Bathing a 7 y/o - page 4

Dear All, I have a 7 y/o daughter who sees her dad once every two to three months. He picks her up on Saturday and drops her back off on Sunday. She has a shower the morning of the day she goes... Read More

  1. by   telenurse04
    Elderly people have extreemly dry skin. I think they are to bathe 1-2 times a week in the nursing home. I think that schedule is because it would be impossible for them to bathe more frequently (staff). However, many of those elderly get a partial bath every night!! In my nursing home I used to work in, we always washed their torso and private areas before bed.

    Anyway, my boyfriend has a 2 year old. He bathes her every night. You say you have a 7 year old. It is probably a good idea to get the idea of a bath every day into her brain now because once puberty hits she will need to take a shower that often. Jr. high students are very active kids and hygeine and appearance is very important at that age.

    When I first read your concerns, I thought your words were screeming "SUSPECTFUL of abuse". If my dad bathed me at the age of 7, I think I'd be pretty uncomfortable too! Two bathes a day sounds extreme unless I was sweaty. Why is she uncomfortable at his house and not yours?
  2. by   jemb
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All,

    I appreciate everyone's input. I have gotten a letter from my doctor, and if the showers do not cease at this next visitation, then we will be going back to court.
    Emily, please, please, don't send her to visit her father again until you know with absolute certainty that she is not being molested!

    Hopefully this is not the case, but, as so many have noted, his behavior is sending up red flags all over the place. Maybe your daughter's dislike of showering in front of him is just modesty kicking in. However his insisting on the ritual while knowing that she is uncomfortable is emotional abuse at the very least.

    As a child, I was molested by someone that my mother trusted --even after I tried to tell her what was going on. She just couldn't believe that he would do that .

    Please don't assume that a doctor's note will solve the problem. Too many kids are abused -physically or emotionally- because their parents' do not believe anything wrong is happening. And by not checking out the situation, they inadvertantly contribute to the abuse.
  3. by   scrubs70
    "Emily, please, please, don't send her to visit her father again until you know with absolute certainty that she is not being molested!"

    I couldnt agree more, ok maybe we are over reacting, maybe not but surely it is better to err on the side of caution. If nothing is going on then no real harm is done, but if something is and you dont act now, your daughter continues to suffer.
    Act now and remove any doubt and provide your daughter with the protection she deserves.
  4. by   Nurse2be
    Dear All:

    I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

    Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

    I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

    I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.

    Sincerely,

    Emily
  5. by   scrubs70
    Glad to hear things are ok Emily
  6. by   Nurse2be
    Quote from scrubs70
    Glad to hear things are ok Emily
    Thanks so much!
  7. by   Energizer Bunny
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All:

    I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

    Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

    I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

    I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.

    Sincerely,

    Emily
    I'm glad to hear that everything is "okay", but please don't let down your guard. Remember, predators will do anything to hide what they are doing including say "don't tell mommy or you'll never see her again" etc...you know what I mean, I think. At seven, I NEVER would have told my mom what was happening to me out of fear and my abuser never even threatened me. I just thought she would blame me or be mad at me so I never told.

    I sincerely hope that the issue is only that she is uncomfortable because she rarely sees him, BUT just please keep your eyes and ears open.

    Good luck!
  8. by   TracyB,RN
    ". I don't care what's going on, there is no way that being dirty is unacceptable!
    p.s. As far as dry skin or Eczema is concerned, that's why they make Eucerin lotion and Elidel cream. Not an option.....just my opinion. " courtesy of Lanitra, who obviously has no healthcare experience or has not had a child with eczema so severe that they needed steroid injections, so it's a good thing it's just her opinion.

    Just more proof that not everybody "gets it."

    Just b/c it's marketed for eczema, doesn't mean it works for all cases.


