Best way to ask out a patient - page 4

Okay, I know many are about to jump on here and say, "NO!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!" but first, hear me out. First, let me be clear that I have NOT acted unprofessionally in any way in this situation. ... Read More

  1. Visit  Iam46yearsold} profile page
    3
    Quote from GilaRN
    I am rather concerned so many people see this as romantic and cute. We are talking about engaging in actions that can potentially take advantage of our patients vulnerabilities.

    I agree, distance yourself from this patient. You cease to be an effective professional caregiver once you develop personal romantic feelings for a patient.

    You both are adults and are free to make adult decisions. However, expect adult consequences when you make adult decisions. This could end quite badly for both you and the said patient.

    I agree here, run away from the situation. Run like the Devil is after you. This might make a cute story line on General Hospital. But that is all. Totally ill advised.
    Mary C, hollyberry678, and GilaRRT like this.
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  3. Visit  Nurse Salt} profile page
    0
    The more I think about this, the more torn I am... From your point of view things seem mutual in attraction, but from her point she may just see this as casual encounters with her caregiver. And you are just that, her CAREGIVER! Stepping over that caregiver boundary may not be wanted by her at all. If I mentioned to someone that I take yoga classes on Wednesday and he/she showed up there and were not a previous member, I'd be thoroughly creeped out! Sometimes, people mention things casually, not realizing how ill intentioned people can misuse that information. I do NOT think you are ill intentioned you just don't want her to read into your harmless actions as stalking... This is your license and livlihood on the line, is a cute girl worth that? I think I agree most with the person who said she knows where you work if she wants to find you...
  4. Visit  bossfrog} profile page
    0
    Quote from GilaRN
    I am rather concerned so many people see this as romantic and cute. We are talking about engaging in actions that can potentially take advantage of our patients vulnerabilities.

    I agree, distance yourself from this patient. You cease to be an effective professional caregiver once you develop personal romantic feelings for a patient.

    You both are adults and are free to make adult decisions. However, expect adult consequences when you make adult decisions. This could end quite badly for both you and the said patient.
    First of all, I would NEVER take advantage of ANY patient in ANY way I take exception to the mere suggestion!

    Second, nobody said anything about romantic feelings, only a desire to POSSIBLY get to know her better.
  5. Visit  bossfrog} profile page
    0
    Quote from Nurse Salt
    The more I think about this, the more torn I am... From your point of view things seem mutual in attraction, but from her point she may just see this as casual encounters with her caregiver. And you are just that, her CAREGIVER! Stepping over that caregiver boundary may not be wanted by her at all. If I mentioned to someone that I take yoga classes on Wednesday and he/she showed up there and were not a previous member, I'd be thoroughly creeped out! Sometimes, people mention things casually, not realizing how ill intentioned people can misuse that information. I do NOT think you are ill intentioned you just don't want her to read into your harmless actions as stalking... This is your license and livlihood on the line, is a cute girl worth that? I think I agree most with the person who said she knows where you work if she wants to find you...
    I guess you would have to be there to understand what I'm getting at. The "cute girl" remark is a bit insulting. I'm not "Shallow Hal." That said...
  6. Visit  Nurse Salt} profile page
    0
    Quote from bossfrog
    I guess you would have to be there to understand what I'm getting at. The "cute girl" remark is a bit insulting. I'm not "Shallow Hal." That said...
    Notice I said "cute" and not "hot", this is because "cute" can describe much more than just physical attraction, I think you are getting offended for no reason... My point was, she may not want your advances and pursuing her may not be worth your license. You are obviously going to do what you want, but you came here for advice.
  7. Visit  hollyberry678} profile page
    1
    I am confused, in this post you say you are 24, and in a previous post, you say you are 35 and will be starting the ADN program (hopefully) Fall '08.

    http://allnurses.com/forums/f198/fir...nd-222846.html


    In any event, for many reasons, I don't find it appropriate to cross the caregiver boundaries, and agree with the poster that if you find yourself having 'feelings' towards a patient, who is vulnerable within the healthcare system, you should remove yourself from their care.
    purple_rose_3 likes this.
  8. Visit  Batman24} profile page
    0
    Let some time pass and meet up with her in a place she mentioned. Keep it low key and see if she still seems interested. If she is then ask her out for a nice casual date and take it from there. I don't believe once patients are out of our care and on their feet again that they remain off limits forever. If she isn't interested in a romantice sense or you aren't after meeting up then you move on. That's all.
  9. Visit  RedhairedNurse} profile page
    1
    Quote from hollyberry678
    I am confused, in this post you say you are 24, and in a previous post, you say you are 35 and will be starting the ADN program (hopefully) Fall '08.

