child violated at daycare (by child) what would you do?

  1. Just found out that my son was violated by another child at daycare today. one adult was monitoring bathroom visits for both boys and girls (going back and forth between bathrooms), she walked into the boys bathroom and found another boy with his mouth over my son's penis. The boy (4) asked to "kiss" him there and my son (just turned 5) innocent as he is didn't know any better.

    Needless to say we had the red touch, green touch talk with his Patrick the star toy tonight and he knows that is not appropriate anymore and how to respond (scream "don't touch me there" and get an adult).

    We mentioned to the daycare that we suspect either child sexual abuse perpetrated on the little boy who did this or at least exposure to pornography.

    We are a bit distraught at the moment and are trying to figure out how to proceed with things. any advice would help!
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   randomperson
    just found out the mother of the child works at the daycare!!! the child has been removed from my sons class but I'm not sure what else is being done.... Im so angry I can't see straight right now.
  4. by   Blee O'Myacin
    When something similar happened to my son when he was in the first grade, we had to take the matter to the police, involve DYFS and sue the school district to ensure that both children were protected. Mainly, I was worried about my son considering that there was violence and denial on the part of the school. So my son is 10, still in therapy (huge peer trust issues), we've changed schools, settled out of court and the other child is now out of state. But this is not an easy thing. If you want to talk about it more, please feel free to PM me. I am so sorry this happened to your son and your family.
  5. by   FutureFlNurse
    Wow, I am so sorry to hear that. I can't even imagine what I would do if I were in your shoes. We try so hard to keep our kids' innocence and trust that other parents do same. God only knows what that other child is being exposed to. I am sorry your son, you and your family have to go through such and uncomfortable and disturbing situation.
  6. by   NurseLoveJoy88
    I worked at an elementary school and things like this happened. I think its definetly imperative to get DSS involved and perhaps the police.
  7. by   RNCEN
    Very important to get the right people involved. I too would suspect abuse towards the perpetrator. 4 yo's do not come up with that type of behavior without outside influence. Follow up with the director of the school to find out what is being done...primarily to prevent further potential abuse of the perp. It would appear that you handled the situation correctly with your son as far as appropriate/inappropriate touch is concerned. I would continue to follow up discreetly to ensure he understands. Sounds as if your son is safe from further incidences at this particular school, so the best you can do is to ensure the perp/and family get the help they may need.
  8. by   Colleen2014
    wow this is crazy something similar at my home happen btw my daughter and newphew it was definitely a big deal. I contacted his mother and my brother and we difinitely had to spk with them about it. good luck
  9. by   Itzallgood
    I would contact the Police and any other agency that has jurisdiction over this matter.

    If you turn a blind eye to this matter you are hurting your son, and probably other children in the future
  10. by   LinzyRN
    I had this happen at a child care center I worked at. Definitely notify Child protective services because the other child may be abused. Sorry this happend, I would look into another school. Maybe try a NAEYC cerified center that has lower child to teacher ratio and standards way above the state minimum.
  11. by   tfleuter
    I'm so sorry this happened to your son. I have no advice but hope that things will be handled properly.
  12. by   roseglasses
    oh my! I would be out of my mind also. I wouldn't even know where to start, I would try to talk to your son and let him know he didn't do anything wrong. This situation could affect him for a long time. wish there was something more I could say to help but I'm sorry is all I can muster up! HUGS! Did they call you or wait til you picked him up?
    Last edit by roseglasses on Jun 30, '09 : Reason: added question
  13. by   leslie :-D
    oh my, i am so sorry to hear this...
    i agree that a 4 yo making this request, is extremely worrisome.
    as for your little guy, i would at least, consult with a child therapist.
    he/she could advise you and also could assess whether your son may need counseling.

    wishing you much strength, faith and resolution.

  14. by   Batman24
    You explained it to your son and gave him instructions how to handle it in the future. If he seems to understand and accept that I would wait and see how he does over the next few days. Children are very resilient and as he knows he did nothing wrong and knows how to handle this from here on out I think he will be okay. I would keep very calm around him or you will scare him and stress him out.

    If you suspect abuse call CPS and let them look into the situation.