Quote from bluehealer
i feel dumb and stupid. I don't know so many things and preceptor is great and very nice but she assumes that I know a lot of stuff. When in reality I have no idea what she's talking about. She gives me this crazy look like, omg I can't believe you don't know. For instance, what a 'male bed' is. I don't know that shared rooms are only the same sex. I wasn't trained in shared rooms and I had no idea. I'm not used to residents and interns. I'm not used to epic. I don't know anything about chemo other than personal expierence from helping my grandma and dad, who both died over this summer so that has been hard in itself.
they only teach you so much in nursing school. I did an ADN a program, so I'm not sure if that's to blame or what...
i iust just feel so incompetent. I hate it. And his is not what I thought it would be like. I feel like I'm completely lost and disoriented. I'm wondering if maybe I should apply to something slower paced like rehabs, or outpatient settings. I can tell my preceptor thinks I am slow and inexpierenced
First, condolences on the loss of your dad and grandma. You are likely grieving and processing how life is different without them here. Depending on individual relationships (closeness, etc) this can throw us a tailspin subconsciously. Aside from thoughts that feel more like "grief", there can be general uncertainty/meaning-of-life thoughts and feelings. I hope you are able to allow yourself to grieve in your own way. Recognize that for some, this is kind of a period of vulnerability as far as rethinking the meaning of anything and everything, reprocessing, re-fitting your life views, etc.
In addition to that you are also in a time of life that includes a completely different transition - from student to practicing nurse. This is rarely a completely smooth transition. Many, many newer nurses have at least a passing thought of second-guessing their career choice and don't feel prepared for the role of RN. And then there are still many who start to feel stressed/depressed/worried and have more than a passing thought about whether they're cut out for this before things finally ease up and start to feel more natural.
If I could only give one piece of advice regarding all of this, it would be to work towards not reacting emotionally at the various interactions and situations that come up. Admittedly this is not easy to do, not at all! I'm not talking about 'not crying', etc., but about not making every situation personal.
I will use your example (bolded ^). This individual who looks at you like you have two heads because you don't know about a "male bed"? Recognize that her own knowledge of the world is a bit limited if she doesn't know that many, many units these days have all private rooms! So...regardless of what face she makes at you, it means nothing. Her funny face is devoid of meaning that is personal to you
. It merely reflects her own limited knowledge. Therefore, you can remain completely calm and simply say, "Oh, that makes sense. I've never heard that term because I haven't worked on unit with semi-private rooms." The End, you know? There's no deeper meaning about your abilities or your intelligence.
This general thinking pattern is useful for nearly every situation you may come across in nursing.
Your job right now is to learn everything you can. I know you already know that, but what I mean is to squelch that which gets in your way of doing so....including worrying about all these extraneous things. Put yourself on a mission to learn and don't let petty things get in your way. Your ADN has nothing to do with it. But you ARE (relatively) slow and experienced. So what! Every nurse before you was relatively slow and inexperienced during orientation too.
Summary/TL;DR - Grieve your losses. Make it your mission to not take everything personally, and your ultimate mission to make the absolute best of this learning opportunity!