Between a rock and a hard place.

  1. I am having a very difficult time right now. I am looking at a decision I really do not want to make.
    Currently, I love my job. I love my colleagues. They are always there to support and assist me. They are wonderful educators and colleagues. I feel like an integral part of my team and look forward to going to work each day. I am assigned to med-surg and pcu. I love going to icu to look at strips and ask questions and I love my colleagues, who always answer my questions and give me so much new info, making me better at my job. My hospital is awesome, comprising reg med-surg, ped/ob med surg, pcu, icu...in short, very squared away. As a newer addition, I feel my work environment conducive to learning and becoming stronger, faster, more efficient. The learning opportunities are only surpassed by the number of individuals willing and able to share what they know and have with me. Hey, they are not perfect, but who is? Their quirks actually make them more likeable; perfectionism is overrated.
    Where's the problem?
    My job is an hour away from my home.
    I have three young children.
    I work nights (12h shifts), sometimes 4 shifts per week, so it drains me.
    I spend little time with my kids due to the number of hours.
    My eldest (not 18) has to babysit and help out...a lot.
    I am a rapid cycling bp2, but not on meds, as my docs have stated I do not need anything and the diagnosis only applies when it becomes an issue in daily living and functioning. Night shift is bad for us bp'ers, increasing the risk of developing mania or depression and therefore increasing the risk of eventually needing meds.
    A close family member has s4 cancer and it is progressing. I live across the way from her and want to help care for her when things head south, which is beginning to happen.
    My husband is stationed in another state and only able to visit on holidays, so I am essentially a single parent w/very little outside help.
    My husband wants me to switch jobs to work at the local hospital, 15 minutes away from home.
    The facility close to home:
    The place is little, med-surg is not as high-paced. They have no pcu; their icu is more like our pcu. Their med-surg mixes peds and adult patients. I am not comfortable working with peds. They compensate longer and crash faster than adults. They have parents, some of who may not be so nice, which means I might sometimes have to do the unpopular thing: report it to the proper departments. I live in this community and my children attend school here. These peds might be my kids' peers and/or classmates. I would have to interact with their parents. Any perception of me might be extended to my poor, innocent kids.
    I would be med-surg, but in reality they would float me wherever; I would belong nowhere, not really. I hate instability! I hate change. The pay is not as nice as where I am, but I guess the savings on gas would somewhat balance that out.
    I am heartbroken about the change. My hubby says it does not matter what I prefer as far as jobs, I must do what is best for the family, regardless of how I feel about it. He states, and I usually agree, that we must do what is best for the family, even if it is not what is best for us. I just do not know if I can be as good at my job if I am unhappy with where I am and if that is the case, I might as well just quit.
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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  2. 21 Comments

  3. by   Katnip
    Is there any possibility you can switch to days and/or part time/prn?

    If you ask your current place to allow you to work part time, maybe you could try the new place in a prn position to get a feel for the environment. That way, if you really don't like the new place, you may be able to eventually get back there on a fulltime basis when your family needs you a little less.
  4. by   TheCommuter
    You are truly blessed to have a job that you truly love. Many people on these forums gripe about the hostile work environments at their workplaces, but the opposite seems true for you. I'd happily commute 1 hour to work if the environment was supportive and I loved the job. In fact, I cannot stand my job at a facility that is located only 6 miles from my home. However, I do not have other obligations like you do. I agree that you are between a rock and a hard place.

    I wish you the best. :icon_hug:
  5. by   maelstrom143
    Thanks Commuter. Yes, I am truly blessed.

    Hi, Katnip, I agree with you and have discussed this with my supervisor. I am currently considering doing prn one day per pay period at my current place of employment and full time at the new place. Hubby says maybe, once he retires I could work where I please...maybe. I just worry about my learning curve and missing the interactions w/my colleagues.
  6. by   steelcityrn
    Why can't you move to where you husband is? If he only see's your family on the holidays, its not only hard on you but the children also. Two hours on the raod each day after working 12 hours or 4 eight hours would be hard by itself, but to come home and be a single parent, you have to be worn out.
  7. by   caliotter3
    I believe a good option would be to find a place to live near your job. Your job sounds like a perfect fit, almost impossible to find in normal circumstances. You should not walk away from it. As far as the bp situation. Until it becomes a problem, don't make it a problem in your thinking. If night shift starts to trigger episodes, then talk to your supervisor about changing to day shift. Otherwise, if it ain't broke, don't try to fix it. By thinking about it, you are setting your mind to the possibility. Don't give in. There are many people with this condition who handle night shift quite well. You can also, as long as you give yourself a chance. Good luck.
  8. by   pagandeva2000
    I also think you should request for day shift or per diem work. It is really hard to find jobs in nursing where the employees collaborate and respect each other. In fact, I began to think it didn't exist. However, I can see why you feel conflicted. Try the day shift first before you throw in the towel. If it still doesn't work, then, consider leaving. I do believe that family comes first, but try and see if this can be worked out before you cut out of there.
  9. by   nurseby07
    Maybe your husband should listen to his own advice....
  10. by   Spidey's mom
    I think you should do what is right for your kids right now.