    Jeez, this really ticks me off. . .my daughter suffered severe allergies & eczema, despite aggressive treatment from her pediatrician, dermatologist, & allergist. She is one of the fortunate few who "outgrew" her problems, even after several years of various treatments. One of the things that actually made her condition somewhat tolerable for her was eliminating baths that weren't necessary, spongebathing with plain tepid water in between, and for God's sakes, not using any creams or lotions that would further aggravate her condition. Of course, good peri-care was practiced.

    Oh, to take back all of the tears & torment, & misery my daughter suffered b/c of this horrible problem. . I would do it in a hearbeat. . .
    It's wisecracks like those from Lanitra, that inspire me to teach the ignorant.
  9. by   jemommyRN
    My daughter also has dry skin. The doctor said to use a moisturizing soap (Dove, Caress, Oil of Olay) This seems to have help with the problem. She gets a bath everyday (she comes home from daycare a cruddy mess) unless I am too tired to bath her that day. But she never goes more than one day without a bath.
  10. by   Gompers
    Glad to hear that it's just modesty and all that. Heck, when I was her age, I would freak if my dad bathed me, and I saw him everyday! If the only reason she needs assistance during bathing is because of her hair, then that's a very easy solution! Cut it!!! Or else get her a shower cap to use at her dad's house. If not, maybe pull it up into a bun and take a quick bath instead? Just some ideas!

    I agree with the posters who say to only bathe 2-3 times per week until puberty. At work, we teach parents to bathe their babies only that often, throughout infancy and childhood. Ex-micropreemies in particular tend to have very dry, itchy, scaly skin. (Our treatment of choice is Cetaphil for bathing, and then Aquaphor on dry patches.) Once a child reaches puberty, I don't really understand how it would be such a challenge to change them to daily bathing. At that point, many boys are getting into sports and notice that they are sweaty, plus they start getting concerned about things like body odor and such. And for pre-teen girls, I would think a trip to Bath & Body Works to get yummy bath supplies would be enough incentive to get her into the tub or shower at least once a day!
  11. by   DETTA
    Quote from Nurse2be
    Dear All:

    I finally was able to get my daughter to talk to me about it - and she said she doesn't really know why it bothers her - she just doesn't like to take a shower when she's with her dad. There is no particular reason. This conversation would have been the perfect opportunity for her to tell me of anything inappropriate going on. Apparently, he is trying to be respectful of her modesty, because she washes her own hair (she needs help with hair at home - it's very long).

    Her dad writes back that they get sweaty and dirty when she's with him. So I can't argue with that. If she gets sweaty/dirty when she's with me, she gets bathed.

    I think the crux of the problem is that she sees him so infrequently and he is more like a stranger than a father. Our court order states that he should be coming here once a month and I there once a month (he lives 5 hours away). Because he demonstrates so little interest (has called only once in the past year and sees her on an average once every two months), I have not taken her there in almost two years.

    I appreciate everyone's input. I rest assured tonight that nothing "bad" is going on. If you have any other input, it is much welcomed.

    Sincerely,

    Emily
    Well done Emily
  12. by   lanitra
    First of all, I am EXTREMELY happy to hear that there is no particular reason that your daughter doesn't want to shower while at her father's. Thank GOD

    Ms. Tracy B,
    You're correct, I don't have a child with extreme Eczema, I AM THE ONE with it. I use a moisturizing soap (Dove), lots of applications of creme and, also, a steroid creme (during times that it really flairs up). I have been known to use a bit of Vaseline at times and it's very soothing. I can only say what works for me and you can do what you want. One thing that I have found is that whether I take a shower on a day or not, I still have to use cremes, so I may as well be clean in the process. Cleanliness is very important in my home and this is not something that's compromised. You do what works best for you and yours....

    Anyway, as I said, I am just so happy to know that this is not another case of sexual abuse.
  13. by   BittyBabyGrower
    I came into this discussion late, but my 7 yo doesn't like to shower when Daddy is here either...she is getting modest! I tell her to put a shower cap on her head and then she can shower by herself I don't put my DD in the shower everyday either because she has very dry skin and she really isn't doing anything to get dirty in the winter! Now summer is a different thing!

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