    http://allnurses.com/forums/f198/fir...nd-222846.html


    In any event, for many reasons, I don't find it appropriate to cross the caregiver boundaries, and agree with the poster that if you find yourself having 'feelings' towards a patient, who is vulnerable within the healthcare system, you should remove yourself from their care.
    OUCH!! Ah, oh.....looks like we have a discrepency here in your age. Good work Holly!
    hollyberry678 likes this.
  10. Visit  Nurse Salt} profile page
    1
    Quote from hollyberry678
    I am confused, in this post you say you are 24, and in a previous post, you say you are 35 and will be starting the ADN program (hopefully) Fall '08.

    http://allnurses.com/forums/f198/fir...nd-222846.html


    In any event, for many reasons, I don't find it appropriate to cross the caregiver boundaries, and agree with the poster that if you find yourself having 'feelings' towards a patient, who is vulnerable within the healthcare system, you should remove yourself from their care.
    nice catch holly!!!
    bossfrog, any rebuttal?
    Things just changed quite a bit... If she is 20 and you are 24, its not that unheard of; but if you are, in fact, 35 DO NOT pursue this you will be seen in a much different light... YIKES, please clarify!
    Last edit by Nurse Salt on Oct 9, '08
    hollyberry678 likes this.
  11. Visit  RedhairedNurse} profile page
    1
    Jason,

    I think you're old enough to be this girl's dad.
    hollyberry678 likes this.
  12. Visit  bossfrog} profile page
    1
    I'm sorry for the confusion on my age. I never posted on here before. I'm using my brother's computer and account to post. He actually is a nursing student and much older than me. I actually asked him for advice first, and he recommended posting on here. I suppose I should get my own account!


    Anyway...

    Okay, well, it was a much simpler situation than I thought. Her doc did discharge her this afternoon, and I did wheel her to the exit. I feel a bit exhonorated against some of the (expected) charges I've gotten on here about being wrong on this. Anyway, here's what happened:

    As I loaded her on the elevator, it was just us and an older lady who was apparently a visitor. She essentially asked ME out (whew!). She said, "Here, this is for you. Don't open it until I'm gone." Then she handed me a neatly folded up note. Needless to say, I'm smiling big internally but still keeping a straight face. When we got to the exit, she stood up, shook my hand, said, "Thank you for being there for me and for all you guys do. Maybe I'll see you around."[coy smile].

    I said, "That would be nice. Take care of yourself, Jenny(not her real name)."

    "Okay, bye-bye." as she's walking away.

    I just gave her a smile and waved. Anyway, then it was back to work for a couple hours until end of shift. I didn't open the note until I got home. Heck, I was so busy I forgot about it anyway! So, for those of you who wanted me to keep you posted, I'll divulge the contents of the note, as follows:

    Dear Nurse Jason... or should I just say Jason? (not my real name, my brother's name)

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you did for me the past several days (yes, even for pounding on my back!). You're very good at your job and a good person, too. I'm usually pretty traditional and not this forward, but I get the idea that you can't be forward because of your job, so here goes. I think we need to settle once and for all who is the better guitar player! If you think you're up to it, grab your Strat and give me a ring! Oh, but you'll need this first. 123-4567 Either way, it's up to you. If I don't hear from you, then I can say that it has been good to have known you and the rest of the staff.

    Very sincerely,
    Jenny

    I am SOOOO glad that she took it on herself to make the move. I'll probably wait about a week or so to allow a "cool-down" period, both for me and for her, then I'm planning to take her up on her challenge

    Thanks for the comments all. This couldn't have turned out better.
    Last edit by bossfrog on Oct 9, '08
    Atheos likes this.
  13. Visit  bossfrog} profile page
    0
    Quote from Nurse Salt
    Notice I said "cute" and not "hot", this is because "cute" can describe much more than just physical attraction, I think you are getting offended for no reason... My point was, she may not want your advances and pursuing her may not be worth your license. You are obviously going to do what you want, but you came here for advice.
    Like I said, you'd have to be part of the conversation, and also like I said, I'm not a newbie. It would take a pretty vindictive person to try to get someone fired for bumping into them at the DQ, and she's not that kind of person. I'm not an idiot. Besides, she made the advance anyway as my other post indicates, so it's moot. But thanks for your concern.
  14. Visit  Farmer Jane} profile page
    0
    If you're really 24 and this post is really you, I have no problem with this. Pursuing a relationship AFTER the caregiver relationship is over is not a problem. I have also made friends with patients. It's just not a big deal. This isn't psych. Good for you! I'm glad she likes you too.


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