Chief complaints that made you laugh?

not a chief complaint, but when looking for a family contact/next of kin in the computer, found that someone in admitting had taken the time to put in "Noe, Juan" for next of kin. Heh, kinda dumb but still made me laugh.

My favorite: "Near syncopy." Yup, almost fainted, so thought I'd come to the ED by ambulance....I'm not talking about people with bad hearts, high risk preggos, no, just your average person who gets up too fast and feels dizzy for 10 seconds.

We always call those "near syncopy, positive stupid"

Have some dozy from out of our small place of business

"Felt, couldn't get up"
"DVD, left leg"
"tired"

But I think my personal fav was a facesheet sent up with a diagnosis of "fatal ETOH syndrome, MSA" --after I had walked downstairs to look at the orders and correct them that it was "fetal, and M(ental) S(tatus) Change (delta sign)

"i think i might have diarrhea later tonight"....and you expect us to do what??

"there's things crawling in my beard"....yep, there sure is. they're lice and you don't need to see a doctor for it.

"i need my albuterol".....congratulations, you have one in your hand and it's working fine

"my knee has hurt since 1983, no one can figure out why"......if you've left that many doctors mystified then you should appear in a medical textbook

"i'm having a grandma seizure".....really, thanks for telling us because we honestly weren't sure what you were doing

I always enjoy random symptoms thrown together into one complaint:

"Dizziness, tooth pain, hearing voices"

"Chest pain/UTI"

"Suture removal/H1N1"

I had one of those during my clinicals! knee pain and a boil on her rectum. Which turned out to be a hemorrhoid. Everyone in the office (including me) had to come in and look at it before she would take the PA's word that it was indeed a hemorrhoid.

Oh goody, my specialty! See, I worked ER/OP Registration for a while, and got to see lots of stupid things entered in ProMed by co-workers.

"vomiting, no nausea"--really, guys? REALLY?

"paperclip in peepee"--EXACTLY how it was entered into ProMed when I got to work. The triage nurse thought it was hilarious. I was mortified.

"pt has bugs"--....whut?

"exposure"--care to be a little more specific, there?

"diarrhea, coughing"--nice combination! No one wanted that patient...

Aaaand my personal favorite:

"dental pain, anxiety, numbness/tingling, medication request, chest pain, SOB/wheezing, psychiatric, knee pain, ear ache, constipation, weakness, insomnia, vaginal bleeding"--...do I even need to explain this one? This woman spent probably 10 minutes at my desk rattling off her symptoms; as soon as she'd go to take a seat in the waiting room, she'd think of something else wrong with her and have to get back up and tell me. *headdesk headdesk headdesk* I wanted to just write "yes" in the Chief Complaint section and call it a night!

I worked on an acute psych ward for a while, we had a 27 yr old scizophrenic come in with the complaint of..... "unable to have an erection.... oh yeah and thoughts of suicide, and hearing voices".....
Ummmm....ok....so you came in because you couldn't get an erection....but you want us to fix the voices and thoughts of suicide too????