I have seen an array of objects both living and dead damage many a colon. I have seen a wide variety of inanimate objects habitat the rectum. I have seen mutilated urethras due to the broken glass pipette used to blow cocaine into areas cocaine doesn't belong in. I have seen lamp/ceiling pull chains used as Ben Wah balls and get stuck in the bladder. I had a kid (18 or so) that got a toothbrush stuck in his colon......he said his friend told him it would relieve constipation.

    One time (and I think I have told this story before) a patient was brought in by ambulance with what was OBVIOUS to us all as an acute abdomen.....the gut stated it was sudden onset, nausea, vomiting, it was localized and sharp. "No" he has "no idea why and has never experienced this before!"

    After his acute abdominal series the Rad Tech brought his film to inform us that the patient knew EXACTLY why he was having such pain and it had to do with the largest carrot I had EVER seen in this guy's colon and had perforated his bowel. When I confronted him all he kept saying was that it was an accident. I told him "Look pal.....you did NOT slip and fall butt naked in the vegetable bin so please........ tell me how this happened and what drugs/alcohol he was doing so we don't kill him putting him to sleep"

    When he was done explaining (drugs, alcohol and porno) he begged us not to tell his girlfriend......I assured him that we would leave that privilege to him. No one ate carrot cake form the cafeteria for weeks..






    :rofl:, Viva way too funny.....unable to pass his gifts...:rofl:I have been a nurse for a loooong time in my field of expertise. I have seen some amazing, bizarre, crazy stuff people. First all joking aside, priapism is an extremely painful disorder that has increased in frequency with the onset of the little blue pills and I concur that the ;little blue pills and cocaine don't mix pick one or the other.I have seen an array of objects both living and dead damage many a colon. I have seen a wide variety of inanimate objects habitat the rectum. I have seen mutilated urethras due to the broken glass pipette used to blow cocaine into areas cocaine doesn't belong in. I have seen lamp/ceiling pull chains used as Ben Wah balls and get stuck in the bladder. I had a kid (18 or so) that got a toothbrush stuck in his colon......he said his friend told him it would relieve constipation.One time (and I think I have told this story before) a patient was brought in by ambulance with what was OBVIOUS to us all as an acute abdomen.....the gut stated it was sudden onset, nausea, vomiting, it was localized and sharp. "No he has no idea why and has never experienced this before! After his acute abdominal series !
    sharpeimom and GrnTea like this.
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    Had a patient come in to the ER years ago with an acute abdomen and after a KUB was found to have Barbie doll heads all the way through his small and large intestines he had been swallowing and defecating for a thrill. When asked if that was quite expensive as Barbies were about 20 bucks a piece at the time, he replied "not really..I just wash them off and swallow the same ones over and over again". (sorry..hope you were not eating breakfast while reading this).

    Also had a female patient come in with a seriously damaged, inflamed colosotmy stoma who reported her husband had been "doing his business in there". Talk about a patient education need!
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    We had a guy come in for rehab after he let his girlfriend stick part of a an aquarium tubing in his penis. I really wanted to know how anyone thought PT or OT was going to help.We nicknamed him Aquaman.
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    Quote from vivalasviejas
    man who shot one testicle off after shoving his gun into his waistband and sitting down in his car, apparently believing that since 9 mm pistols never discharge accidentally on tv, it wouldn't happen to him irl.

    the same man returned to my hospital some months later, minus his other huevo as well as part of his manhood. and yep, he'd done it the same way. we couldn't help being just a wee bit relieved to know that he'd eliminated all possibility of passing on his, um, intellectual gifts to another generation.....:uhoh21:
    vivalasviejas, good one! undoubtedly, i have often said that if we nurses got together we could write the best selling novel regarding the events we have seeing throughout our careers~
    DizzyLizzyNurse likes this.
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    Quote from Esme12
    \First all joking aside, priapism is an extremely painful disorder that has increased in frequency with the onset of the little blue pills and I concur that the ;little blue pills and cocaine don't mix pick one or the other.


    Neither do little blue pills and Red Bull as a group of teenage males found out the hard way.
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    addmidtely, 15 years plus ago i began to work the graveyard shift at a teaching hospital where i received my training. when one particular weekend night the usual crew was working along with me, plus one of my favorite season nurses let's call her carmen, was charge nurse at the er. having said that, we had the usual patients coming in, when carmen and i were talking a couple walked in the gentleman was clutching his chest, i immediately grabbed a w/c and took the man back to one of the rooms we began applying the leads on his chest getting vs etc. while from the corner of my eye i saw the female that came with our pt. go into one of those long ago telephone booth some of you might remember (prior cell phones). then in less than 2 minutes she walks out bend over and crying out "oh it hurts,omg" carmen said "let's place her next to her boyfriend's gurney" the female now yelling "it won't come out, it work come out!!!" when we asked her what was she referring to, she said "the beeper won't come out" carmen looked at her & said " you mean you stuck a beeper into your vagina???..after doctors examined her and x-rays were done. one could clearly see the shape of the beeper in the x-rays deep within her; therefore, only forceps could do the job. needless to say, this woman was calling her beeper which was in vibrate mode, getting her fix if you will; but wasn't able to retreat the beeper when all was said and done unquestionably, we were more embarrassed for her than she was, i learned since then that people are unpredictable and not always in the best best way.

    p.s. the male pt. recuperated nicely and he was send home, while his girlfriend was giving pt. education.


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