    Stay close to home.

    You can have the "dream" job later.

    I am in the same position - so I feel your pain.

    But with Dad gone (mine is gone during the week, home on weekends) the kids need someone home.

    I'd take the job closer to home . .for now.

    steph
  11. by   Spidey's mom
    Also, as the oldest child of divorced parents . . I have to say that I did resent having to take over so much of the parenting from my bickering parents.

    That isn't fair.

    steph
  12. by   maelstrom143
    Quote from steelcityrn
    Why can't you move to where you husband is? If he only see's your family on the holidays, its not only hard on you but the children also. Two hours on the raod each day after working 12 hours or 4 eight hours would be hard by itself, but to come home and be a single parent, you have to be worn out.
    We were living w/hubby, but when we came home this summer we discovered [his] Momma's advancing condition and we (w/me being the primary) decided the children and I needed to stay here. This way, the children have a chance to be around her while she is still getting around and looking healthy. We did not want the next time they see her to be a shock or at her funeral. Being here, she can see us and vice versa and when she starts going downhill, I will be available to help out. And yes...I am worn out to tears by the end of the week.
  13. by   Katie82
    I would chalk-up the distance job as a very fortunate first experience and work closer to home. My husband is retired military, and we spent a lot of time apart, so I can relate to being a "single" parent. There were times I could not work because of his job, or work a minimal amount of time. But when my kids were older I started working for me. THere is time for that. Another advantage to working closer to home is that you will be serving your own community. There may be times when you have to make unpleasant decisions, but you will have to do that anyway, and it doesn't happen as often as you think. In an acute setting, you turn unpleasant incidents over to Social Work, and let them do their job. You can always go back at a later time, no one is going to penalize you for leaving because your family needs you.
  14. by   maelstrom143
    Quote from steelcityrn
    why can't you move to where you husband is? [...].
    we were living w/hubby, but when we came home this summer we discovered [his] momma's advancing condition and we (w/me being the primary) decided the children and i needed to stay here. this way, the children have a chance to be around her while she is still getting around and looking healthy. we did not want the next time they see her to be a shock or at her funeral. being here, she can see us and vice versa and when she starts going downhill, i will be available to help out. and yes...i am worn out to tears by the end of the week.

    Quote from pagandeva2000
    i also think you should request for day shift or per diem work. [...].

    i would love nothing better than to do days; unfortunately, they choose to move us as positions come open based on seniority. i am definitely not senior enough and whatever comes available next will definitely be picked up by some of the senior nurses. it is a fair system, just a bit frustrating.
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    hi, calliotter3, i agree w/your input. i try to keep a positive outlook, but my husband has had to deal w/my rapid shifts more than anyone and he worries about how stressed i might get and how it might affect the kids w/o him there to be a buffer.
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    nurseby07:
    lol...i wish. he is military and must be wherever he is ordered and as an ex-soldier myself, i try to support him. he hates being away from us. he is even more of a homebody than i and he is suffering from depression a lot since we are not there with him.
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    stevielynn:
    thanks j i know it makes sense. i know that is what is best for the family. i am just having such a hard time wrapping my mind around it and accepting it with gracel
    i agree; my eldest has it hard right now. been there, done that. i feel so guilty when i leave to go to work, but he just smiles and says, "it's going to be ok, mom." the other day, i was so tired and by midday almost in tears as i had a shift that evening and had not been able to fall asleep due to the children. he decided to take his little siblings outside so i could rest. when i woke up and realized how quiet the house was i got scared, but then i saw them outside. i was so proud of him, but at the same time i felt awful it had to be that way.
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    ksilty:
    thanks for the input.

    thanks to all of you for your wonderful input. i don't know what i would do without this site. i will try my hardest to reconcile myself. i am spoiled rotten, but will try to make the best of this situation.

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